


Say my name, as every color illuminates

by warpaintlovers (WritingAddict)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Modern AU, Summer trip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-04-05 16:25:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 66,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4186725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingAddict/pseuds/warpaintlovers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Lexa wants is to be left in peace so she can relax on the beach and read all day long.<br/>She's just really annoyed by that noisy group of people who decided to crash in her town for the summer. And maybe a little intrigued by the pretty blonde girl named Clarke, but that's not relevant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unexpected collision

Today was graduation's day. The ceremony was over, and she would never have to set foot on highschool ground again. Finally.

She turns on her radio and Aretha Franklin is blasting through her room.

_Freedom, freedom, freedom..._

How appropriate. She's going to leave behind this stinky house of hers and her lousy parents. She has everything planned already. She's going to college to get a degree in politics. She's going to have a room of her own on campus and she won't have to put up with her family anymore.

But first, Lexa is going to enjoy her traditional holiday trip to the sea.

Anya invited her over, like every summer for eight years now. Anya's twenty-four, but she's the closest friend Lexa ever had. Maybe that's because she's not really good to befriend people, and Anya's a little weird as well, so they got along great from the moment they met.

Anya's family is rich, like, really fucking rich. Well-off people with loads of money they spend on things they absolutely do not need. The house by the sea is one of the several properties they own, but it has always been Lexa's favorite.

It's located in this pretty town with the 1950's architecture, and it's such a cliché, but Lexa absolutely loves it. Small houses bordering the beach, streets paved with blue stones, and a heavy scent of flowers emanating from a multitude of little gardens of roses and lilac.

Each year, the two girls get there to escape their life and find some peace. The first two years, Anya's parents stayed with them, but they had been on their own ever since Anya reached her eighteenth birthday.

It's nice and calm and warm, and Lexa can spend her days reading on the beach, playing piano or doing some gardening. For the last two years, both girls had been working on the evenings at a bar near the beach. Lexa was always glad to earn money.

The only thing Lexa hates about their annual trip is the alarming amount of tourists that seems to increase every year. Tourists are noisy and rude and really all she wants is to be left alone with Anya. She hopes this year will be somewhat quieter than the few last ones.

Lexa finishes packing her clothes while humming to the radio. It's the holidays, and Anya will pick her up in an hour to bring her to her favorite place ever. The day is absolutely perfect.

 

\---

 

“Are you sure that's the way?” whines Octavia for the hundredth time in ten minutes.

“What about you just shut the fuck up?” snaps Raven, her hands on the wheel.

“Hey, watch your mouth!” interrupts Clarke. “We're all together and it's the holidays, don't be so damn grumpy.”

Raven mumbles something about Octavia getting on her nerves, while Octavia sighs heavily.

“I swear, if I feel either of you emanating any more pessimist vibes, I am going to switch cars with one of the guys.” threatens Clarke.

She focuses back on the map on her lap. She just needs to locate their current position. Because, okay, she might have led them on the wrong road, slightly.

“Look, Raven, we're right there, that's not very far!” she suddenly realizes, showing the map to her friend.

“Get that thing out of my face, I'm driving!” protests Raven, waving her away furiously.

Clarke leans back into her seat, satisfied.

“Okay, I know exactly where we are. Get ready, we're going to set foot on that beach in ten minutes.”

Behind her, Maya speaks up.

“Jasper just texted me. I quote : where the hell are we I thought Clarke knew what she was doing.”

Clarke rolls her eyes.

“For heaven's sake, guys, you're all too impatient. We have all the time in the world.”

“Actually, Clarke, no.” corrects Octavia. “We're only going for six weeks. Well, we were, since I'm convinced we just wasted an entire week in this freaking car. Because you can't read a map.”

“Technically, we haven't even spent five hours in this car. I think you should all thank your amazing driver for that.” says Raven casually. “Just imagine if Clarke was driving.”

Octavia giggles.

“Oh, god, now that would be a problem. We would be either lost or crashed on a tree in the middle of nowhere.”

Clarke glares at the two girls. She's not that bad of a driver, really. Well, almost.

“Cheer up, Griffin, think about that beautiful girl you're going to seduce this summer.” grins Raven.

“Or it could be a guy.” adds Octavia.

Clarke hears Maya chuckling quietly and raises an eyebrow. She decides that's enough.

“What is it with you two? It's like the third time you've said something similar. You're creeping me out.”

“They made a bet.” informs Maya. “Everyone is basically sure you're going to hook up with someone, so they decided to gamble on it. Raven thinks it's gonna be a girl, Octavia disagrees.”

Clarke rolls her eyes so hard it hurts her. Her friends can be so stupid sometimes. This is borderline offensive.

“Seriously, guys?” she hisses, upset. “I'm not even here for that. I just want to have a good time with my friends.”

She was about to launch into further explanations about what she expects from this summer trip and why this bet is inappropriate, when Octavia cuts her short.

“We're finally there!”

Clarke shuts her mouth and forgets about what she was going to say. There it was, the pretty town where they were going to spend six weeks. A shiver of excitation creeps up her spine. She had randomly found this place on the internet, and it just looked perfect. Not too big, but not too small either, it was the perfect spot for a getaway with friends.

Once she confronted her friends with the idea, they all agreed enthusiastically. High school was finally over, but none of them was quite ready to leave for separate colleges without a last adventure together. They immediately rented a house for the summer.

It doesn't take more than a few minutes for them to find the house in question. It was located on a wide street, five hundred meters away from the beach.

“It's amazing. The grocery store is just down the street.”

Clarke pokes Raven on the shoulder, laughing.

“All you ever think of is eating things, Raven.”

Raven doesn't bother denying it and gets out of the car, stretching with relief. The three other girls imitate her. Clarke notices that even now, at seven o'clock in the evening, the atmosphere is incredibly warm and heavy. The summer promises to be outstandingly hot.

Bellamy parks his blue car next to Raven's red truck and the four guys join them on the sidewalk.

There's Bellamy, who had been spending the last few years watching over her sister and taking her to parties, and inevitably ended up befriending all of them. There also were Monty and Jasper, inseparable, who could manage to make them laugh all the time. Jasper was the main reason Maya was here, actually. She was a shy girl who didn't have many friends, and Jasper was quite fond of her. And then, there was Murphy – well, nobody exactly knew why they wanted him to come along.

Bellamy searches through his pockets for the key. The house owner had met with him a few days ago in the city to provide the information they needed and sign the administrative paperwork.

“Okay, everyone can take their bags and stuff inside calmly.” he says very seriously.

Needless to say, all the others rush messily through the front door, merrily commenting about the house.

“It has great lighting, guys.” appreciates Monty, who was the only one to notice these kinds of things.

Clarke, stumbling under the weight of her suitcase, climbs up the stairs to the bedrooms. As expected, Octavia and Raven are arguing with Jasper and Murphy over who would get which room.

“For real, just take a decision, I don't care, I seriously just want to lay down.” she grunts, completely ignored.

They're so busy fighting that they don't notice it when she enters the bedroom of her choice and throws her suitcase on the floor. She collapses on the bed, exhausted by the long car ride. Raven joins her a minute after.

“So”, she says, “I'll be your roommate. Octavia is with Maya, Jasper with Monty, of course, and Bellamy's with Murphy. That's going to be fun.”

Clarke raises her thumbs up in the air.

“That's great.” she mumbles, closing her eyes.

Raven jumps on her bed and shakes her roughly.

“Hey, Griffin, you're not allowed to sleep now, it's barely seven o'clock!”

Clarke pouts and hides her face on the pillow.

“It's too late to go the beach, and I don't feel like taking a walk around town right now.” she explains, her voice muffled by the soft fabric.

Raven starts to unpack her suitcase, looking for something.

“Granted, I feel exactly the same. But that doesn't mean we can't celebrate the start of the holidays, you lazy worm.”

“I like worms.” answers Clarke, her face still buried in the pillow. “They get to crawl up all day on the floor very slowly and never worry about anything related to school.”

She can almost feel Raven rolling her eyes.

“Come on, get up. Everybody's downstairs.”

Clarke obeys reluctantly. She freezes when she sees the bottles in Raven's hands.

“Oh, no. No, Raven.”

“Oh, yes” replies Raven with a smirk Clarke knew too well. “Nobody's allowed to go to bed until we've finished at least the vodka and the tequila.”

Clarke can't help but smile. She knows it's a really bad idea, because they just got here and her head is probably going to kill her tomorrow, but she follows Raven downstairs all the same. One thing she's learned : never mess with Raven about alcohol.

And, after all, they were indeed here to celebrate.

 

\---

 

Lexa wakes up the next day with a smile on her face she can't control. Wrapped up into the sheets, her face warmed up by the sun that peers through the curtains, she feels great. She checks her watch on the bedside table. It's eight o'clock, Anya's probably fast asleep.

Her mood is wonderful, and the streets are still empty, so she decides to go for a run. She quickly gets changed into shorts and a tank top, arranges her hair into a bun and grabs her running shoes.

When Lexa steps outside, the air is already very warm and the sky isn't hidden by any clouds. It's a day just like she enjoys them. She stretches on the porch and then begins her daily run.

She knows the place by heart, every street and every garden. She follows her usual path, one she has been using for years.

There aren't many people out this early, which fills Lexa with a sense of quiet happiness. She likes it this way, with the sidewalks empty and the birds humming. When she reaches the beach, it's almost empty too. Lexa runs and fills her lungs with the fresh, salted air of the sea, pushing her body until she's breathless and sweaty.

She allows herself a break at the very end of the beach, reaching the opposite part of the town. Lexa slows her pace until she's walking, her chest heavily trying to recover from the effort.

She takes a look around. Everything is calm, as usual.

She frowns as she almost steps on an empty bottle of tequila.

She could have slipped on it and hurt herself, and in this moment Lexa hates even more all these irresponsible tourists who just wanted to drink themselves to death everyday.

Seriously, if it wasn't so early, and if she wasn't positive these people were all passed out and hungover, she would have knocked at the door and shoved the freaking bottle into their faces. It isn't hard to figure out which house is theirs.

Lexa would bet anything they were living in the house with the blue car and the red truck. Another empty bottle is lying in front of the door.

She shakes her head. Tourists.

 

\---

 

Clarke blesses her sunglasses. The tainted lenses help a little with the painful throbbing in her head, that is aggravated by the merciless brightness of the summer sun.

“I hate you and your stupid ideas, Reyes.” she grunts, sipping her coffee.

Raven, her head hidden in her arms, does not react in any way. She might as well be dead. Octavia enters the kitchen shuffling and yawning, her hair a complete mess.

“Well, looks like everyone is up now.” says Bellamy, clapping his hands with energy.

Clarke glares at him, forgetting he can't see her eyes through her sunglasses.

“How do you manage to be so fresh and enthusiast after a night like that?” she asks, vaguely amazed.

“I've got years of experience.” he replies with a proud grin. “Okay, people, it's already past noon, let's move. I want to see what that beach looks like.”

The idea seems to invigorate everyone. The perspective of soft warm sand and cool water is enough to erase Clarke's bad mood.

“That's a great idea, Bell. Everyone, get ready, we're leaving in five.” she decides, heading for her bedroom to get changed.

“Jasper's still asleep.” notices Maya pointedly.

“I'll wake him.” offers Monty, standing up.

“Oh, no, don't you dare. He deserves the Blake and Reyes special Waking up Torture.” interrupts Raven, suddenly very awake.

Raven and Octavia immediately pull him back and rush upstairs, willing to give Jasper the worst waking up experience of his life.

“You're all immature toddlers.” grunts Murphy while he starts to collect everyone's empty cup of coffee to do the washing up.

He's actually very obliging, and everyone is convinced he's enjoying himself, even if he would rather die than admit it.

A few minutes later, the happy group is heading towards the beach.

 

\---

 

Anya wakes up at the sound of Lexa's shower. The two girls gather in the kitchen, cooking themselves their traditional brunch. It's what they do each summer : eating one big brunch in the morning, and then dinner at nightfall.

“It feels good to be back here.” says Lexa, struggling with the toaster.

“It does.” agrees Anya sternly. “I kinda missed you this year, you stupid baby.” she adds, messing with Lexa's hair.

Lexa pouts and waves Anya's hand away.

“That's totally your fault. Now that you're all grown up and all, you've left me behind.” she points with a smile.

“Yeah, that's called having a job, Lex. I've been busy.”

Anya shrugs and sits down, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

“What are your plans for today ?” asks Lexa. “I was thinking about going to the beach. It looked very peaceful this morning.”

“I need to fix the sink in the bathroom.” replies Anya. “I'll catch up with you later.”

Lexa nods. While they enjoyed each other's company, they were private people and liked to spend time on their own. It was one of the reason why they were getting along so well, because they didn't feel the need to cling onto each other at every minute.

“Our shift starts at seven o'clock this evening.” Anya reminds her.

“I still don't get why you do this.” Lexa shakes her head. “You already have a job, why would you want to work during the holidays ?”

“It keeps me busy on the evenings. Besides, I need to keep an eye on you, baby girl.”

Lexa throws a pancake at her to wipe the annoying smirk off of her face. Anya dodges it and manages to catch it before it fells on the floor. She stuffs it in her mouth, satisfied with herself.

“Thanks for the pancake, Lexa.”

They eat in a comfortable silence. Lexa feels happiness warm her body. This was exactly what she needed. A calm, peaceful summer with her friend.

It's half past eleven when she gathers a few things to bring to the beach. She makes sure to wear a bathing suit under her clothes, a nice bikini she had bought last year. She takes a book, – Wilde's Picture of Dorian Gray, one of her all-time favorites – a towel, and leaves.

“I'll be waiting for you at our usual spot.” she screams at Anya as she walks out of the door.

 

\---

 

The beach isn't too crowded, but it's not empty either. Clarke decides it's the perfect amount of people. She lingers behind the rest of the group, taking in her surroundings, while Jasper and Murphy throw their towels on the sand. They all settle down in a large circle, chatting merrily.

Not far from where they are, a girl is lying flat on her stomach, reading a book. Clarke frowns. They're probably going to annoy her. It's not like they're the quietest people in the world.

She's about to point it out to her friends when she's attacked by behind by Octavia.

“Get off of me!” she tries to run away as her friend is tickling her. “What the hell, Octavia!”

Octavia steps back with a shrug.

“I was trying to distract you.”

“What?” asks Clarke, taken aback.

“You were staring. And I don't want to owe Raven five bucks.”

It takes a few moments for Clarke to understand what this is about. Oh, right, the dumb bet. Clarke glances quickly at the girl, who is still reading.

“I wasn't staring.” she precises, rolling her eyes. “I was just thinking that maybe we should move somewhere else. We might be bothering her.”

Raven chooses this instant to interrupt their conversation, sneaking up between her two friends.

“Uh, for the record, Griffin, you were totally staring. And that's the exact reason why we should stay right there.”

Ridiculous. Clarke wasn't staring. Okay, the girl is very pretty, but anyone could notice it, and okay, perhaps her eyes lingered a bit over her beautiful braided hair and her high cheekbones, but that's not a crime, really.

“You can do whatever you want”, growls Murphy lazily besides them, “but I'm not going anywhere.”

“That's settled then”, smirks Raven. “We are going to stay here and you can stare all you want.”

“I was not staring.” repeats Clarke stubbornly.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Griffin.”

Clarke glares at her and grabs her sunglasses, putting them on angrily. Partly because the sun is very bright and she's still a bit hungover. But also because this way her friends won't be able to tell where her eyes are wandering.

And she's definitely not looking at the girl again. She really doesn't study the outline of her profile, the curve of her eyebrow and the adorable way she frowns while focusing on her book.

Nope. Clarke isn't the staring type. She certainly does not notice that the girl is wearing a long-sleeved shirt and a pair of denim shorts that fit her damn well, revealing her long, bare tanned legs, and...

She shakes her head. Not staring. Clarke swallows, her mouth suddenly a little dry, and focuses back on her friends. Jasper and Monty are having a heated discussion over some video game, she thinks. Clarke pointedly ignores Raven, who is looking at her with a knowing grin.

Clarke, trying to clear her head – not that it needs to be cleared, anyway – decides to take off her clothes, revealing her bikini.

“Looking hot, Clarke.” comments Bellamy, earning a cold glare from his sister.

“Who has the sun cream ?” she asks, really not willing to get sunburned.

“It's in my bag. Here.” replies Maya, looking through her bag. Her skin is very frail, so she's extremely careful during the summer.

She hands Clarke the sun cream, who thanks her and starts applying it on her own body. Her friends are all busy chatting away, and she tunes them out.

Her hands drawing circling patterns, she carefully covers her stomach in sun cream. Looking around, she catches the girl with the book glancing very quickly at her. Well, at them. She's now sure the noise is bothering her.

Once she's done with the cream, she lays on her back and decides to close her eyes for a few minutes. Surrounded by the reassuring, familiar noise of her friends' conversation, she's delighted by the warm touch of the sun on her body. It feels good, it feels like summer and holidays. Her mind starts wandering around, thinking of nothing in particular.

The graduation. Her future college. Last night's drinking. The pretty girl reading her book a few meters away.

Clarke internally frowns. It's probably some kind of a record. She manages to stare even with her eyes closed. The memory of the girl, fresh and detailed, is burning behind her eyelids. If Raven could read her mind right now, Clarke would never hear the end of it.

“Dammit.” she mumbles under her breath, sitting up. This is helpless. She needs to find something else to do.

Raven smirks besides her.

“What's up, something bothering you?”

“I can't close my eyes with you guys making this much noise.” replies Clarke automatically.

“Yeah. And you can't check her out with your eyes closed, too.”

Clarke's eyes widen.

“Could you be a little louder, Raven? She's gonna hear you!” she hisses.

Glancing at the girl, Clarke freezes. Snapping her book shut, the girl stands up in a fluid movement.

How great. She heard Raven and now she's coming at them to tell them to shut up and get the hell out of there.

“Relax, Griffin.” chuckles Raven, nudging her in the arm. “She can't hear me from there.”

“Oh. Right.” Clarke shakes her head. She's overreacting. That's unlike her.

The girl isn't coming towards them at all. She does look upset about her noisy neighbors, but that's not why she just got up. In fact, she doesn't give any sign of acknowledging their existence. It kinda makes Clarke want to wave in front of her to get her attention.

Instead, the girl unbuttons her shorts and lets them slide down her legs, taking them off. In one quick motion, she pulls her shirt over her head as well and there she is, wearing nothing but a blue bikini, and casually walks towards the sea to jump into the waves.

“Okay, now you're drooling.” sighs Octavia, rolling her eyes.

“I am too.” indicates Bellamy pointedly.

“Ew, gross.” grunts his sister between gritted teeth.

“Uh, excuse me, O', your brother has impeccable taste. He definitely recognizes a goddess when he sees one. I mean, have you seen her body ? Damn. And that tattoo is turning me on, I have to admit it.”

Octavia shuts Raven up by throwing her towel into her face. Clarke is grateful for the distraction. Her cheeks are oddly burning up.

“Calm yourself down and back off, Reyes. I think Clarke called shotgun on that one.” smirks Murphy as Raven sticks out her tongue to him.

Clarke feels mortified. She really needs to find new friends and ditch this bunch of embarrassing losers. Speaking up her mind, she only earns a crushing hug from Jasper and Monty.

“You can sulk all you want, truth is you love us.” says Jasper merrily. “That being said, we know exactly who you're dying to befriend right now.”

He mimicks quotation marks around the word “befriend”, heavily winking. This is Jasper Jordan's idea of subtlety.

She can't help but glance at the girl currently swimming with so much ease it's disturbing. As she emerges from a particularly big wave, her body dripping with water, droplets shining on her eyelashes and arms and flat, toned stomach, Clarke catches her eye.

She could swear the girl is looking at her with unconcealed curiosity, and a bit of something else she can't exactly decipher. Whatever it is, it gets her heartbeat sped up. She blinks, and suddenly the girl is back ignoring her.

Clarke tries not to notice the weird sensation settling in the pit of her stomach.

As the boys start to complain about feeling hungry, Clarke, Monty and Maya head to the groceries store to buy sandwiches for the group.

When they come back, the girl is gone. Clarke swallows back whatever irrational disappointment she vaguely feels.

After all, it's highly likely she won't ever see that girl again.

 

\---

 

Lexa's nimble fingers are running deftly over the keys, eliciting from the piano a sweet melody. She's playing Debussy's Clair de Lune, just like Anya asked her. Under her touch, the big wooden instrument comes to life, her trained hands delicately awakening the sounds hidden in its strings.

Silently sitting by her side, Anya's sipping her red wine. She closes her eyes and leans against the wall, enjoying the music.

Lexa is halfway through Chopin's Nocturne op.9 when her friend clears her throat, just loud enough for her to hear and stop playing.

“As much as I love listening to you, I need to remind you that we're working tonight. We should get going, it's late already.” she says, downing the rest of her drink like it was water.

“Right.” agrees Lexa with a quiet sigh.

“I'll go to the beach with you tomorrow. That way, maybe you won't freak out and come back here after an hour.” adds Anya with a smirk.

Lexa frowns, offended.

“Hey, there were very noisy people right next to our usual spot. You probably would have lost your patience and hit them, if you were here.”

“Well, then let's be glad I wasn't here. I get into enough trouble at home, let's try to keep this holiday trip peaceful.”

Anya pats her head like she knows Lexa hates, and gets out of the music room. Lexa follows her a minute later, ready for a busy evening at the bar restaurant.

 

\---

 

“Table eleven, the lobster and the cheeseburger!” yells the manager.

Lexa hurries to do the service. The restaurant is crowded, and she's one of the only two waitresses tonight. At the bar, Anya is pouring drinks with efficiency, also dealing with a consequent number of customers.

She comes back to the kitchen, waiting for the next order. Noticing a bit of chicken sauce on the tip of her fingers, she washes her hands and wipes her palms on her uniform. She's wearing a black skirt and a white shirt, which is a disaster on most days. Lexa's not the clumsiest person alive, but tipsy customers or running kids often make her lose her balance and end up staining her shirt.

“Table four, eight clients.” yells the manager.

Lexa nods and rushes to take their order, walking her way through the busy room. She stiffens for a moment when she spots the people sitting at said table, but quickly recovers.

It's no big deal. They're just ordinary customers.

Except they're not. They're the bunch of annoying tourists who were so loud on the beach earlier that she couldn't read in peace and had to go back to the house.

The older guy sees her first and quiets down, waiting for Lexa to come. Next to him, the broody boy gives her a smirk. Lexa wonders what this is about. The other two guys are busy chatting with a gorgeous brunette, while a shy girl listens to them. And then, her eyes falls on the blonde girl she saw earlier, the quietest of the lot, who is speaking with a very beautiful girl, prom queen type.

“Good evening”, she interrupts them, feeling the weight of eight pairs of eyes scanning her. “Welcome to the Seaside Bar Restaurant, I'll be your waitress for the night.”

“Well, hello.” grins the brunette girl with the tanned skin. “That's a nice tattoo you got here.” she adds playfully, looking at Lexa's bare arm.

Lexa feels heat creeping up her neck. She notices the blonde girl burying her head into her hands with a sigh.

“I... Thanks, I guess.” replies Lexa hesitantly, a bit confused. “What, uh, do you want to order? Have you made up your mind?”

The brunette girl is about to speak again, with a wide smirk that makes Lexa extremely uncomfortable, when prom queen hits the back of her head.

“Shut up.” tells prom queen, glaring at her friend. To Lexa's relief, the girl doesn't insist.

“We'll just all take chicken and french fries.” says the older guy.

Lexa quickly scrawls it down on her notepad.

“What will you have to drink?” she asks politely.

She listens carefully while they all order different drinks, writing all of it down. The blonde girl speaks last, locking her eyes with Lexa's.

“I'll take, um...” Her voice trails away, low and husky.

Lexa never takes her eyes away from the girl, while she looks into the menu.

“Take your time.” says Lexa.

The blonde girl raises her blue eyes and stares into Lexa's.

“You know what, I don't know. All of your cocktails seem... exotic.”

For some reason, the word makes something stir in Lexa's throat. She had always felt a little weird when pretty girls looked at her intensely like that. She snaps out of her thoughts, reminding herself to act professionally.

“Maybe you should settle for something more traditional, a coke maybe?” she offers.

“I like to try new things.” the girl says with a small smile. “Why don't you choose for me?”

The brunette girl lets out a giggle, quickly earning another slap from both prom queen and the oldest boy.

“Uh... If you will...” says Lexa, feeling her cheeks blush oddly. “What do you like?”

“Surprise me.” replies the blonde girl at once, her eyes intense, her voice lower.

Lexa blinks. The air had suddenly become thicker, hotter.

“Alright, I'll be back when your order's ready.” she announces with a smile, turning on her heels without waiting for an answer.

As she walks away from the table, she ignores the feeling of blue eyes digging a hole on the back of her neck.

Back into the kitchen, she quickly pours herself a glass of water while reporting the order to the cooks. For some reason, her mouth had gone slightly dry.

She shakes her head to get her focus back and heads off to take the next customers' orders.

Once the chicken and fries are ready, she takes them to table four, expertly balancing all the plates on her arms.

“Here you go.” she says, forbidding herself to look at the blonde girl. “I'll be right back with your drinks.”

She walks to the bar, drawing Anya's attention.

“I need those.” she says, handing her the notepad with the seven orders. “And a bella luna, alcohol free.”

“Alright.” replies Anya, starting to mix the cocktails.

Once she's done, Lexa goes back to the table, distributing all the drinks. She allows herself to look at the blonde girl while she hands her her glass.

“It's a bella luna. Classic, but refreshing, ideal for a hot summer night like this. It's basically orange juice, ananas, and green lemon. I hope it's okay.” she explains, lowering her eyes.

“It's very nice.” says the girl with a satisfied smile.

“And, uh, it's alcohol free. I figured, well,” Lexa gestures at the girl's body, feeling extremely awkward, “underage and all that.”

Lexa is usually very good with words. But right now, she's afraid she's not making much sense.

“It's very considerate of you.”

“What Clarke here means to say,” interrupts the brunette girl, “is that you seem to have _great_ taste. You certainly know how to please a girl.”

Lexa has a sense she's talking about more than just a drink. She flashes them a polite smile before running away, refusing to let Clarke see the bright red color that is most certainly reaching her face.

Clarke. She likes the sound of the name, the way it clicks on her tongue, sweet and sharp all at once. She can't wait to try it, but doesn't allow herself to sound like a complete idiot whispering a stranger's name in the middle of a crowded restaurant.

A few minutes later, carrying a tray of a few empty glasses, she bumps into someone on their way out of the bathroom and her tray falls to the floor.

“Shit.” she mumbles under her breath, dropping to her knees to pick up the glasses. “I'm so sorry.” she adds out loud for the person to hear.

“It's okay. It was my fault.” answers Clarke, getting on her knees as well to help her.

Lexa stills, forgetting to breathe. She wasn't expecting to run into her, but there she is, really gorgeous and obliging and perfect.

“Hi again. Clarke.” Lexa couldn't resist. The name tastes like sugar and exotic spices on her tongue.

Clarke smiles and picks up the last glass, carefully putting it back on the tray.

“I wanted to say,” she says hesitantly, “I'm sorry about earlier.”

Lexa frowns.

“About what?”

“At the beach. We must have been really bothering you.”

Oh. Well, yes, they were really fucking annoying and she had to get back to the house to get some peace.

“It was nothing.” she lies. “I was going to leave anyway.”

Clarke puts her hand on Lexa's and Lexa's breath catches in her throat.

“I'm still sorry.” mutters Clarke.

If it was up to Lexa, she would stay like that for hours. Unfortunately, she has work to do and just because she's hella gay doesn't mean Clarke is anyhow interested in her.

And Lexa is frankly done with crushes on straight girls. She quickly frees her hand and grabs her tray, standing up.

“I need to get going.” she explains, avoiding Clarke's face.

At the end of the evening, when she brings the bill to table four, she also does her best to keep her eyes off of the blonde girl.

“I hope you had a lovely dinner.” she says.

“How could we not?” answers the brunette girl. “The food was great and the view was amazing.”

Lexa pretends not to notice that she's eying her up and down instead of looking at the beach.

“Right, Clarke?” adds the girl with a smile that Lexa very much wants to wipe off of her face. What was the deal with that girl and her innuendos she didn't fully understand?

“We never caught your name, by the way.” says Clarke, handing Lexa a generous tip.

“Oh, thank you.” replies Lexa before offering her name. “I'm Lexa.”

“Lexa.” repeats Clarke.

Lexa shivers. Her own name sounds somewhat sensual when pronounced in that low, attractive voice.

“Well, goodnight.” The oldest guy stands up, followed by the others, breaking Lexa's train of thought.

“Goodnight to you too.” she answers with professionalism.

Clarke lingers behind her friends, gathering her stuff into her purse. She turns to Lexa, who is awkwardly standing besides the now empty table.

“I guess I'll see you around, Lexa.” she says, running a hand through her beautiful hair.

“Perhaps.”

Lexa really wishes Clarke would leave now. It's bad enough she's undeniably attracted to her, she doesn't need this to turn into a hopeless crush that would torture her for the rest of the summer.

“I think I would be disappointed if I didn't.” adds Clarke.

Great. Her heartbeat picks up and Lexa curses herself for being so weak.

“Me too.” She regrets the words even before they leave her mouth.

Clarke's friends have stepped outside the restaurant, not yet noticing the blonde girl's disappearance. Said girl suddenly takes a deep breath.

“I... I mean, I know that we don't know each other and all that but you seem pretty cool and you were really patient on the beach and also tonight at dinner with Raven's embarrassing behavior which by the way I apologize for and...”

“Clarke.” interrupts Lexa. “Breathe.”

It would be funny if Clarke's level of cuteness wasn't totally ruining Lexa's self-control. She really wants to know how those lips would feel against hers.

“Yeah.” smiles Clarke. “So, um, anyway.”

She takes a pen out of her bag and grabs Lexa's wrist, pausing for a moment.

“May I?”

Lexa simply nods, her brain focusing exclusively on the softness of Clarke's hand on her skin. Clarke starts writing something on her forearm, and she tries hard not to shiver. Partly because it's tickling, partly because Clarke is touching her and wow she's actually giving Lexa her _number._

“Here.” says Clarke once she's done. “If you wanna hang out or something, I promise my friends will behave. They're actually pretty cool once you get to know them.”

“Right.” whispers Lexa hesitantly.

“Or maybe if you just wanna hang out with me.” adds Clarke quickly. “Grab a drink or something.”

She's still holding Lexa's wrist. Lexa should really get back to just being a waitress and politely decline the invitation, because she _knows_ this can't possibly be a good idea. But it's just impossible to focus on any reasonable thought when Clarke is standing so close. Lexa blinks. She's going to smile, refuse and get back to her shift.

“Sure. I'll text you.” she says.

Crap. She's whipped.

“Awesome. Uh...” Clarke glances at the exit door where the brunette girl – Raven – is poking her head, grinning broadly. “I should go. You've got work.”

Lexa nods and takes a step back, looking for something to say.

“Goodnight, Lexa.” Clarke waves at her and leaves.

All the while, Lexa remains frozen, incapable of tearing her gaze away from the blonde's silhouette. _I'll text you._ What the hell.

Clarke is very pretty and extremely nice, but her friends are loud and annoying and Lexa doesn't want to have to stay around them and suffer through their jokes while nursing her desperate one-sided crush.

Lexa has known girls like Clarke in highschool, beautiful, self-confident and painfully straight, with a boyfriend glued to them all day. Lexa always avoided them. She always had been a loner. She hated it when they would try to befriend her, with all their hugs and their dozens of friends.

But when Clarke turns around to offer her one last smile, Lexa's stupidly flustered and she knows how hopeless the situation is. Yeah, she's definitely going to text her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone and welcome to this fic, I hope you will enjoy reading this as much as I like writing it ! Note : The title for this story is coming from the lyrics of Spectrum, by Florence + the Machine.


	2. Misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets the wrong idea about Anya. Lexa is an awkward idiot.

“So. That was a good day.” says Raven in the dark of their room.

It's past 2 am and they're finally gone to bed, exhausted by those long hours by the beach and the reminiscent excess of last night's drinking.

“Yeah, it was.” agrees Clarke, laying down under the soft bedsheets.

She dutifully waits for Raven's sassy comment, counting backwards in her head. Three. Two. One.

“I mean, especially for you, you sneaky seductress.”

Clarke rolls her eyes and fights back the urge to throw herself at her friend to tickle her to death.

“You know, I've wanted to murder you all throughout the evening. You were _so_ embarrassing.” she says instead.

“Oh, believe me, I know. But I was enjoying myself way too much to care.”

“You're a terrible friend.”

“Exactly. But I'm the friend who's gonna win five bucks when you end up with _Lexaaa_.”

Clarke rolls on her side, facing Raven's bed in the dark.

“Did it occur to you that maybe I just want to be friends with her?” she deflects.

“Nope. I know you too well, Griffin, you keep forgetting that.”

She doesn't know what to answer. It's true, Raven knows her better than anyone in the world and yes, perhaps she wishes a bit more than friendship from Lexa. But she's not going to push anything if the girl doesn't give her any indication that she's interested. Clarke knows better than to pursue straight girls.

“I can't figure her out.” she whispers, mostly to herself. “She looks shy, but I don't think she is. I think that maybe she doesn't like company much. She's... interesting.”

Her phone buzzes, the screen lighting up the bedroom in a dim, ghostly light.

“If that's Jasper, tell him that yes I am the one who stole his shoes.” grunts Raven, covering her eyes.

It's not Jasper.

_Unknown number – 2:37 am : Hello again, Clarke. It's me._

Clarke fails to restrain the smile that lifts up the corners of her mouth.

“Clarke?”

She can see Raven sitting up in the dark.

“Mmmh, yeah?” she asks distractedly.

_Unknown number – 2:38 am : I mean, it's Lexa. From the beach and the restaurant._

A pillow roughly lands on her face. She snaps out of her thoughts and shots Raven a glare.

“Holy fuck, Clarke, did you manage to give her your number?” She swears she can actually hear the smirk in Raven's voice.

“How did you...” she shakes her head. There's really no point in trying to hide anything from Raven. “Yes.”

“Smooth. I'm impressed, Griffin.”

“Hey, calm down. It doesn't mean anything. It's _just_ a text. It doesn't mean she's interested.”

“Sure.” Raven pauses. “And then it's _just_ a kiss, and ohh, it's _just_ her tongue in your mouth, and before you know it she's _just_ in your bed and...”

“Thanks Raven, I got the idea.” snaps Clarke. She's grateful for the lack of light that dissimulates her furious blushing.

She quickly saves the number and drums her fingers on the screen.

_Clarke – 2:41 am : Of course I remember :) have you finished your shift?_

She tunes out Raven's embarrassing comments, hiding beneath the sheets to pretend she's asleep.

“Goodnight, Raven.”

“You know I can see your phone glowing through the blanket, dumbass.”

Clarke ignores her.

_Lexa – 2:43 am : Yes, I'm home now._

_Clarke – 2:43 am : Did you walk alone at night? Not very safe_

_Lexa – 2:44 am : Oh no, don't worry. Anya was with me._

Clarke frowns.

_Clarke – 2:45 am : Anya?_

_Lexa – 2:46 am : Ah, yes, sorry. She's the barmaid at the restaurant. I'm staying at her place for the summer._

For some reason, Clarke's throat tightens. She wishes Lexa would clear that situation out for her, but at the same time she doesn't really want to know. Anya could be Lexa's sister or cousin or friend or girlfriend, and the latter possibility awakens something weird inside her. She vaguely recalls what Anya looks like. Really fucking gorgeous. But she doesn't want to overstep boundaries and push the subject any further.

_Clarke – 2:48 am : Ok. :)_

_Clarke – 2:49 am : Are you working everyday?_

_Lexa – 2:50 am : 7pm to 1am five days a week. I'm free on Sundays and Mondays._

Today's  Tuesd ay. Clarke makes a mental note to invite Lexa over for a party on Sunday or Monday, if this whole friendship thing works out.

_Lexa – 2:52 am : Listen, Clarke, it's great talking to you but I need to sleep. Goodnight, see you around._

_Clarke – 2:52 am : Alright, sleep well! :) I'm looking forward to it! ;)_

She turns her phone off and closes her eyes.

“How's it going? Have you asked her out yet?” Raven blurts out.

“Raven. Seriously, I just think we could be good friends.”

There's a moment of silence.

“If you say so.” her friend finally says.

“Wait, you actually believe me?” Clarke widens her eyes, taken aback. That's a first in the whole Reyes history.

“What, are you kidding? Of course not. Obviously.” she giggles while Clarke sighs. “But, you know, whatever makes you feel comfortable.”

“Like you give a shit about making people feel comfortable.” Clarke rolls her eyes.

“Good point. Well, I'm tired, so, I'm gonna wish you a good night. Try not to drool too much in your sleep thinking about Lexa.”

“Raven.” Clarke snaps.

“Okay, okay, you're allowed to. I probably will do so myself.”

Clarke mutters something rude under her breath and sinks further into the bed, ignoring her friend. She drifts into sleep within seconds.

 

\---

 

Lexa gets up at 9 am to go for her daily run. Anya, going back to her old habits, has warned her not to wake her up before noon.

Jogging allows her to be alone with herself and her thoughts, and inevitably Lexa finds herself thinking about Clarke. Which she really shouldn't.

She has texted Clarke when she came home last night, moved by an irresistible instinct. The exchange was brief and normal, but it had set some things in motion inside her mind she thought were long asleep.

Just like the day before, she slows down at the other end of the town, walking around the neighborhood. She pauses in front of the house where she almost tripped onto the bottle of tequila. Today, the sidewalk is clean, the tourist have kept their garbage where Lexa can't see it. Good. She considers knocking at the door to inform them of last day's incident, but restraints herself. It's not worth it. They're probably rude, dumb tourists.

Lexa wonders where Clarke lives. Most likely in this very town, anyway. The thought makes her heartbeat pick up. Maybe she's not far from there. Perhaps she has even seen Lexa running from her window a few minutes ago.

Feeling stupidly watched and flustered, Lexa heads back to Anya's place. She needs to get Clarke out of her head, and fast. Otherwise, she can kiss goodbye all hopes of peace and relaxation.

Had she stayed in front of the tourists' house a little longer, she would have had the pleasant surprise of spotting Clarke stepping out of the mansion to check the mail.

 

\---

 

As always, Anya makes sensation on the beach. With her runway model silhouette, her tanned skin and her angular, beautiful face, she seems to irresistibly draw everyone's eye. As always, it doesn't affect her in any way.

“There's a guy watching you.” informs Lexa on a flat tone. “I correct that. They're two of them.”

“I'm very aware.” answers Anya behind her sunglasses.

Lexa focuses back into her book, glancing around every minute or so.

“What is it with you?” finally asks Anya, raising an eyebrow. “You look like you're waiting for someone.”

“I'm not.” replies Lexa just a little too fast.

Anya slowly props herself up on an elbow, lifts her sunglasses on top of her head and snatches the book from Lexa's hand.

“Alright, tell me everything.”

Lexa sighs. She's an extremely secretive person, but every layer of reserve she has just melts when confronted with Anya's scrutinizing stare.

“I may,” she says, “or may not have met someone yesterday. And she may, or may not have given me her number.”

“Good.” decides Anya after a moment, and she quickly lays back down, putting her sunglasses over her eyes.

“What, that's it? You're not going to say or ask anything?” frowns Lexa, caught off guard.

“No. I just think it's good, considering it's been months since you haven't gotten laid.”

Anya's voice is still flat and clinical, merely stating facts. Lexa feels her cheeks burning up.

“Anya”, she starts, offended, “I...”

“Don't be such a baby about it. You'll be nineteen in like six months. It's okay to feel those needs, Lexa.”

Lexa feels even more uncomfortable. She's positive her face has turned a nice shade of crimson.

“It's not like that, Anya.”

“Oh yeah, why?”

“Well, perhaps because I'm ninety percent sure she's straight and looking for a friend. Oh, and also because not everyone is a sex-craving animal like you.”

Anya smirks.

“She did give you her number. And, for your information, I just have a healthy sex life. You should try it sometimes.”

“Can you just drop it?” snaps Lexa, out of patience with this topic.

A silence falls down on them. Lexa tries in vain to read her book, but all she's stuck on the same phrase, her brain not registering the words.

She closes her book and sighs heavily. Anya snorts.

“I don't know whether she's straight or not, but she certainly seems to get under your skin.”

Lexa grunts.

“This has nothing to do with her. You were just being an ass.”

Anya doesn't apologize. She never does.

“You know I'm right.” she says instead. “It's the holidays and a casual hook-up would do you more good than you know.”

“I'm not into meaningless sex.” mumbles Lexa stubbornly.

“You should. It would help you chill out a little, and it would be good for your personal issues. You've been running low on self-confidence since Costia left you.”

Lexa refuses to answer.

She's finally reading her book and has almost forgotten all about Anya's questionable advice when she spots people coming.

Clarke is there, of course, and the delicate summer breeze plays with the hem of her dress, lifting it up until it reaches the upper half of her thighs, exposing way more skin that Lexa needs to see. She hides herself behind the Picture of Dorian Gray, suddenly extremely absorbed by the story.

And, predictably, this is Anya's cue to raise her head. She whistles appreciatively.

“Okay, Lexa, given your sudden renewed interest in this dusty piece of paper, I'm assuming she's there. I don't know which girl you are talking about, but either of them is fucking hot.”

Anya tilts her head to the side.

“Well, except for the pale one with the black hair and shy attitude. She looks extremely cute, but, not really my type. I like my women confident and challenging. So, which one is yours? Let me know so I don't accidentally overstep.”

Lexa rolls her eyes.

“Please tell me you're not actually thinking about getting one of them into your bed.”

“Of course not.” smirks Anya. “A bit too young for me, I'm afraid.”

Raising an eyebrow, Lexa decides she doesn't fully believe it. Risking a glance at the group of people, who _of course_ decide to settle next to them, she sees that Clarke spotted her.

Lexa swallows nervously.

“Behave.” she hisses to Anya. “She's coming.”

Smiling, Clarke approaches her. Lexa awkwardly rushes to her feet, not sure how to greet her. Noticing her hesitation, Clarke just stands next to her, not initiating contact.

“Hey, Lexa, you're there.” she says, looking genuinely pleased.

“Hello. Clarke.” Once again, the name on her tongue sounds like something new and forbidden, like a stolen kiss. “How are you?”

“I'm fine, thank you.” answers Clarke, batting her long, long eyelashes. “What about you, you're not too tired after last night?”

“Being a waitress isn't exactly the toughest thing on earth and I'm used to working hard anyway.” Lexa curses herself. That came out harsher than she intended.

Noticing the flash of hurt and confusion that comes across Clarke's face, she's about to apologize. But Clarke is faster, and deftly tries to change the subject.

“I have no doubt.” Her eyes drop on Anya, and then shoot back up to meet Lexa's, full of some sort of expectancy. “Um, I...”

She holds out her hand for Anya to shake it.

“I'm Clarke.” she says with a polite smile.

Anya just stares at her and doesn't move to take the hand she's offered. Lexa internally rolls her eyes at Anya's laziness that is borderline rude.

“I picked up on that.” she replies. Her tone is cold and sharp as usual, it's really typical of her but Lexa knows it's unsettling for people who don't know her.

“This is Anya.” she quickly explains, as Clarke lets her hand fall back to her side.

An awkward silence installs itself. Clarke's look flickers between Lexa and Anya, while she bites down on her lip.

“I should... I should get back to my friends.” she says in a quiet voice. “Bye, Lexa.”

She walks away without her usual smile. Lexa's throat tightens. She confusedly feels like she's missing something, and she can't fathom what it is.

 

\---

 

It's the second time Bellamy stretches, rolling his muscles like he's posing for some photoshoot.

“Bellamy, what the hell are you trying to achieve here?” Octavia snaps her fingers in front of his fae.

He grins, flexing his abs.

“I'm showing off, it's obvious.”

Monty stares at him for a moment, looking a bit distracted.

“Oh yeah, who for?”

Jasper chuckles.

“Really, Monty, even you can spot the sexiest girl on this beach, it's not that hard.”

Raven, looking offended, waves at them.

“Uh, yeah, Monty, I'm right here.”

Clarke tries to smile, but her heart isn't in it. She's still thinking about that very weird and brief interaction she had with Lexa and Anya minutes earlier. Anya behaving like a territorial bitch, Lexa saying absolutely nothing to make Clarke comfortable. She didn't belong with the two of them, she realized, and so she left at once. No matter what's going on between Lexa and her hot bartender, they clearly don't want her to try and get involved with Lexa.

Message received.

Clarke is wounded in her pride, granted, but she's not going to insist if she's not wanted. If Lexa wants to be left alone with Anya, alone with Anya she shall be. Giving her her number had been stupid anyway. She didn't know what she was thinking, she just acted on an impulsion.

She wants to get away from the two girls, maybe get back to the house and avoid them for the rest of the summer. Unfortunately, Bellamy seems determined to step up his game to get Anya's attention.

Because, _yes,_ Anya is really fucking sexy. And for some reason it irritates Clarke very much. She deludes herself into thinking that's because Anya's a bitch.

“Isn't she the bartender from the restaurant?” asks Maya curiously.

“She is.” nods Clarke.

Nobody makes a comment about her gloomy attitude, much to her relief. Her friends know better than to tease her when she's feeling down or angry, and she's grateful for that.

“I think I'm going to go back tonight and order a few drinks.” states Bellamy.

Raven snorts.

“Oh, please, like she'd be interested in you.”

“Seriously, Reyes? I don't think you fully understand the extent of my sex-appeal.” he says, narrowing his eyes. “Girls love me.”

“Girls are stupid.” she retorts.

Next to her, Octavia coughs with purpose.

“I seem to recall that you slept with my brother once.” she smirks.

Both Bellamy and Raven look embarrassed for a second.

“Thank god that was just once.” says Raven jokingly. “Anyway, Bell, that bartender is way out of your league. She's way too hot for you.”

“You're just saying that because you'd be jealous.” answers Bellamy.

Almost everyone gets the wrong idea, but Raven and Bellamy have developed a close friendship and they understand each other with ease.

“I would.” admits Raven. “I like to think I've got way more game than you.”

Jasper starts rubbing his hands merrily.

“Okay, people, that calls for a bet. Who's gonna seduce the hot bartender? Reyes or Blake? It's on.”

“Bellamy.” says Monty at once.

Jasper turns to Maya but she just smiles, not willing to bet.

“I don't feel like playing.” whispers Clarke as well, her eyes locked on the sand beneath her feet.

“Raven's going to win.” declares Octavia without any hesitation. “Sorry, brother.”

Bellamy looks wounded.

“Betrayed by my own blood. How painful.”

“Raven's hotter.” shrugs Octavia. “You just don't stand a chance.”

He turns to Murphy expectantly.

“My money's on Reyes.” says Murphy. “Sorry, dude.”

Bellamy mumbles under his breath.

“You traitors, you'll be all sorry when I'm going to be her boyfriend.”

Raven turns to Octavia and speaks into her hear.

“See, that's his first mistake. A woman like that, the way she behaves, she's not looking for a boyfriend. I'm guessing she's into casual stuff.”

Octavia nods and bets five dollars, followed by Murphy and Monty.

Feeling out of place, Clarke decides to swim a little.

The cold waves on her face and the water wrapping her body do nothing to help her get her mind off of Lexa's somewhat-rejection.

 

\---

 

If it's possible, the night is even busier than the last. Lexa keeps running around, trying to rush her way throughout the restaurant to comply to every customer's demands. Around eleven o'clock, she sees now familiar figures entering the crowded room.

Something in her stomach drops when she notices Clarke isn't there. The Asian-looking boy and the shy girl are missing too.

Clarke's friends, led by Raven and the oldest boy, head directly to the bar where Anya is pouring drinks. Astounded, Lexa watches from afar when the guy starts speaking to Anya while casually flashing her a seducing smile. Raven is leaning on the counter, flirting unabashedly.

What the hell. Why are these people so weird.

Lexa shakes her head and gets back to her job.

A few minutes later, she walks up to the bar as well.

“I need three mojitos.” she tells Anya, failing to avoid to look at Clarke's friends.

“Coming right away.” answers Anya while the guy is talking to her.

“Hello, Lexa.” says Raven to her with her usual irksome smirk.

“Hello, Raven.” she automatically responds.

“How do you know my name?” the girl raises an eyebrow, looking a bit surprised for the first time ever. Lexa can't help but feel a certain satisfaction.

“Clarke mentioned it.” she explains.

Anya is finishing to mix the second drink, and she's going to be stuck here next to Raven for at least one more minute, so Lexa only hesitates for about a second.

“She didn't come?”

“She didn't want to.” answers Raven, looking at Lexa straight in the eye. For the first time, she actually looks dead serious. Almost accusative. But that's ridiculous, Lexa hasn't done anything wrong, so she pushes back the thought.

“Oh.”

She doesn't know what else to say.

Anya hands her the cocktails and she's off again.

 

\---

 

Clarke stretches and yawns. She hasn't slept well. She quietly gets out of her bedroom and steps outside the house, sitting down beneath the porch. Everyone is still fast asleep into their beds.

She has brought her sketching book. Absentmindedly, she starts to draw the beach.

It's not even half past nine when she hears someone approaching in the silence of the street. It's a jogger, she guesses, young and fast, someone trained. Probably a woman, judging by the light footsteps and breathing.

The jogger passes in front of the house. Clarke's hand stiffens around her pen. It's Lexa.

“Oh, hey.” Lexa stops and comes closer, out of breath.

“Hi, Lexa.” Clarke forces herself to be polite. She still resents Lexa for her behavior at the beach, but tries not to show it.

Lexa stays at a distance, visibly embarrassed to be seen like this, sweaty and breathless.

“So... You live here?”

“For six weeks, yes.”

Clarke's tone is a little dry. She can't help it. It's unfair of Lexa to act distant in front of Anya and then talk to her like they're good friends.

Lexa chuckles.

“What's funny?” snaps Clarke.

“You know”, says Lexa softly, “I come here every morning, and I almost knocked at your door two days ago to yell at you. I guess you guys had a little too much to drink and I almost stepped onto an empty bottle of tequila.”

Clarke doesn't know if she should laugh or if Lexa's expecting an apology. Because it that's the case, she's not going to get one. If anything, it's Lexa who should apologize to Clarke, and not the other damn way around.

So she says nothing, and she doesn't laugh, she just stares at Lexa like she is speaking some foreign language.

And it is extremely unfair that Lexa looks so fit when Clarke just wants to resent her. Her leggings chisel her legs in a very flattering way, and her tank top reveals her toned arm with that fascinating tattoo. Even now, while she's sweaty, she's really hot and attractive.

And confused. Not sure of how to react to Clarke's stubborn silence, Lexa scratches the back of her neck.

“What are you doing?” she asks, noticing the sketchbook on Clarke's lap.

She comes a little closer to take a look at the drawing.

“It's very beautiful, Clarke.” she says, admiring.

Clarke doesn't tell her that she's been trying to draw her the entire past day, lingering on the green, greyish eyes and the beautiful hair, the high cheekbones and the well-defined jawline.

“Thank you.” she whispers just loud enough for Lexa to hear.

“I've seen your friends yesterday at the bar.” Lexa adds quietly.

Clarke can hear the unspoken words. _You were not here._

“Raven told me so.” she answers, staring at Lexa.

“Why didn't you come?” asks Lexa, her eyes big and soft and mesmerizing.

“I didn't want to.” Her reply is harsh, but she doesn't regret it.

Lexa looks a bit like a kicked puppy. There's an awkward silence.

“Well... I'll leave you to your drawings then.” Lexa slowly says.

She looks like she's waiting for something. Maybe she expects Clarke to hold her back and tell her to stay a little bit.

“Goodbye, Lexa.” answers Clarke with an inexpressive look on her face.

Lexa walks away, frowning in confusion, throwing Clarke a timid smile. Clarke doesn't reciprocate it. Let Lexa go back to her beloved Anya.

 

\---

 

“And then she just said goodbye, not a smile, nothing.” finishes Lexa.

Anya is still staring at her with her glass of wine in the hand. When she had forced Lexa – _again_ – to confess what was bothering her, she didn't expect the stream of words that just flowed out of the girl's mouth.

Lexa isn't usually talkative.

“You're an idiot.” deadpans Anya at last.

“What? What did I do wrong?” Lexa's really lost right now.

“I think I scared her, back at the beach.” admits Anya. “Not on purpose, well, almost not. But I know how to analyze a situation, Lex. She thought I was being possessive of you, obviously. The thing is, you're really blind sometimes and you did not say anything to correct her.”

Lexa shakes her head.

“That's screwed up.”

Anya shrugs and takes a sip of red wine.

“Women.” she says casually. “Either way, you're gonna set it right, Lex. Not that I care, but you look fucking confused and I'd like to spend a nice holiday with you being relaxed, and, if possible, getting laid on a regular basis. So you go find your Clarke girl and tell her that I'm not your girlfriend, and ask her out or something. Or just have sex with her, I don't care, just quit this damn puppy dog expression.”

Anya's quite rude, but Lexa thinks she might be right on some level. Lexa didn't exactly do her best to make Clarke feel at ease around Anya. Not that Clarke was feeling threatened, because that would be assuming she was interested in Lexa – which, duh, ridiculous – but she must have felt unwanted.

“Do you think that's why she didn't come at the restaurant as well? Because she was avoiding me, and probably you too?”

Anya just nods, rolling her eyes. Yes, maybe Lexa is a bit slow to understand some things about social interactions. It's why she was never good at befriending people. She's good at scaring them off while keeping an innate classiness, but that's about it.

When she's done processing Anya's advice, the young woman is gone, probably taking a shower.

Lexa checks her watch. It's Thursday and it's almost six o'clock, but she still has some time before her shift begins. She's going to pay Clarke a visit.

 

\---

 

_Lexa – 6:21 pm : Hey. So, my shift starts in about forty minutes and the bell is broken. No one heard me knocking so that would be cool if you could just let me in._

_Lexa – 6:21 pm : Or not. I can stay outside. What I meant is I just need to talk to you._

_Lexa – 6:22 pm : Well. I actually don't need to, I would just really appreciate it._

_Lexa – 6:23 pm : I get it if you don't want to, though. It's okay too._

_Lexa – 6:24 pm : I'm just going to shut up now._

_Lexa – 6:25 pm : But if you could open the door. I'd like that._

Clarke picks up her phone and widens her eyes when she sees Lexa's list of messages. She checks the time. _Fuck_. It's 6:45 already.

She rushes down the stairs, cutting Octavia in the middle of some passionate soliloquy about why pizza is more than just food.

She shuts the door open and Lexa's surprisingly still there, standing somewhat awkwardly.

“Hi.” her face lightens up a bit when she sees Clarke.

“I'm really sorry, I didn't see the time. Aren't you going to be late?” asks Clarke worryingly.

“It's okay.” quickly says Lexa. “If I run, I can get to the restaurant in ten minutes. So I'll have to make this fast. I needed to tell you that...”

“How many minutes would you take if you had a car?” Clarke interrupts.

“Three, I guess. But, anyway, I should probably tell you that...”

Clarke disappears into the house for a second, telling Lexa to hold on.

She comes back with Raven's truck keys in her hand and closes the door behind her.

“I'll drive you.” she offers.

Lexa stands frozen for a second, then thanks her. Clarke gets into the truck and Lexa imitates her.

Clarke starts the engine.

“I should probably warn you. I'm a terrible driver. I've already bumped into cars or trees on several occasions.” she says.

“Oh. Okay.” Lexa suddenly looks uncomfortable.

“If that bothers you, I can call Raven. She's amazing.”

“That won't be necessary.” assures Lexa at once. “I prefer taking risks. Besides, it's not Raven I came here to talk to.”

“Right.”

Clarke is driving a little in the middle of the street, but Lexa doesn't make any comments.

“So ? What did you want to tell me?”

“Oh, uh.”

Lexa looks uncomfortable. She's far from being the cold and perfectly diplomatic girl Clarke caught a glimpse of back in the restaurant.

“About Anya.” she finally says as Clarke tightens her grip onto the steering wheel. “I apologize on her behalf, she's not the most amiable person in the world. But I guess it's just like for your friends, she's great when you get to know her.”

“Okay.” replies Clarke curtly between gritted teeth.

“She's the best friend I ever had.” adds Lexa. “And I don't know if she seemed possessive to you or something, but she didn't do it on purpose. And I am sorry that I didn't react. I really do enjoy your company, Clarke.”

The best friend. Not possessive. Lexa likes hanging out with her. Clarke suddenly feels a lot lighter.

“That... clears up some stuff indeed.” she says.

“I just thought I should tell you... in case you got the wrong idea. Or whatever. Not that I'm assuming you got any idea. I mean, I am not saying that you weren't thinking at all, just that perhaps, you know, you thought that um...”

Clarke parks in front of the restaurant and squeezes Lexa's hand. That shuts her up. Clarke smiles slightly. Lexa is adorably nervous, and as gorgeous as ever. Clarke's eyes linger a bit more than necessary over her lips.

“Thanks for the ride.” Lexa's voice is lower, and her tongue darts out to wet her lips.

“Anytime.” answers Clarke in a breath. The air in this car is suddenly thick and hot, so, so hot.

She's fascinated by Lexa, there's no point in denying it anymore. Her whole personality is an intricate puzzle she's dying to solve, and on top of that, she's painfully attractive.

Enchanted, she stands there while Lexa imperceptibly leans towards her, turning her head slightly to reach a comfortable angle. A comfortable angle to kiss her.

Clarke is about to lean in as well. She's going to kiss Lexa back and show her what she's able to do in those ten minutes before the girl has to get to work. Ten minutes is a long time, and she feels an irrepressible hunger for Lexa's skin, her mouth, her tongue, her toned body. Clarke slightly parts her own lips, ready to show Lexa the extent of her skills.

Suddenly the spell is broken, and in the blink of an eye, Lexa is out of the car, jumping away from Clarke faster than lightning, as if she had just been burned.

“See you later!” Lexa waves at her and almost runs into the restaurant.

Clarke blinks, dumbstruck. What the fuck just happened? She has no freaking idea. But she's more focused on what _almost_ just happened. Damn.

Has she just dreamed the intensity of the moment? Was the electric atmosphere just the product of her wild hormone-driven imagination? She doesn't think so. But then, why did Lexa storm out of the car with such haste?

Clarke Griffin has been rejected before, but never so fast and so hard. Her heart is still beating fast and her mouth is dry as hell, and she's admittedly turned on. She swallows. Maybe Lexa just isn't into girls.

 

\---

 

Safe into the restaurant's locker room, Lexa allows herself to breathe. She sighs in relief, trying to ignore the heat below her abdomen and the pounding in her chest.

She was so damn close to fucking up this friendship royally.

Her apologies had been accepted smoothly and _fuck,_ she almost kissed Clarke in return. Lexa shakes her head. She needs to get back some self-control, for heaven's sake. She's not a sex-crazed animal. Hell, she's not Anya.

Yet there is something about Clarke, and the moment was so quiet and intense, that she just allowed herself to be a little weak.

Lexa has to pour some water over her face. She needs to think straight. No pun intended.

Clarke is nice and beautiful and Lexa's just content to get a chance to know her better. There is something truly fascinating about her.

The kitchen manager yells something and Lexa is pulled out of her reverie.

Right. Get back to work. Get back to reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for taking your time to read this story and leave comments or kudos, it cheers me up so much ! Hope you liked that one, let me know what you think !


	3. Caught in this cat and mouse game

Her usual running path takes her to Clarke's house. As every morning, she slows down here to calm her breathing, and, perhaps, linger a bit more than necessary to try and spot the blonde girl.

“Hello!” she hears a familiar voice calling after her.

Lexa turns towards the girl and her eyes widen for a split second.

“Clarke.” she says slowly. “May I ask what is it that you are doing?”

Clarke is sitting down on the sidewalk in sports shorts and a tank top, doing some stretching exercises in a rather clumsy fashion.

“You said you were coming every morning.” answers Clarke, grinning at her. “I decided that I would run with you today.”

Lexa blinks.

“I live on the very opposite of this town. I was heading back. You will be on your own when I get home.”

“I think I can handle coming back here alone.” shrugs Clarke.

Lexa raises an eyebrow as Clarke is trying to flex her ankles in weird angles.

“No offense, Clarke, but I don't think you have enough practice to keep up with me.”

Clarke quits her stretching and jumps on her feet, giving Lexa a full view of her body. Of course, Lexa does her best to stay focused on Clarke's face.

“Looks like you're just looking for an excuse not to run with me.” remarks Clarke with a hint of disappointment.

“Of course not”, replies Lexa, and she means it. “If that is what you wish to do, I am more than happy to spend time with you.”

The smile than lightens up Clarke's face is genuine and Lexa wants to be a thousand times again the reason to this smile.

The two girls start running, slowly at first. Lexa is focused on her partner, attentive to her breathing and the swinging of her legs. For sports purpose, needless to precise. She's merely studying Clarke's course.

It turns out that the blonde girl has some stamina. Lexa speeds up their pace, trying to test Clarke's limits. And really, she's impressed. It's apparent that Clarke isn't running regularly, but she is persistent and brave, and she doesn't make a single complaint when her body is obviously crying out for a break.

The only indication of her exhaustion is the color on her face and her breathing rhythm. Lexa admires Clarke's toughness.

Lexa slows down when they reach the other end of the town, where Anya's house is. When she finally stops, stretching her legs, Clarke almost collapses and lays down on the concrete.

“You're a warrior.” states Lexa appreciatively.

“Has anyone ever told you... you're a ruthless running partner?” Clarke pants, drained of all energy.

There is something so endearing about Clarke just laying there breathless that Lexa doesn't think twice about offering.

“Come inside.” she says with a voice that's made to be obeyed. “Let's get you a drink, something sugary. I would blame myself very much if you passed out in a street on your way back home.”

“How considerate of you.” replies Clarke with a smirk.

She eyes Anya's house with unconcealed curiosity.

“You two live in there?”

“Yes.” nods Lexa, gesturing for Clarke to follow her inside.

Lexa would offer her guest a complete tour of the property, but Anya's still asleep, so she just introduces Clarke to the kitchen.

She tries to hide her nervousness as she leans back on the kitchen counter, drumming her fingers on the surface.

“You can sit down if you want.”

Clarke remains standing, moving closer to the counter.

“I'm good, thanks.”

Lexa takes a step away from the girl and opens up the fridge, pretending to be absorbed by the sight of its contents.

“What are you drinking?” she asks. “We've got a wide variety of juices.”

“An orange juice would be perfect.” answers Clarke politely.

Lexa grabs two glasses and pours orange juice in them. She hands one over to Clarke, who is slowly regaining a steady breathing and a more relaxed attitude. Their fingers brush, sending a jolt of electricity through Lexa's body.

“Thank you, Lexa.” whispers Clarke in her low, husky voice.

Lexa presses her lips together and nods wordlessly, before taking a large gulp of her drink. She's seriously thinking about asking Clarke to never call her by her name again, because it does some things to her that she's willing to avoid in order to maintain a healthy friendship.

Looking around, Clarke spots the piano through the half-open doorway of the music room. She whistles appreciatively, gesturing at it.

“That's a beautiful instrument.”

Lexa signifies to Clarke to follow her and they enter the music room. Lexa quietly closes the door behind them. She doesn't want to wake up Anya.

“It has always been here.” explains Lexa. “The house belongs to Anya's parents, we spend our summers in there, and we get to enjoy their furniture. They have a boat too, at the harbour in the next village. It's really ideal.”

Clarke is running her hand on the wooden instrument, stroking it like a sensitive animal. Lexa wishes she was under that hand right now.

“Do you play?” asks Clarke absentmindedly.

“Yes.”

Clarke's hand stills and she turns to Lexa with excitement.

“Would you mind playing something for me? Please ?”

Lexa's not a fan of audiences, except for Anya, of course, but she just can't seem to resist Clarke. Which, she reflects, is becoming more and more of a problem. A tricky one.

She sits down and starts running her fingers over the keys with expert delicacy. She pretends not to see Clarke staring alternatively at her hands and her face with an amazed expression. She ignores the blush creeping up her neck. She doesn't even flinch when Clarke steps impossibly closer behind her, their bodies almost flushed.

“That's amazing.” says Clarke over Lexa's shoulder. Her breath is tickling Lexa's ear. “What is it?”

“It's called Primavera. It was written by a pianist named Einaudi.” answers Lexa mechanically, eyes riveted on Clarke's reflection on the polished piano. Clarke's running clothes are covering very little skin and it's distracting.

“You're truly gifted.” adds Clarke once Lexa finishes to play her song.

She's still very, very close to Lexa. Lexa kinda wants to grab her and kiss her senseless right there, running her hands on Clarke's body until Clarke is as breathless as she was fifteen minutes earlier.

“I guess I'm just very good with my fingers.” she murmurs, turning her head to stare into Clarke's deep blue eyes.

They're only inches apart so Lexa has no trouble spotting the slight widening of the girl's eyes. She realizes just then what she has just said. _Fuck. I sound like her friend Raven._

“For music purposes.” she adds hurriedly. Are Clarke's irises a bit blown or is it just her imagination? It's probably the physical effort, she decides.

The door swings open at this very moment and Clarke jumps away from Lexa. Or maybe it's Lexa who jumps away from Clarke. Lexa's not sure.

“Good morning, Anya.” greets Lexa, noticing Clarke stiffening.

“Hey, Lexa.” answers Anya, looking still half-asleep and wearing nothing but black lacy underwear. “Clarke.” she adds, raising her eyebrows as she spots the blonde girl.

“Hello.” says Clarke, looking at the young woman with a defiant expression on her features.

Anya flashes Lexa an imperceptible smirk and disappears into the kitchen.

“Thank you for the orange juice.” says Clarke. “And for the music.”

Irrational disappointment settles in Lexa's chest when she understands Clarke's preparing to leave.

“You're very welcome.” answers Lexa under her breath. “Are you sure you're going to be okay going back on your own? I could accompany you.”

Clarke lets out a small chuckle.

“But then you would have to go back alone. It's a never-ending circle, Lexa. And I will be perfectly fine, I can take care of myself.”

“Okay.” Lexa wets her lips. “I'll see you around, then.”

“You definitely will.”

Clarke moves closer and before Lexa can register what is happening, Clarke presses a kiss to her cheek, dangerously close to the corner of Lexa's mouth.

“Though I don't think I'll ever run with you again.” adds Clarke like nothing just happened, oblivious to the pounding of Lexa's heart – so loud the entire town is hearing it, she's sure. “You're too intense for an amateur like me.”

Lexa rolls her eyes with false exasperation, and it makes Clarke smile of that bright beautiful smile.

“Too bad for you, Clarke. You're missing out.”

Lexa accompanies Clarke outside. When she comes back in, she carefully avoids the kitchen and quietly heads towards her room, where she can hide from Anya's questions.

 

\---

 

Octavia is sitting cross-legged like a businesswoman, staring at Clarke with her most intimidating look. Raven, behind her, seems to be enjoying herself as much as a five-year-old at Christmas. Maya had lured Clarke into the room, pretending to want to show Clarke a book, and Clarke fell miserably into the trap she had been trying to avoid all day.

The traditional Girls Only War Counsel, installed by Octavia back in freshman year. Clarke usually enjoys these sessions a lot, but right now the topic of the day is Lexa, so yeah, not so much.

“Spill it out.” says Octavia seriously.

“You're gonna need to be more specific.” mumbles Clarke, trying to find a way out of this deadly conversation.

“Do I owe Raven five bucks or not?” sighs Octavia with pleading eyes. “You've been glued to your phone all day long, and yesterday as well, with a dumb smile on your face every time Lexa sends you a text.”

“No.” she blurts out. “We're friends. Just friends.”

“How can you be so sure she's not into you?” asked Maya kindly.

Clarke lets out a little joyless laugh.

“She's not. Trust me.”

“Looks like there's a story behind that.” notices Raven, raising an eyebrow. “Wait, did you try something?”

“I... No, not exactly.”

Octavia's eyes are summoning an explanation and there's clearly no way out of this so Clarke sighs, giving up.

“Remember two days ago, when I drove her to the restaurant?”

“When you stole my truck without asking for my permission?” frowns Raven. “No, no memory of that.”

“We had a moment.” Clarke ignored Raven. “But she kinda freaked out and she ran away before I could even react.”

Maya smiles reassuringly.

“Perhaps the timing wasn't right. Perhaps she'll be ready at some point down the road.”

“Or maybe Clarke's just out of practice”, smirks Raven. “Your flirting technique must be rather rusty, Griffin.”

“Shut up and focus on your own technique, would you?” snaps Octavia. “It's been like four days and I don't see you make any progress with the barmaid. I need to win this bet, Reyes, so you better step up your game.”

Raven rolls her eyes and then jumps on her feet, as if she has just been struck by lightning.

“I just had the most brilliant idea.” she announces, thrilled.

“Oh, dear.” sighs Clarke at the same time that Octavia grins and urges her to expose said idea.

“Today's Saturday.”

“Well done, Sherlock.”

Octavia shushes Clarke.

“So tomorrow”, continues Raven, “is Sunday. Conveniently, neither Lexa or Anya are working on Sunday nights. We are going to have a party here, and our beloved Clarke will invite Lexa over, and urge her to bring her sexy friend along.”

“A party sounds good.” nods Maya. “It will allow you guys to bond over something else than a phone conversation or quick verbal exchanges at the restaurant.”

Clarke presses her lips together hesitantly and scratches the back of her neck.

“I don't know. I'm not sure they would be up for it.”

“You'll never know if you don't try.” decides Octavia, and Clarke knows that there is no way she's bailing out of this.

 

\---

 

Lexa is working for her last evening of the week. Saturdays always have that eerie vibe about them, she's found, because people usually behave differently on weekends. On Saturdays, the customers are generally more enthusiastic and relaxed, and that makes her shift a lot easier when she doesn't have to deal with angry or stressed out clients.

When she sees Clarke and Raven at a small table by the bar, her heart does that weird thing just like it does in roller coasters.

“Good evening to you”, she smiles, approaching them. “Is there anything you would like to eat or drink?”

“I'd like a tequila sunrise, and Clarke,” begins Raven with her ominous smirk, “is going to have sex on the beach.”

Lexa blinks.

“Excuse me?”

“It's a cocktail, Lexa.” whispers Raven with a knowing wink.

“Right.” Lexa adds hurriedly.

She glares at Raven. If the grin lighting her face is any indication, she forgot to pronounce the “a” before the cocktail on purpose. It seems like embarrassing Lexa might just be her favorite hobby. Clarke is pointedly looking at her hands, folded in her lap.

Lexa presses her lips together and stands there awkwardly for a second, before rushing to Anya at the bar.

“Tequila sunrise. And sex on the beach”, she mumbles, distracted.

Anya snaps her fingers in front of Lexa's face, pulling her out of her haze.

“For fuck's sake, stop staring at her. Is that what you're wishing for or is it a customer's order?”

Lexa blushes and uses Raven's words.

“It's a cocktail, Anya.”

“Sure.” articulates Anya as if she was talking to a particularly dumb toddler, raising a skeptical eyebrow. “You usually pronounce a “a” before the name of the cocktail, Lex.”

“I know.” snaps Lexa impatiently.

She angrily grabs the drinks and almost slams them on Clarke and Raven's table, regretting her abruptness at once.

“Everything okay, Lexa?” worries Clarke with her deep blue eyes.

_It would be okay if you saying my name didn't make me want to do crazy things._

“Yes.” she deflects, ignoring the dryness of her mouth.

She notices Raven elbowing Clarke and, waitress or not, Lexa swears she'll murder the girl if she says anything mortifying again. Fortunately, it looks like she's just pushing Clarke to say something.

“I was wondering”, says Clarke hesitantly, “if you have any plans for tomorrow night?”

Lexa furrows her brow. She doesn't really understand why Clarke is asking her this.

“No, I don't think so. Why?”

“Great ! Now you do.” interrupts Raven. “We're having a party at our house. Feel free to invite your hot barmaid friend.”

Lexa stiffens imperceptibly. She doesn't know what to say. She enjoys Clarke's company, that's undeniable, but she's also utterly uncomfortable with parties.

“I'll think about it. Thank you.” she answers politely before leaving them again.

A few minutes later, when she has to go back to the bar, she casually transmits the invitation to Anya.

“Clarke and her friends are having a party tomorrow.”

“And?” asks Anya dryly.

“They'd like us to come.”

Lexa swallows and waits for her friend's answer. She relies on Anya's opinion on most occasions. Anya smirks wickedly.

“You need to go.” she says.

“What about you?”

Anya pours vodka in a drink and stares over at Raven.

“If someone wants me to come, they will have to ask me in person.”

Lexa nods. She noticed Raven's heavily flirting with Anya, and the other guy is as well, the older one. She's puzzled by the fact that two friends are hitting on the same woman, but she doubts there's anything logical about Raven's whole personality anyway.

About half an hour later, she comes back to the two girls' table with the bill. As they pay, she clears her throat hesitantly.

“Thank you. I think I'll drop by.”

“Awesome.” replies Clarke with a genuine smile.

“What about your friend?” casually inquires Raven.

“Ask her yourself.”

Raven immediately gets up and walks over to the bar to speak to Anya.

Lexa is left alone with Clarke, feeling extremely self-conscious. Although the hem of her skirt is covering the top of her knees, she feels naked under the blonde girl's stare. Once again, the temperature seems to have risen up. Dammit. Lexa really needs her hormones to shut the hell up about this one.

“I'm glad you're coming.” says Clarke.

“I guess this can be... fun.” mutters Lexa. “I should probably tell you, though. I'm not much of a party girl. It's not really something I'm good at.”

She swallows nervously and curses herself in the process. When did she turn into this silly feverish teenager ? She's Lexa, for Christ's sake, she can play Mozart and Schumann with her eyes closed and run a semi-marathon in less than two hours, she's got killer grades and the whole school feared her, she should not be damn scared of a harmless pretty girl.

“It doesn't matter.” smiles Clarke. “Just be yourself, it will be fine. I like you that way.”

And there it was. Lexa can feel her heart melt and the muscles in her legs turn to jelly under Clarke's eyes, and – (dammit, Lexa, keep it together) – heat claiming her body irresistibly.

(don't start imagining things, Lexa, she's just saying this in a purely friendly way)

“Okay, see you tomorrow then.” Her voice is strangled, it's so pathetic, really, but Clarke doesn't seem to notice, because she keeps smiling regardless, in her honest and disarming way.

 

\---

 

Lexa pretends not to see Anya lurking outside of her bedroom, but she fails spectacularly.

“May I ask what is it that you are doing?” she blurts out.

This is getting on her nerves. And it really shouldn't, it's only a stupid party with a bunch of chatty teenagers. She just can't seem to find the right outfit. That's obviously the downside of being a solitary girl : Lexa has no idea if she should dress rather formal or casual. However, the perks of being a lone wolf are worth it, thank you very much. She doesn't have to deal with dumb immature people. Lexa is always better off on her own.

“You know, you could walk in there naked if you can't decide. I'm sure Clarke would appreciate.” Anya slides into her room, surrounded by her suffocating aura of sarcasm.

“Don't be silly.” Lexa fumbles through her closet aimlessly, fingers restless.

Anya's eyes are burning a hole into her skull. The weight of her silent mockery is crushing, and Lexa is already too fed up to deal with it.

“You're gonna help me or what?” she sighs finally, giving up her unproductive search.

“I thought you'd never ask.”

Anya firmly pushes her out of the way and begins looking through Lexa's clothes, humming lightly.

“You're coming, right?” Lexa presses her lips together. She hates the hint of despair that her voice betrays. But she's not sure she will be able to go on her own. She will not fit among Clarke's friends, she already knows it.

“Are you kidding? I would never miss the opportunity to watch your awkward flirting behavior.”

Lexa exhales, relieved.

“You know, I am going to have fun watching you too. I don't know if you have noticed, but two of Clarke's friends are hitting on you. It's pretty comical.”

Anya scoffs and shots her an odd look.

“Oh, believe me, Lexa, I'm aware. I'm not as blind as you.”

Lexa frowns. She doesn't get it.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Anya rolls her eyes and hands her a simple green dress.

“Wear that.”

“It's a bit light, I think. What do you mean I am blind?”

“Just trust me, Lexa. It's showing the right amount of skin.”

Fiddling with the fabric of the dress, Lexa raises an eyebrow. She's pretty sure this is slightly indecent for a party – it's something she wears to go to the beach, usually – but she decides to follow Anya's advice.

“Okay.”

“Good. I'm ready to go whenever you are.”

 

\---

 

The music is loud, blasting through the house and the open windows. It's almost nine o'clock but the air is still hot and heavy. It has been a particularly sunny day, and Clarke was grateful for the light breeze that the night would soon be bringing.

Octavia is already dancing on the table like a crazy person, Raven downing her vodka like it's just water. Jasper is laughing about something with Maya and Monty. Clarke smiles, she's glad to see the shy girl fitting in. She's opening up to them day after day, and it's very nice to have her around, in all her kindness and wise opinions.

Clarke is only half focused on the discussion she's having with Murphy and Bellamy about whether or not Inglourious Basterds is the best Tarantino – she still thinks it's Kill Bill, obviously, or Pulp Fiction perhaps – because her senses are alert. Her ears are attentive to anyone knocking at the door.

And by that, of course, she means Lexa. (Yeah, yeah, Anya's coming along too, but she doesn't seem to like Clarke very much, and Clarke doesn't care about her anyway. That's more of Bellamy and Raven's business.) Lexa, who is still, at this date, the biggest challenge Clarke was ever faced with.

Never, it seems, was there a girl so elusive. And as any artist, Clarke wants more than anything to figure out what really is the essence of her enigmatic character. (“as any artist” - who is she fooling, that's a lie, there's nothing remotely artistic in her interest for Lexa, except maybe for the fact that she's kinda obsessed with drawing her.)

She scrolls through her phone thoughtfully. Their text messages are polite, formal. She wonders if Lexa is always this distant. It makes Clarke want to break the ice and take a peek through the layers of reticence that wrap the girl like a second skin.

“Hey, princess, I'm talking to you. Django or Reservoir Dogs?” repeats Bellamy impatiently.

“Give her a break, she's chatting with her girlfriend.” snorts Murphy, earning a glare from her.

“Reservoir Dogs. And don't you dare speaking of her this way when she's here. I don't want her to be uncomfortable.”

Murphy starts to protest but Clarke offers him one of her most dreadful looks. She's serious. Lexa's already stiff enough, she doesn't want to scare her away.

When she hears people knocking, she does her best not to rush towards the door. (Not succeeding very well, judging by Raven's insistent smirk.)

“Hey, welcome!” she greets her guests merrily.

Her brain freezes for a second when she actually sees Lexa. She's wearing a green dress that enhances her beautiful eyes, her hair is falling on her shoulder in a perfect and intricate braid, and the dress itself is, to say the least flattering. It leaves her arms exposed, all tanned and toned and tattooed, and it only covers the upper half of Lexa's thighs. Clarke forbids her eyes to trail down Lexa's legs, because she knows that would be the very opposite of subtlety.

Anya is behind her, hands tucked into the back pockets of her denim shorts, hair wild, heavy eyeliner adding even more hostility to her usual attitude. She looks really sexy and scary at once. Clarke fights back the urge to roll her eyes – she knows the boys (minus Monty and plus Raven) will be drooling all night long.

“Good evening, Clarke.” says Lexa on her usual formal tone.

Clarke decides she needs to loosen up a bit. She wonders what it's going to take for Lexa to chill out, smile, laugh and dance. She steps aside to let the pair in.

They form a strange duo. Both girls are taciturn and lonely, but Lexa is as polite as Anya is rude, nothing ever falls out of line whereas Anya looks like a walking storm.

“Nice place.” comments Anya, taking in her surroundings.

“Hi there!” calls Bellamy, walking up to her with his most attractive smile. “You want a beer?”

Anya eyes him up and down.

“I hate beer.” she simply answers.

At this moment, Raven approaches and hands Anya a cup full of something golden.

“Scotch. Straight.”

Anya tilts her head appreciatively and takes the drink.

Amused, Clarke watches Octavia giving Murphy a high-five, while Monty sadly shakes his head.

She detaches her eyes from the scene to focus on Lexa, who was staying back, looking as comfortable as a fish in a forest.

“I'm glad you're there.”

“I'm glad to see you too, Clarke.”

Clarke likes the way her name sounds in the mouth of the girl. She wonders what it would sound like in a lower voice, a much breathier one. She blinks, feeling guilty to even think of that.

“What do you want to drink?” she offers, clearing her throat.

“I don't know.” Lexa suddenly smiles a bit. “Tell you what, it's your turn tonight. Why don't you choose for me?”

Clarke's face lights up. She walks up to the counter kitchen, where all the bottles are, and starts thinking, biting her lip.

“So, we don't have fancy cocktail ingredients here, sorry. It's gonna be quite simple.”

She settles for vodka with blueberry syrup and lemonade, and pours one for herself too.

“To a good night.” says Lexa, raising her drink.

“And to many more good nights to come.” adds Clarke, staring at the girl.

When she drinks up the contents of her glass, Clarke sees the little smile on Lexa's face and it warms her heart.

 

\---

 

Lexa excuses herself in the middle of some cards game and locks herself into the bathroom, sinking to the floor.

It's almost midnight. Or is it past midnight already? She lost her phone at some point into the kitchen, around her fourth glass of vodka.

At first, Lexa felt really out of place, and if not for Clarke and her exquisite kindness, she would have left a long time ago. At her third drink, she actually began to enjoy the constant ramble of Clarke's friends.

At the fifth, it didn't make much sense anymore. Everything is spinning a bit and the music isn't helping. Lexa knows she's drunk right now, but not even the alcohol is as intoxicating as Clarke.

“Are you alright, Lexa?”

It's her, she's talking through the door with her sweet, sweet voice. It sends a shiver down her spine and Lexa strokes the wooden pannel, picturing the girl behind it. She unlocks the door and Clarke gets in, closing it behind her.

“No.” she says, staring at Clarke.

Clarke kneels besides her and puts a hand on her shoulders.

“And why is that?”

“You call me by my name.”

Clarke takes off her hand, looking a bit hurt.

“And that bothers you. I'm sorry, I didn't know you didn't like it.”

“Oh, no, I do”, giggles Lexa. “That's precisely why.”

“You're not making any sense.” frowns Clarke. “You really can't hold your liquor.”

That's not true. Lexa is really good at drinking, she's Anya's friend, duh. Lexa is feeling absolutely conscious and lucid, she does. But her tongue is not under her control anymore, and that's a problem, just maybe, because if this goes on Clarke will understand that Lexa likes her. Like, likes her likes her. And Lexa doesn't want that.

“I really don't want that.” she says out loud to echo her thoughts.

“What is it that you don't want?” smiles Clarke, fiddling with Lexa's hair. It feels nice. Like, really nice, but also dangerous, because Lexa might kiss her any second now if she keeps on doing that.

But Lexa _really_ doesn't want Clarke to understand – she feels good around her and it's a friendship she would like not to ruin, thank you very much.

“I don't want”, starts Lexa, “for you to...”

She doesn't know how to finish that sentence.

( _understand that I have a crush on you?_ Hell no, that's exactly her point)

Lexa shuts her mouth before she says something stupid. Instead, she gestures at Clarke and then at herself. (She doubts this is any more subtle, but hopefully Clarke won't remember any of that in the morning, she's pretty drunk too)

“Oh.” says Clarke, standing up and taking a step back.

Lexa pouts. She preferred it very much when Clarke was touching her.

“I'm sorry.” Clarke shakes her head. “I get it. You don't want me to... nevermind, just forget it. I'm sorry.”

She bites her lip and she looks sad and that makes Lexa sad too.

“Don't look sad.” she mumbles. “It makes me want to. To.”

( _to hug you and kiss you to make you feel better_ )

Lexa shuts her mouth before she says something stupid. Instead she throws her head back and closes her eyes like she was sleeping. Maybe if Clarke believes she's asleep she will get out of the bathroom before Lexa does real damage to their friendship.

“I see.” she hears Clarke whispering.

Clarke gets out.

 

\---

 

Clarke grunts as she throws herself on the couch between Octavia and Raven.

“Is she okay?” asks Anya, currently kicking Bellamy's ass at a complex cards drinking game.

Clarke shrugs.

“She's going to be fine. Just let her some time to recover a bit.”

What she doesn't tell is how Lexa's words burned her. First, she said that it bothers her that Clarke calls her by her name. Then – and that's by far the worst – she induced that she doesn't want Clarke to flirt with her anymore. Ouch.

Clarke didn't even flinch when Lexa pretended to sleep to avoid facing her sadness. It was just another hard blow.

“What happened?” whispers Octavia.

“Nothing.” snaps Clarke.

She grabs a bottle – tequila, she thinks – and drinks straight from it. It burns. Clarke doesn't care. It doesn't burn half as much as Lexa's attitude.

“Easy on that, Griffin.” intervenes Raven. “I don't want you to throw up all over our bedroom.”

Clarke slams the bottle on the table.

“I wanna dance.” she decides.

She gets up and joins Jasper and Monty in the middle of the dark living room. Monty brought special lights that flash different colors, blue, green and red, and sometimes with a stroboscope effect. With that and the alcohol, Clarke feels like she's floating in a surreal haze.

She feels sexy too and if Lexa is not into her, then nevermind, she doesn't need her anyway. It's just a stupid summer crush.

Clarke decides her jeans are too hot – why did she even put them on in the first place ? Cold summer nights are a myth, really – and stops dancing to get changed.

She comes back a couple of minutes later wearing shorts – the shortest shorts ever, because it's really hot in there – and a sleeveless buttoned shirt. (She struggled a bit with the buttons, her fingers are clumsy. She blames it on all that vodka)

Clarke notices three things. First, Octavia, Maya and Raven are now dancing too. Second, Murphy is laughing his ass off while Bellamy is being destroyed by Anya (who is even that woman, seriously, she wins every game and doesn't ever get drunk in spite of all the glasses she downs). And, last but not least, Lexa is finally out of the bathroom, sitting casually on the couch, and she's staring at her.

Clarke stares at her back, but Lexa doesn't take her eyes away. Her eyes are beautiful and attractive and her pupils are blown despite the dim lighting. (Talk about mixed signals.)

Fine, then, let her stare. Clarke decided she wants to dance, so she's going to dance, and if Lexa wants to watch, Clarke will put on a show.

She dances like it's the last thing she's ever going to do, losing herself completely into the music, eyes closed and arms swirling above her head. MGMT is playing and she loves the song. It's all perfect.

“... _ooh girl, shock me like an electric eel...”_

Hips swaying, Clarke opens her eyelids and stares at Lexa with intensity. She's satisfied to see the other girl can't take her eyes off of her. Lexa's look is hot and it's making her want more than that, she wants Lexa to come closer and dance with her. Clarke shakes off the thought. Lexa's not interested, she reminds herself.

“ _..._ _baby girl, you turn me on with your electric feel...”_

As she keeps dancing, Lexa walks up to her and yells something in her ear to cover the music. Clarke does her best to ignore the effect such proximity has on her.

“Would you like to come some place quieter with me for just a minute? My head hurts and I need air or aspirin.”

Clarke thinks fast, weighing her options. She has aspirin in her bag, but she's not sure her nerves will survive being alone in her bedroom with Lexa. However, she herself could do with some fresh air. She's extremely dizzy and it's way too hot in there.

“Come outside.” she proposes, leading the way.

Lexa follows Clarke into the garden. Neither of them is walking very straight, so the refreshing and quiet atmosphere of the night feels like a blessing.

It's really dark out there, except for the flickering colored lights peering through the windows and the bright moon. The stars reflect into Lexa's big eyes and it makes Clarke want to draw the scene, to capture its aesthetical perfection.

“You were staring at me.” she says to break the silence. Lexa and her are standing somewhat awkwardly, the muffled sounds of the music seeming so, so far away.

“You looked beautiful.” answers Lexa, referring to the dance. Clarke wishes she used the present tense.

She bites her lip. She doesn't know what to do to ease the tension that is crushing her when she's around Lexa. A part of her is, in spite of Lexa's clear disinterest, still screaming that this attraction isn't one-sided. Clarke wants to act on it, she's dying to, but she just needs something, anything, a sign that...

“You always do.” adds Lexa. Clarke's heart skips a beat.

Lexa slips a hand behind Clarke's neck, stepping impossibly close, and when the blonde girl doesn't pull back, it's all the permission she needs.

(Holy shit, this is happening)

Suddenly Lexa is kissing her, slowly, her soft lips brushing against Clarke's, barely touching her. The ghost of her breath tickles Clarke's mouth, it's hot and if it smells like whiskey, Clarke doesn't care. She leans in and kisses her back, fully, her hands tangled up in Lexa's perfect hair.

A hand grabs her waist and pulls her firmly until their bodies are flushed against one another, and it's not so gentle anymore, Clarke can feel a hunger in Lexa that she craves for, a wild part of the girl that she wants to unleash. When Lexa's tongue flickers against her lips, Clarke lets her in and she loses herself into the kiss. Lexa's fingers crawl up under her shirt, sending electricity flowing through her body. She wants more, she wants Lexa's hands over her body and she wants it now.

Clarke runs a hand on Lexa's arms, lingering on her firm biceps, tracing the lines of her tattoo in the dark. Her other hand gets lower, and lower, and Clarke is about to heat things up when Lexa pulls back.

“I, um...” Lexa struggles to speak but she's breathless and for a moment Clarke doesn't even remember how to talk. She wants to take Lexa upstairs to explore their newfound closeness into the secluded space of her bedroom. Too soon, she figures, noticing the girl's sudden shyness and her flushed cheeks.

Lexa looks at her and even in the night, her pupils are blown and Clarke thinks that maybe it wouldn't take much to convince her to visit her bed.

“I should go.” Lexa whispers. Her voice is weak and unconvinced, as if there was nothing in the world she would like less to do.

But Clarke can respect that. Taking things slow is good too.

Lexa lowers her head and walks away directly into the streets, not warning Anya or anyone else that she was leaving. To Clarke, this feels a lot like running away.

Again.

It reminds her unpleasantly of the time they almost kissed and Lexa fled too. An ominous feeling invades Clarke. What if Lexa already regrets that kiss ? Maybe this was just something to blame on the alcohol, a mere pulse of sorts, a drive, a vulgar experiment.

Clarke shakes her head and gets back inside to her friends.

She'll see in the morning how Lexa behaves around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this and taking your time to leave kudos or comments, I really appreciate that ! Those two awkward idiots are so fun to write, I am enjoying myself so much and I hope you do too. Love you guys ! :)


	4. High tension

Lexa is woken up by the violent brilliance of the sunlight, flooding her bedroom abruptly as Anya opens up the window shutters.

“Get up, you drunken piece of garbage!”

The sound of Anya's voice is tearing her tympans like a ruthless drill. Lexa's out of it, completely absorbed into that post-sleeping state where she's only half awake.

“What time is it?” she mumbles into her pillow.

“It's half past noon.”

Lexa grunts, slowly being pulled out of her haze. What? Why is it so late already? Her head pounds unbearably, and her mouth is way too dry. She's hungover, she realizes.

Shifting on her bed, she notices that she didn't even get out of her dress, and she didn't pulled the sheets to cover her body. By the look of it, she just collapsed onto her bed and passed out at once. Anya is staring at her, arms crossed, undecipherable.

“Wanna tell me why you left without warning me?” she asks dryly.

“What?”

Lexa blinks, trying to gather her memories out of the blur of her mind. She recalls the party, the loud music and the countless empty glasses. She remembers the long way home, alone in the night, walking through the streets, not being able to sober up.

“You forgot your phone.”

Anya tosses the phone onto the bed. Lexa frowns. Why did she forget it? Wait, why did she leave the party on her own?

It takes her a few moments to finally understand, and the truth hits her like a train on a track.

_Oh, no._

She kissed Clarke.

Lexa sits up faster than she has ever moved, causing her head to spin. She can feel her cheeks burning.

“Oh my.” she whispers. She wants to dig a hole and hide into it until the end of times.

Anya notices her panic and sits on the bed next to her.

“Okay, spill it out. What the fuck did you do?”

Lexa stares at her blankly. She's such an idiot. Why the hell did she have to ruin everything?

“I kissed Clarke.” she confesses. The words awaken a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Anya narrows her eyes.

“Did she kiss you back?”

She tries to remember, but it's all blurry and idealized. It felt amazing, and it had taken all of her strength to stop.

“I don't know. Maybe.”

“And then you ran away.” states Anya clinically.

Lexa presses her lips together and runs a hand through her hair. Her braid is undone, she notices.

“For fuck's sake, Lex, you've got zero game.” Anya rolls her eyes. “Do you have any idea how confused that must have made her?”

“Hey, for the record, I'm confused too.” she protests, rubbing her temples. “I shouldn't have done that.”

She wants to die. She doesn't want to have to face Clarke and feel her face burning up with embarrassment. Moreover, she doubts she will ever be able to look at the blonde girl without being reminded how soft her skin was beneath her touch, and how her kiss has tasted, and how Clarke freaking sighed into her mouth.

“You know what, take a shower and an aspirin.” advices Anya. “Maybe it will help clear up your head a bit. You idiot.”

She disappears from the room, leaving behind her a very hungover and very confused Lexa.

 

\---

 

“Come on, even Jasper is already up.”

Clarke lets Raven shake her, not willing to move from her comfortable bed.

“Fuck off.” she groans. She's in a bad, _bad_ mood.

“Let it go, Raven.” says Octavia. “Clarke's a bitch when she's hungover.”

“She's a bitch when she's sexually frustrated, you mean.” adds Murphy, sneaking into the room with an irritating grin.

“What do you mean?” snaps Clarke.

“I've got eyes, you know.” he shrugs, before leaving the room again. “Lunch in ten minutes, I made lasagna.” he adds.

That manages to motivate Clarke. She sits up and checks her phone for the hundredth time this morning. Still nothing from Lexa.

“That's it, I'm going to her house right after lunch.” she decides.

“Woah, a little aggressive, don't you think?” frowns Octavia. “What the hell happened to put you in that state?”

Clarke, not bothering with an answer, jumps from her bed and starts stripping down.

“Okay, Griffin, you're hot, but we'd like you to talk to us, not get naked.” comments Raven sternly.

Wordlessly, Clarke locks herself into the bathroom.

She sighs under the welcome stream of warm water. She deftly applies soap over her body, shivering when the cold liquid enters in contact with sunburned patches of skin. Her head is already aching less as she washes her hangover away, ready to face the day and conquer what is hers by right. And what is hers is the truth. She's going to Lexa's and figure out what is it that is going on between us.

Lexa. Memories invade her thoughts as Clarke is reminded of toned arms under her hands and soft hair beneath her fingers, a mouth on hers and a tongue parting her lips. Clarke's hand hovers hesitantly between her thighs when she feels arousal building up below her stomach, but she forces herself not to give away to the temptation. Clarke is undeniably turned on by Lexa, but if she's going to do something about it, it won't be lonely in her shower. Not until Clarke talks to Lexa first, and hopefully pick up things where they left it. Maybe the next shower she'll take will even be with Lexa.

Clarke bites on her lower lip as she swallows back her frustration. It's good, she decides. She will use all this unleashed energy to achieve her goal.

Sure enough, when she's finished showering, Raven and Octavia are still waiting in her room. Her towel wrapped around her body, she fumbles through her suitcase for something to wear.

“What happened”, she began, not looking at her friends, “is that Lexa sent me the most confusing signals ever.”

She slips into black underwear and deftly puts on a bra.

“She told me not to call her by her name.” she enumerates, “She told me she didn't want me to flirt with her. She pretended to fall asleep to avoid further discussion.”

“That's harsh.” winces Raven.

Clarke throws on a white shirt and a blue skirt.

“Then she asked me to accompany her outside. And there”, she says, finally turning to her friends, “she kissed me. Not you're-my-friend-I-give-you-a-peck-on-the-cheek kissed me, but I-freaking-want-you-passionately kissed me. You know.”

She takes in Raven's wide grin and Octavia's surprised expression.

“And then she fucking ran away.” Clarke adds bitterly. “She's been MIA since then.”

Octavia hums thoughtfully, rubbing her chin like she does when she's thinking seriously about things.

“That girl has a problem.”she concludes.

“So helpful, O.” mumbles Clarke.

“My guess is that she's attracted to you, but she's too scared to act on it because she's never been attracted to girls before.”

“Classic closet case.” nods Raven. “That makes sense.”

Clarke crosses her arms.

“I don't know. I've never heard her talk about boys either. Maybe she just doesn't like me enough. Or perhaps she just had too much to drink.”

“Oh yeah, she was wasted for sure.” giggles Raven, earning a glare from Octavia. “But I'd bet five dollars that this girl is really fucking gay. Even if she doesn't know it yet.”

“I'll take that bet.” agrees Octavia defiantly.

“Do you guys seriously bet about everything? It's the third one this week.”

“Oh, Clarke, my sweet Clarke.” answers Raven dramatically. “You don't know the half of it.”

“This is just the visible part of the iceberg.” adds Octavia, just as theatrically. “There's plenty more that you wouldn't even dream of.”

Clarke rolls her eyes.

“You are _so_ both going to lose so much money over silly wagers.”

“Maybe.” shrugs Octavia.

“But it'll be worth it when it turns out I'm right.” whispers Raven with a wink.

Downstairs, Murphy yells for the third time that lunch is ready. Surprisingly, he is a great cook and he enjoys preparing meals for them.

“Either way, I'm going to find out. She's not running away from me again.” says Clarke decidedly, heading towards the kitchen with her friends.

 

\---

 

Clarke knocks at Anya's door determined about what she needs to do. When the young barmaid appears on the threshold with a cold expression on her face, Clarke forces herself not to sound too impatient.

“Hello, Anya. Is Lexa there?”

Anya eyes her up and down with obvious disdain.

“No.” she simply answers and moves to close the door on Clarke.

The blonde girl slips her foot in the doorway to block the motion.

“Wait. Where is she?”

“Can't you text her or something?” retorts Anya dryly. “I don't know. I like to give her space.”

Something about the young woman's tone makes Clarke's stomach churn just a little.

“Does this mean you think I should?”

“What?” snaps Anya. Clarke wonders if she's always that rude or if it's just with her.

“Give her some space.”

Anya sighs heavily and leans against the doorway, tapping her fingers on the wall.

“In case I haven't been clear, I don't want anything to do with this. This is between Lexa and you. So you do whatever you want.”

Her voice is harsh and contains finality. Clarke knows better than to push the discussion any further.

“Okay. I suppose it's too much to ask you to tell Lexa I'm looking for her, if you see her before I do?”

Anya just rolls her eyes and waits for Clarke to remove her foot from the doorway, staring pointedly at it. Biting back a rude comment, Clarke turns on her heels and walks away wordless. What a bitch.

“Oh, and Clarke”, Anya calls after her. “Hurt Lexa and I'll destroy you.”

Something in her tone informs Clarke that she's dead serious about this. The young girl chooses to ignore her and she heads for the beach, looking for Lexa.

Clarke wanders around aimlessly, alert, searching for the familiar lean silhouette. Her will does not once waver as she explores the town, breathing in the warm air. So far, it's a great trip and she's enjoying herself a lot, spending time with her friends and laughing about everything. Only one thing lacks to her complete well-being, occupying her mind unpleasantly, but hopefully the issue will be clarified within the hour.

She arrives on an empty part of the beach, where the sand is tainted with edgy, broken shells, making it uncomfortable for people to sit. It must have been a harbor once, because small wooden decks stand above the waves, damp with sea foam, one end solidly anchored on the shore and the other disappearing a hundred meters away into the ocean. The ghost of a smile dances on her lips as Clarke spots Lexa on one of the wooden paths, her legs dangling from the structure, feet brushing against the surface of the water. The girl looks lost into her thoughts, eyes trained on the blue infinity that stretches beyond the horizon.

Clarke studies the outline of Lexa's profile, her well-defined jawline and strikingly soft eyes, wide and green with a hint of gray. Her fingers itch her, urging her to draw the girl. Clarke sneaks up on Lexa as silently as she can, but she doesn't startle her.

“Good afternoon, Clarke.” says Lexa on a polite tone, not taking away her gaze from the sea.

“Hi.” answers Clarke, sitting down next to her.

The deck is damp and she shivers as it enters in contact with her bare thighs, her skirt not quite covering them whole.

“Are you cold?” worries Lexa, glancing furtively at her.

She looks ill-at-ease and she's fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, rolling the fabric between her fingers nervously. Clarke decides to be straight forward.

“Listen, Lexa. About last night...”

“Clarke”, cuts Lexa, finally looking at her in the eye. “We don't have to ever talk about it again.”

Clarke's jaw works back and forth for a second as she searches for an appropriate answer. She attempts to ignore the disappointment tightening her chest. She was hoping for something else, without knowing what exactly.

“Is that what you wish ?” she asks, and she hates the way her voice sounds weak and low.

“Please, Clarke.” deflects Lexa, averting her gaze. Clarke notices that the girl's face is slightly flushed with embarrassment. Her heart sinks a little further.

“What if I want to talk about it?” she says again, in a last attempt at a open-hearted conversation.

Lexa turns to her and her eyes scan Clarke's face while carefully avoiding eye contact. Clarke is reminded of the way she looked confident the night before, when her eyes were heavy with want and lust and her hands were burning Clarke's skin.

“Just know that I am sorry.” whispers Lexa, her voice catching in her throat. “I... I really appreciate you and the bond we have built seems like a steady base to a healthy friendship, one that I would enjoy to see blossom. I would be grateful if you could forget about... what I did. I wasn't thinking.”

Her words are mechanical and unconvincing, but there is a finality to her tone that stabs Clarke between the ribs. So yeah, in other words, Lexa regrets the kiss.

Clarke lowers her head and bites on her lower lip, while the uncomfortable silence thickens between the two girls.

“Okay.” she lets out in a breath.

She doesn't miss the relief emanating from Lexa, nor the girl's light sigh.

“Are we... Are we good, Clarke?”

“On one condition.” she blurts out, covering her deception with false drive. “Come back to our place tonight.”

Lexa raises an eyebrow.

“You guys sure do party a lot.”

“It's the holidays, Lexa.” Clarke sees Lexa gulp at the mention of her name, and she regrets saying it, her memory burning with last night's events. “Anyway, you'll be working the five nights following that, so you should come.”

“Don't you ever get tired?” chuckles Lexa. “My head is still aching.”

“Just don't drink that much.” smiles Clarke, standing up.

She prepares to walk away, stealing one last glance at the jaw-dropping beauty beside her. The gorgeous dark-haired girl that is out of her reach.

“And, to be clear, you are not allowed to refuse.” she adds, eliciting an amused smirk from Lexa.

As she leaves her alone, Clarke clenches her fist with frustration. This did not at all go as planned. She still doesn't have the faintest idea of what is on Lexa's mind, and she hasn't had a chance to express what was on hers.

She has lied. They were not at all planning to have another party – well, now they were. She knows this was merely a strategy to see more of Lexa, and soon, to erase the awkwardness that was heavily lingering between them. She tries to ignore that she also hopes to see more of Lexa's wild side, the one she foresaw the night before during that passionate kiss.

The biggest lie, though, was when she said she was agreeing to forget what happened. Because Clarke has absolutely no intention to do that.

 

\---

 

Lexa has spent the rest of the day quietly, reading and doing some gardening. Her conversation with Clarke left a bitter taste in her mouth, a sense of unachievement. She knows she shouldn't have rushed it so much, she should have explained herself, but when Clarke started to talk Lexa just freaked out.

Cold, calculated Lexa freaked out like a bratty teenager at the prospect of Clarke rejecting her. She just couldn't bear to hear the inevitable “listen, I'm flattered, and I really like you, just not that way” that was coming out of the blonde girl's mouth, so instead she did her best to shut her up and change the subject.

Lexa can hardly think of something she would less like to do than to go back to Clarke's house tonight. All she wants for now is silence and peace, watch a movie with Anya and play a bit on the piano before going to bed. However, she senses it is important that she goes in order for Clarke to move on from Lexa's mishap.

If Lexa does not go, Clarke will perceive it as an escape attempt, and their friendship will irremediably be compromised. So Lexa will go.

(Since when Clarke has become more important than what she wishes to do on a night off of work? Lexa promises herself that after that she's back being distant and reasonable.)

When she casually tries to talk Anya into it, she's met with a cold stare.

“What, two nights in a row? That's unlike you, Lexa.”

“Things are going to be weird with Clarke if I don't go.” she admits, avoiding her friend's judging look. God, sometimes she hates how Anya seems to look right through her, baring her soul even.

“Did you talk to her today?” asks Anya with a hint of something odd dancing in her eyes.

“I did. I told her that I was sorry and that I'd like us to move past the mistake I made. Will you come with me tonight?”

Anya rolls her eyes with a heavy sigh.

“Damn, Lexa, you're a piece of work. Why the fuck would you say that when it's obvious that... Nevermind. And no, I'm staying home, I'm done drinking with overly talkative people for this week. It's exhausting me.” she deadpans.

“I thought you were having a good time around Bellamy and Raven.” notices Lexa, puzzled. “And what's obvious?”

“Enjoy yourself tonight, Lex.” drones Anya before heading off to the living room, a bottle of red wine in her hand.

Lexa blinks. These days, sometimes she just doesn't understand what Anya is talking about. She shrugs off her perplex thoughts and prepares to leave. This time, she doesn't listen to Anya's advice and just settles for denim shorts and a black v-neck. Anyway, it's not like she's trying to impress anyone.

 

\---

 

Lexa inhales sharply before knocking at the door. It isn't long before prom queen opens it – Octavia, her name is Octavia, Lexa has to stop with the nicknames now – with a mischievous grin plastered on her face.

“So good to see you, Lexa. Come in.”

Lexa nods stiffly and enters the house. She wonders for a moment if the music is always that loud, and if the people here are always this noisy. It must be exhausting.

She frowns as she takes in the numerous bottles of alcohol splattered around the place. She promises herself to be really careful. Never again she will be drunk around Clarke, that's too dangerous.

Clarke lights up like a Christmas tree when she sees her, and almost runs towards her.

“Hey Lexa!” she grabs Lexa's hands in hers, who almost melts at the touch. “You came.”

“You said I had to.”

Lexa figures that was probably something clumsy to say, because Clarke retracts her hands. Lexa immediately misses it. _God, Lexa, get it together and stop being rude._

“I don't mean it in a bad way.” she hurriedly adds. “I like it when you're bossy.”

She said that as a joke, and she is relieved when Clarke smiles again.

_Yes, Clarke, boss me all the way up to your bedroom._

“Get your asses over here”, calls Raven from the couch, where the little group is playing what looks like a drinking game. (The kind that Lexa really wants to avoid.)

However, Lexa does not complain when Clarke takes her by the hand to lead her to the living room. They sit on the floor with the others, and Lexa politely waves her hand to them, earning a cheerful bunch of greetings.

“What's the game?” whispers Lexa at Clarke.

“Truth or dare.” answers Clarke on the same hushed tone, and Lexa shivers when her hot breath tickles her ear, carrying the intoxicating scent of Clarke's perfume. Needless to add, Lexa hates that game.

“Are you playing?” asks Murphy, pouring Lexa a drink.

“Oh, no, thanks, I'm good.” she deflects.

Clarke places the glass in Lexa's hand all the same.

“What, are you too good to play with us or are you just afraid?” snorts Raven, earning a glare from Clarke and an elbow in the ribs from Octavia.

“Okay, I am playing.” decides Lexa, feeling offended. “I am not one to back down from a challenge.”

“My kind of girl.” answers Raven, flashing her a wicked grin.

Lexa takes a sip of her drink – what the hell after all, she'll need to be at least a bit intoxicated if she's going to play that stupid game – and winces at the burning taste of the alcohol.

The first rounds aren't really eventful. Lexa learns a few things about Clarke's friends that make her smile a little. For example, Jasper is able to stand still, upside down on his hands, for thirty seconds, Monty already spent about forty hours on his computer without stopping to sleep, and Octavia once had a crush on her math teacher.

When it's Lexa's time to ask a question, she picks Raven.

“Truth.” chooses the girl with her usual smirk.

“What are your intentions with Anya?”

Raven chuckles and nudges Bellamy in the shoulder.

“I intend to show that one that I've more game than him. And I want to spend the summer having sex with your very hot friend.”

Lexa gapes at that. Well, Raven in quite straight-forward.

“My turn.” adds Raven. “Lexa, truth or dare?”

“Dare.” Lexa doesn't hesitate. She'll avoid embarrassing questions for as long as she can. Although, Raven seems keen to embarrass her anyway.

“Take off your shirt for the next ten minutes.”

Lexa blinks, then obliges, flustered. She doesn't miss the way Clarke's eyes slide over her torso, lingering slightly longer than necessary on strategic places. Lexa congratulates herself for wearing nice underwear. Clarke clears her throat and keep her eyes trained on the floor.

Lexa is grateful when it's time for her to put her shirt back on.

Her breath catches in her throat when it's Clarke's turn to play. When the blonde girl chooses dare and when Octavia's eyes scrutinize Lexa, she already knows what's coming next.

_Oh, please, no._

“I dare you to kiss Lexa.”

Lexa doesn't hear the rest, her heart pounding so loud that it feels her head is about to explode.

“Hey, is that okay?” whispers Clarke under her breath.

Lexa gulps and nods, focused on Clarke's face, oh so close, and how her body turned to face her own, and she craves for more. _I'm so royally screwed._

Clarke cups her face and leans forward, and as soon as their lips touch, Lexa remembers last night's heat, the feeling taking over her again. She brings her hand up to Clarke's neck, pulling her to deepen the kiss. Clarke eagerly responds and parts her lips, her tongue asking for a permission that Lexa is more than happy to give. (Is that part of the dare? Lines between game and reality are blurring and Lexa doesn't know what to think anymore.)

Clarke's lips are soft and her tongue is hot against hers, and it feels so damn good that she never wants it to stop. She wants to take things the next level, actually, and her hand tangles in Clarke's hair while she wraps her other arm around the girl's waist, pulling their bodies flushed together. Her nails are grazing at Clarke's back, causing the girl to moan into her mouth, and Lexa is suddenly very turned on.

“Wow, get a room!” interrupts Raven, snapping her fingers near Lexa's ear.

Lexa pulls back immediately, cheeks burning, acutely aware of the seven people staring at them.

“I need to go to the bathroom.” she mumbles, jumping to her feet.

Once she's safely locked away, she allows herself to breathe and think.

First thing first : this time she wasn't drunk at all. And kissing Clarke was amazing all the same.

Secondly : Clarke liked it. That was unmistakable. Lexa wonders what that means. Maybe there's hope.

Lexa gets back to the living room and sits on the floor next to Clarke, downing the rest of her drink in long gulps.

“Are you okay?” asks Clarke, low enough so that only Lexa can hear.

“Yes.” she nods. “Are you?”

Clarke nods as well, her eyes scanning Lexa's face. Warmth is threatening to take over Lexa again, so she tears her gaze off of the blonde girl to focus on the game.

(Note : never pick dare again.)

When it's Lexa's turn, she's faced with a ravaging question from Murphy.

“Did you enjoy kissing Clarke?”

Mortified, Lexa bravely holds his stare. “Yes.”

Clarke playfully nudges her.

“Is that so, uh?”

“You're a good kisser, Clarke. I would be lying if I said otherwise.” answers Lexa, avoiding direct eye contact. She pours herself another drink and bring the glass to her lips, eager to swallow its contents.

“You're not so bad yourself. I really liked it too.”

Lexa almost chokes on her drink. It's a wonder she manages to keep a straight face.

“Clarke, you turn.” asks Jasper.

“Truth.” Lexa wonders if Clarke also decided it was best not to pick dare ever again.

“Who was the last person you had sex with?”

Octavia rolls her eyes and her and Raven start tickling Jasper, scolding him for being such a pervert.

“Sorry to disappoint you and your embarrassing curiosity, Jasper”, smiles Clarke calmly, “but you don't know her.”

Oh, god. There is was, a thundering truth exploding right above Lexa's head. _That_ was a game-changer. Clarke Griffin likes girls. Lexa likes Clarke. Lexa is a girl. Okay.

Lexa blinks and tries to tame the screaming inside of her. (It doesn't mean anything, okay, be cool)

Except that it means everything. It means that Lexa's chances at seducing Clarke have considerably increased. It went from “impossible” to “perhaps”.

Fortunately, Clarke's friends decide to stop the game and start dancing instead.

Lexa can't help but stare as Clarke dances and laughs and simply is stunningly beautiful, and that's the moment she decides that yes, she is going to try something.

 

\---

 

Clarke could not be clearer. She might as well brandish a big sign above her head reading “I LIKE YOU”.

It makes her want to roll her eyes when Lexa misses a hint – which is very often – but the idea seems to slowly make its way into Lexa's head.

Yeah. They're definitely getting somewhere.

However, Clarke is a girl of moral principles, thank you very much. If Lexa is interested in her, Clarke will wait for her to make a move. She's not going to shove her out of the closet if Lexa doesn't really want that.

(At this point she's just assuming the whole closet thing. How else can she explain the paradox of burning glances and cold sentences meshed together?)

Clarke's last doubts about whether Lexa liked her or not went up in smoke during the kiss at the game. Yup. That was hot, plain and simple. And maybe Lexa's an overachiever, but she didn't have to respond with such eagerness, nor did she have to run her fingers on Clarke's skin as if she wanted to set her on fire.

Clarke takes a long sip from her bottle as she walks towards the beach. Jasper and Maya are a few meters ahead, talking with Lexa (well, _to_ Lexa, more likely, because the girl seriously has issues with acting friendly). She lingers behind with Raven, while all the others decided to stay home and finish the party inside.

The five of them decided they would take a walk and maybe take a plunge into the water. It's nice and calm, and the night is somewhat fresh. Clarke is just content to be with her friends, and the alcohol is awaking overly affectionate feelings inside her.

“I'm so happy to be with y'all in this town.” she confesses, leaning on Raven.

“Yeah, me too.” answers Raven, giving her a crushing hug.

Despite her sassy attitude, Raven is a big softie.

In front of them, Jasper has thrown his arm around Maya's shoulders, like a protective friend. Maya is leaning into the touch, but keeping her hands tucked into her pockets, somewhat shyly. It's really cute, so Clarke points it out.

“I'm gonna win that bet too.” grins Raven.

“What? You bet on them as well?”

“Told you, Griffin”, she rolls her eyes, “you don't know half of it. We've got sooo many bets going on. My guess is that Jasper and Maya will end up together before the third week.”

“Why am I never aware of these things?” grunts Clarke.

“Because you hate bets.”

It's true. Clarke doesn't like that her friends are gambling on each other's lives, she thinks it's intrusive and rude. But since Octavia and Raven and the others find it funny, then she lets them.

“So hey, what's up with Lexa? She's been acting even weirder since the game.”

Clarke shrugs.

“Don't know. She's a mystery to me on some points. I just let her be. At her own pace.”

“She likes you.”

It's not a question, so Clarke just bites on her lip.

“Yeah, I think so too. I'm just waiting for her to decide what she wants to make of that.”

“If that girl has half a brain, she'll go for it.” declares Raven. “You're a total catch.”

Clarke grins and pinches Raven's cheek affectionately.

“Ohh, is drunken Raven a cheesy Raven? Didn't know that!”

“You just ruined our moment.” deadpans Raven sulkily. “I was tryin' to be cute, but I just think that she seriously should go for it, because man, does she need to get laid.”

“Be nice.” glares Clarke.

“Come on. She's hot, but she's got a stick so far up her ass it pains me. And that tension between you two? Please bang it out before it turns you both into frustrated bitches.”

“That's more like the Raven I know.” mumbles Clarke, drinking from her bottle.

The five of them arrive at the beach, and at this point it's fully dark. The stars are shining and the moon is reflecting on the surface of the sea, wrinkled by the waves.

They spot a lonely figure sitting on the sand, and Lexa runs towards it immediately.

“Hey, Anya, it's you!”

Indeed it is. Clarke isn't too happy about it, but Raven surely is.

“Oh, I'm so glad Bellamy didn't come.” smirks the girl before going to engage conversation.

Apparently, Anya is a secret poet that likes to come to the beach at two in the morning to stare at the infinite fucking sea. Clarke didn't realize that she said that out loud until Lexa nudges her gently.

“You really don't like her.”

“Not exactly.” admits Clarke with an embarrassed smile.

“We can walk a little further if you like.”

It takes a moment for the realization to sink in.

“You mean, just you and me?”

When Lexa nods sternly, Clarke can't help but genuinely smile.

“Yeah, I think I'd like that.”

Clarke warns Raven and the others that she's leaving them, and she's grateful when none of them comments on it. Clarke feels like the merest hint of sarcasm or innuendo could scare Lexa off, and she's damn not letting her run away a third time.

 

\---

 

Their fingers brush against each other a few times while they walk, but Lexa chooses not to take Clarke's hand. It would be too lame, awkward. It has to come more naturally than that.

They walk until the beach is desert and the others can't be seen anymore. The night is a bit chill but Clarke is still holding onto her bottle of vodka, which can prove itself useful if they get cold.

“Sit here”, decides Clarke, patting the sand beside her.

Lexa does as she's told, scooting close to Clarke. She borrows the bottle and takes a few long sips.

“I thought you didn't want your head to ache anymore.” remarks Clarke.

“It's under control. Last night was... excessive.”

Clarke says nothing, so Lexa elbows her gently.

“I still had a good time, you know.”

Clarke's smile is genuine and it causes odd sensations in the pit of Lexa's stomach.

“Ready to have an even better time now ?” teases Clarke, standing up.

Lexa raises an inquiring eyebrow.

“What do you want to...”

Her breath catches as Clarke takes off her shirt and lets her skirt slide to her ankles, before stepping out of it, wearing nothing but her underwear.

She must be staring – Lexa just hopes she's not drooling – because Clarke rolls her eyes.

“What are you waiting for? Take off your clothes, Lexa.”

Lexa fails to see the purpose of that, not that she's complaining, of course.

“I'd love to take my clothes off for you, Clarke, but, um, why is that?”

“To bathe, Lexa.” whispers Clarke with a wink, as if she was talking to a very slow child.

Lexa is grateful for the lack of light that hides her flustered cheeks. She looses her clothes as well and rushes to the sea without wasting anymore time.

She shivers when she enters the cold water, when it wraps her whole body like a freezing wet blanket. As she emerges from under a wave, she sees that Clarke has joined her.

And how beautiful she looks, her hair damp and darkened on her shoulders, droplets of water lingering on her eyelashes, her skin shining under the moonlight. Lexa isn't a poet by nature, she's more of a skeptic scientist, but she could probably make an exception right now to write Clarke a serenade.

“Can I ask you something?” says the blonde girl, staring at her.

Lexa nods, unable to talk as Clarke slides closer to her. She's extremely aware of their proximity, their bodies only separated by a few inches of water and their underwear.

“When did you get that tattoo?”

Clarke is touching her, her fingers following the inked patterns on Lexa's arm, eliciting a moan that Lexa has to swallow back.

“Uh... Four months ago.”

“It's beautiful.”

“Anya made it. She's a tattoo artist, when she's not a rude bartender that gets on your nerves.”

Lexa expects a laugh, but instead Clarke keeps on touching her arm, absorbed in her thoughts. She is madly attractive and Lexa has trouble breathing the thick air between them. She wants to erase the remaining space separating them, right about now.

“She's talented. It almost makes up for the rest.”

Clarke raises her head and stares at Lexa, smiling at last.

“You're beautiful.”

Crap. Lexa didn't mean to say that but the words had just burst out of her mouth without her permission. Clarke frowns.

“Don't you dare, Lexa.”

“What?” blinks Lexa, taken aback.

“Do that. Like last night. Do or say something like that and then run away.”

Lexa steps back, suddenly very hot. Did she misread the signs ? It doesn't look like Clarke is into her after all.

“Okay. Then I will not.”

She clenches her jaw and trains her eyes on the water between her arms, silent.

“What do you _want ?”_

Clarke's tone sounds harsh and desperate at once, and it hurts Lexa.

“Clarke, I don't know what you are talking...”

“Just make up your mind, please. I don't think I want to keep playing this game with you for the rest of the summer.”

Clarke turns away from her and swims back to the beach, where she starts putting her clothes back on, oblivious of her body dripping in water.

“You'll catch a cold.” says Lexa, going after her.

Did she miss something? Clarke just closed on herself like an oyster and she has no freaking idea _why._

“I don't care.” snaps Clarke between gritted teeth.

“Clarke. Talk to me.”

Lexa grabs her arm as she is about to leave, and Clarke jerks her head towards her, looking at her with intensity.

“No, I don't want to talk. Playing hide and seek is fun for a while, but I need to know what is that you want from me. Otherwise, I'm afraid I can't give it to you.”

Lexa doesn't know what to say. They maintain eye contact for a moment, until Lexa decides to just go for it and tell Clarke she wants her, plain and simple.

She takes a sharp inhale and is about to speak when Clarke presses her index on Lexa's lips, shutting her up.

“You know what?” she whispers. “Don't say anything for now. I'll be waiting for you tomorrow, right here, at noon, and I expect you to be there with an answer.”

She steps further into Lexa's personal space – the mere notion of personal space seems to be a derelict thing for the two of them anyway – and cups her face.

Lexa stays frozen, and Clarke leans in to give her a soft kiss, barely a peck on the lips. As the girl pulls away to leave, Lexa grabs her and kisses her back, harder, trying to express all the words she couldn't mouth.

Lexa is dripping in water and still in her underwear, and Clarke's clothes are so damp they might as well be transparent. Their lips are sloppy and Clarke's taste like salt but Lexa doesn't care. She bites down on Clarke's lower lip, slightly, before running her tongue on it to soothe her. Clarke quietly moans and parts her lips, deepening the kiss. There is nothing gentle about it anymore, it's more of a fight, something angry and full of want and lust. Lexa has a hand on the back of Clarke's neck and the other is gripping Clarke's wet shirt, knuckles white. She sighs into the blonde girl's mouth when she feels hands running over her bare skin, nails digging into her back, making the spot between her thighs ache for more.

“I want you.” says Lexa when she pulls back to breathe. “I really fucking want you.”

Clarke chuckles against her before leaning in again, giving her a last bruising kiss. Lexa's lips tingle when she pulls back, and she misses the touch of a tongue against hers.

“Glad we cleared that out.” replies Clarke with a smirk. “I'd love to show you how much I do too, but I am a bit cold and sticky with sea water, I need a shower and then I need to sleep.”

Normally, Lexa wouldn't argue, but right now she's painfully turned on and everything she can think about is a variation of _please fuck me_.

“We're closer to my house.” she notices, her voice raspy and low.

Clarke's eyes widen when she realizes what the unspoken proposition is. She licks her lips and her voice is just as husky when she answers.

“Okay then, let's go there.”

Lexa picks up her clothes on the sand and links hands with Clarke, their fingers intertwined, leading her towards the streets.

On the way, she tries not to focus too much on the desert in her mouth and Clarke's blown pupils and the throb between her thighs and _oh_ _my, this is happening._

Both of them have given up any attempt at small talk, walking in silence, Clarke's thumb stroking the back of Lexa's hand. Even _that_ is hot. It is the promise of more. Lexa gulps and slightly speeds up.

It's not long until they arrive at Anya's house, and Lexa fumbles through her pockets for the key. She unlocks the door and as soon as they get in, she's pressed against it by Clarke.

Clarke grabs her wrists and pins her against the wooden door, not fully kissing Lexa, her lips hovering and teasing and driving her crazy. Lexa frees herself and locks her hands behind Clarke's neck, pulling her in, kissing her with purpose.

They stumble backwards and almost trip on themselves, and Clarke chuckles.

“Upstairs.” whispers Lexa on a tone that is made to be obeyed, pressing kisses on Clarke's jaw, and descending lower.

“Anything to please you, Commander.” answers Clarke in a raspy voice.

Lexa smirks against her skin and nips at her collarbone, before taking her by the hand and leading her upstairs.

She understands very fast that there is something wrong.

First, Lexa notices the shoes on the floor, which make no sense, because the house is always in perfect order and – wait, there are four shoes there.

“What the hell...”

Her voice trails away as she hears it, whimpers and moans.

It hits her then.

“You've got to be fucking kidding me.” she grunts, and as they turn around the corridor, they come across Anya's open bedroom, in which a completely naked Raven is having sex with Lexa's best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you for reading this and giving me such positive feedback, you guys are the best! I am having a lot of fun writing this. I hope you liked this one!


	5. Can't get enough

Lexa immediately rushes to close the door, and at the same time the two girls inside notice that they're not alone anymore.

“Sorry!” yells Raven from behind the now shut door, laughing. “Oh, and hi, Clarke!”

Clarke feels herself blushing. She stands there awkwardly, while Lexa just blinks, probably trying to erase from her memory the scene they just witnessed. Clarke feels a little embarrassed, not only to have seen _that_ , but also to have been seen by Raven, creeping up the stairs to Lexa's bedroom. She knows she's never going to hear the end of it, and tomorrow is going to be a living hell. She's already bracing herself for the 'Girls Only War Counsel' that Octavia is going to put her through, asking her a thousand questions.

Lexa regains her composure and walks towards the end of the corridor, entering what must be her room. Clarke takes in her surroundings. The room is painted in blue, it's soothing and with very few furniture, just a bed, a closet and bookshelves covering a part of a wall.

“You read a lot.” she notices, running her fingers on the worn-out covers of the books. Tolstoy, Dumas, Zola, Hugo, Wilde, Shakespeare, Maupassant.

“I am quite fond of classic literature. I find the French one particularly enthralling.” explains Lexa.

Clarke smiles. Lexa could have easily been born during the previous century, playing piano and reading old books, always talking calmly with her bizarre formal vocabulary. Clarke thinks it's adorable. Everything about Lexa is, from her soft quietness to the way her brow furrows when she's puzzled by something.

Her gaze falls upon the girl, who is still standing in her underwear, goosebumps punctuating her bare skin and hair dripping in water. Clarke is reminded of her own soaked clothing, sticking on her damp skin unpleasantly. She's almost shivering.

“We are going to catch a cold.” she says, rubbing her arms.

Lexa shakes her head as if snapped out of a haze.

“Of course. By all means, take a shower. The bathroom is right there.” she indicates.

As the two of them stare at each other oddly, Clarke internally curses Raven for ruining their moment. Lexa was taking initiative, she was turned on and confident and Clarke wanted her so badly. But then, walking in on Raven and Anya having sex kinda killed the mood.

Clarke is still devouring Lexa with her eyes, and Lexa is mirroring that behavior too, but it feels awkward to know both their best friends are just next door, and Clarke highly doubts anything is going to happen tonight. Anyway, Raven is _loud._ Talk about a boner killer.

“So, uh, I'm just gonna go then.” Clarke clears her throat. Her voice is still hoarse, her body still vibrating from Lexa's touch and she aches for more.

“You'll find clean towels in the drawer beneath the sink.” nods Lexa awkwardly, looking pointedly at her feet. “I'm going to take a shower downstairs during that time.”

They avoid each other and leave the room in opposite directions. Clarke locks herself in the bathroom and sighs heavily. Sexual tension is over the roof and it seems that nothing will be done about it for now. It's killing her. Lexa is killing her.

She quickly gets undressed and her body relaxes under the hot stream of water, washing away the salt and the sand, bringing welcome heat to her skin again. (Well, the natural kind of heat, not the one Lexa is so good at providing.) She lingers there a few minutes, heart pounding, thinking about the situation she's deep in.

Clarke Griffin has a major crush on Lexa. Like, a really huge one. She's smart, she's adorable, she's hot, she's a bit of a total dork too but that's just adding even more cuteness. And the universe must like Clarke because it granted her reciprocate feelings, so that's great. (Well, feelings might not be a good word. It's the flesh talking there, not the heart. Clarke will stand her ground on that. No strings attached. She's just passing by in this town for the holidays.)

As indicated, she finds a towel in the drawer under the sink. As she dries herself, she realizes she forgot something important. There is no way she is going to sleep in her wet, sticky clothes and she hasn't brought any spare ones. Clarke drapes herself into the towel as best she can and tiptoes into Lexa's bedroom.

The other girl is already there, clean, her hair falling freely on her shoulders, dressed only in pajamas shorts and a loose tank top. Clarke gulps, trying hard not to stare, and clears her throat.

“Um, Lexa, do you have any clothes I could wear for tonight?” she asks, biting on her lip.

Lexa stops fumbling with her bedsheets and looks at her blankly, eying her up and down with a complete absence of subtlety.

As she forgot to answer, Clarke chuckles.

“Lexa. You're staring. If you like I can just sleep naked.”

“I'm so sorry.” Lexa says hurriedly, blushing. “Of course I have clothes.”

She rushes to her closet and hands Clarke pajamas shorts and an oversized Star Wars shirt.

“Star Wars, really ?” Clarke smiles. “I never took you for a fan of sci-fi.”

“I always wear this.” mumbles Lexa, turning her back to Clarke to give her some privacy. “I really like a good space opera, actually.”

“I think it's cute. I'm done changing.” notifies Clarke.

Lexa turns around and a smile lifts up the corners of her mouth.

“You look hot in this shirt.” she says lowly, eyes setting Clarke on fire.

At this moment, Raven cries out something and Clarke rolls her eyes.

“Your friend is rather loud.” points out Lexa on a stern tone.

Clarke agrees with a nod. She remembers all those times she had to listen to this at parties, when Raven was off to a bedroom with her on and off boyfriend Finn, or, more recently, Kyle, or that girl Raven kind of dated for a moment.

“Anyway”, adds Lexa, looking uncomfortable, “the bed in the guest room is made and ready.”

Clarke stares at her for a moment, realizing what was happening.

“Are you seriously sending me off to another room when you've got a perfectly functional double bed?” she frowns.

“I didn't want to presume anything.” explains Lexa very seriously.

Clarke almost laughs, but she figures that's probably not the best thing to do. She closes the distance between them and places a hand on Lexa's cheek, who leans into the touch.

“I thought I was clear enough.” she whispers, dropping a soft kiss on the corner of Lexa's mouth. “I didn't come here to enjoy the comfort of your guest room.” she precises, lips hovering over Lexa's. “Unless you'd like to join me there.” she adds, finally kissing her.

Lexa returns the kiss, not quite chastely. It's nowhere near as heated as it was when they entered the house, but it's still full of unconcealed want.

“Then my bed awaits you, Clarke.” she answers in a raspy voice, sending the butterflies in Clarke's stomach into overdrive.

Lexa turns off the light. Both girls slip under the sheets and Clarke lets out a sigh.

“What is it?” asks Lexa, rolling on her side to look at her.

“Nothing, actually. I'm feeling fine. I just had a hot shower, I feel clean, the bed is extremely comfortable and there's a beautiful girl by my side.”

Clarke smiles and scoots closer to Lexa, who starts stroking her arm with the tips of her fingers absentmindedly.

“You're not going to run away?” whispers Clarke, not fully knowing why she asks such a thing.

“This is my bed, Clarke. I don't intend to leave it. And I don't intend to leave you either.”

A strong arm drapes around Clarke's body to pull her closer.

“Now that I know we want the same thing, it would be foolish.”

Clarke chuckles, incredulous.

“You really had no idea, did you?”

“What do you mean?” frowns Lexa.

“That I liked you. I thought I was pretty obvious though. Since the first day I met you.”

Lexa's eyes widen in the dark, as if she was suddenly figuring something out.

“Oh! That's what Anya's innuendos were about all week. She kept saying things I did not understand, calling me blind and clueless.”

Clarke runs a thumb across Lexa's face, lingering on her lips.

“You were.”

Lexa raises an eyebrow and pouts.

“No, I was not.”

Clarke moves her hand to intertwine her fingers with Lexa's.

“I checked you out at the beach. Then I flirted with you at the restaurant. I wrote my phone number on your arm. And that was just on the first day.”

Lexa looks shocked.

“Alright, I admit I didn't get that.”

“I texted you a lot. I acted jealous when I thought you were dating Anya. I went running with you, and I think you know that was not because I love running. I invited you over. Do I need to go on?”

“No, I think I got the idea.” whispers Lexa with amazement in her eyes.

Lexa shifts to lay on her back, and Clarke places her head on her shoulder, her arm on Lexa's stomach.

Lexa's chest heaves with her breathing and it's soothing, Clarke can almost feel herself drifting away into sleep. Even the faint sounds emanating from Anya's room don't bother her anymore.

“Clarke?” asks Lexa quietly.

Clarke just hums in response, bringing one of her legs around Lexa's.

“Nevermind.” mutters Lexa after a moment. “Goodnight, Clarke.”

Clarke falls asleep while Lexa kisses her forehead, and she feels safe and happy.

 

\---

 

Lexa wakes up with a handful of golden hair across her face, and the bedroom is flooded with sunlight. She forgot to close the blinds last night.

She blinks several times and rolls closer to the edge of the bed, while memories of last night make their way into her mind. The alarm on her bedside table reads 8:27. The sun rises early during the summer.

An irrepressible smile lifts up the corner of her mouth when her gaze falls upon Clarke, asleep beside her, with her face relaxed and her lips slightly parted. Lexa takes a moment to just stare at her, unabashedly, still not believing her own luck.

She softly gets out of the bed and heads downstairs quietly, careful to close the door behind her not to wake the blonde girl.

In the empty kitchen, she decides to make pancakes. As she does, humming merrily some Nina Simone song, she hears noise.

Anya comes in shuffling, in her underwear as usual, eyes puffed with sleep, her hair a mess.

“Hi.” groans the young woman, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

“So, Raven.” states Lexa, eying her.

“So, Clarke.” replies Anya within a split second.

Lexa blushes.

“I take it you had a good night.” yawns the young woman, stretching her arms. “Although, I didn't hear you.”

“Wish I could say the same.” mutters Lexa, rolling her eyes.

Anya smirks.

“I can't help it if I'm so good at that.”

Lexa throws a pancake at her, hoping it will land on her face, but Anya catches it.

“Wow, you're tense.” notices Anya, stuffing the pancake in her mouth. “Something bothering you?”

“You could have at least closed the door.” snaps Lexa. “This was definitely not something I was willing to witness.”

“So you didn't screw her.” concludes Anya casually, while Lexa just gapes at her.

“What? I... I don't... How...” blinks Lexa, feeling her cheeks burn.

“Hello, Clarke.” answers Anya, eyes looking behind Lexa.

Lexa whips around and surely enough, Clarke is standing in the kitchen doorway, twisting her hands. _So fucking perfect._ Lexa hopes Clarke didn't hear that. But she probably did.

“Hi.” Clarke says, waving her hand.

There's an awkward moment. Lexa stares at Clarke and Clarke looks uncomfortable, and Anya just sits between them, her eyes traveling back and forth between the two girls just as if she was watching a tennis game.

“Sit down.” invites Lexa, gesturing towards a chair.

Clarke bites on her lip and sits on the chair after a moment. Lexa shifts on her feet. _Should I have kissed her good morning? Hugged her?_ She's sure anything would have been better than that, just standing and not doing anything.

The silence is heavy as Lexa busies herself with preparing another pancake.

“You're up early.” points Clarke out.

“Yes, I believe the world belongs to those who wake up early.” answers Lexa.

She offers the pancake to Clarke and pours her a coffee.

“Do you need anything?” she asks, desperately trying to break the ice of the awkwardness.

“No, thanks, I'm good.” replies Clarke with a small smile.

The silence stretches out until it's highly uncomfortable, and Anya takes it as her cue to leave.

“I didn't mean to wake you up.” says Lexa.

“You didn't. There was a lot of light in this room, and your side of the bed was empty, so, here I am.”

Lexa finds out that she has no idea how to behave around Clarke anymore. What are they now?

At this moment, Raven, fully dressed, barges into the kitchen.

“Well well, good morning to you two!”

Her smirk is irksome and Lexa wants to wipe it off of her face.

“It's so good to see you with some clothes on, Raven.” she greets the girl a tad too dryly.

Raven flashes her a smile and grabs a piece of cake.

“It's funny, Lexa. I slept with your best friend, and you slept with mine. How freaking awesome is that?”

Clarke glares at her. If looks could kill, Raven would be agonizing and crawling underneath the surface of the earth with holes burned deep into her skin by Clarke's eyes.

“Well, Clarke, if those two are anything alike, you had a great night.” adds Raven with a wink.

Lexa stares at her food, trying very hard to forget Raven's presence.

“I'm going home.” announces the annoying girl, and relief floods Lexa. “Be there for lunch, Clarke.”

However, as soon as she exits the house, Lexa finds herself stuck in this awkward situation with Clarke again.

“Your friend is intense.” she says to lighten the mood.

“Yours is even more.” replies Clarke. She's smiling, but Lexa can tell she doesn't know how to behave either. “So, um, I'm thinking about leaving in about an hour or so, so I can take a shower first.”

“I'll walk you home.” offers Lexa. “I'll run on my way back.”

Clarke nods and goes upstairs to take her shower. During this time, Lexa changes herself into leggings and a sport tank top, tucking her hair into a tight bun. She waits idly on the bed, unable to shake off the feeling that she's screwing this up royally.

She needs to girl the hell up and stand for what she wants. She must not let this be awkward.

So, when Clarke comes out of the shower ready to leave in her clothes from the previous night, still damp and sticky, Lexa comes up to her with purpose.

She pulls Clarke in to crash their lips together, grabbing her neck while her other hand settles on the girl's hipbone. Before they know it, their tongues are speaking a language of their own and Lexa decides to show Clarke that she definitely hasn't changed her mind.

When Clarke pulls back gasping for air, lips parted, Lexa bites down on the girl's lower lip, while her fingers ride up Clarke's shirt. Clarke's sharp exhale is full of shock and Lexa grins, leaning her forehead against the other girl's.

“Wow. What was that for?” breathes Clarke, her eyes full of stars.

“I hadn't a chance to kiss you good morning properly.”

Clarke chuckles and pushes Lexa on the bed, before straddling her.

“Oh yes, we need to make up for that.”

She cups Lexa's face and kisses her again, slower, it's almost chaste but her hips are grinding into Lexa's, and Lexa lets out a whimper.

“Clarke. If you keep on doing that I'm not letting you go.”

“Sadly, I really need to go back to my friends.” replies Clarke, regret obvious in her voice. “I didn't even warn them I was sleeping there.”

“When will I see you again?” asks Lexa. To be perfectly honest, she's slightly frustrated.

All she wants is to lay Clarke down on her bed to explore every inch of her body, leave kisses on her skin and touch her where it would make her back arch and her breath hitch.

“I need to see if the guys are planning anything for today. I'll text you.”

Clarke stands up to leave but Lexa grabs her and pulls her in for a last passionate kiss.

“Now we can go.” she says with a smile.

She ignores the heat building up below her stomach at the sight of Clarke's messy hair and blown irises. Damn, she needs to do something about that, and she needs to do it soon.

 

\---

 

Lexa, holding onto her promise, walks Clarke to her house, their hands linked all the way. They kiss in front of the house for a few moments, and Lexa pulls away, about to leave. She stands on the sidewalk, where she begins stretching, preparing to run all the way back.

Clarke's eyes trace the curve of Lexa's ass in those tight leggings, the outline of her toned arms and her defined jaw. Her mouth goes dry and she's suddenly extremely pissed off at Raven for ruining it all for them last night.

Clarke wants Lexa like she rarely wanted anyone. She's got it bad, really bad, and heaven knows she needs to ease the tension before it kills her.

“That's your house, Clarke.” Lexa points out, seeing that Clarke does nothing to enter it.

“I'm aware.” Clarke does not quit staring. She doesn't miss the light blush that creeps up the other girl's face.

Lexa abandons her stretching exercises and walks up to Clarke, pinning her against one of the trees that decorate the sidewalk.

“You're making it very hard for me to leave when you look at me like that.” she says, whispering into Clarke's ear.

“Like what?” answers Clarke, breath catching.

“Like you want to fuck me right there.”

Wow. Forward Lexa is a new side of Lexa she's not used to, and she's definitely not complaining. Lexa's voice is low and raspy and her words bring immediate heat to Clarke's body, flooding her face, her chest, stomach, and settling lower, throbbing painfully.

“Lexa, I need to go.” she whispers, eyes shut, trying not to concentrate on the girls hand's on her sides, tracing burning circles on her skin.

“I'm not holding you back.” replies Lexa, a hint of amusement in her tone.

It's true, so Clarke frees herself and takes a few step back. Just to be sure she's not about to jump on Lexa right now, like her body wants her to.

“So, I'll text you.” Her voice just dropped by at least an octave and she hates that it's so obvious she's seriously turned on.

Lexa doesn't miss it and there's a smirk on her face when she nods.

“See you very soon, Clarke.”

She whips around and starts running. After a few seconds, Clarke realizes she's staring so she shakes her head and walks up the porch, where she knocks at the door.

Octavia opens her and there's a scolding expression on her face.

“Well, look who's there. Clarke Griffin. Did you get lost last night, or is there something I should know about?”

“Did you speak to Raven?”

“Of course I did. But we were waiting for you to get on with this conversation.”

Octavia lets her in but she immediately grabs Clarke's arm to lead her upstairs. Clarke rolls her eyes when she finds herself locked in Octavia and Maya's room, where Raven is casually sitting on the bed.

“Hey, that's my girl!” grins Raven.

“Where's Maya?” asks Clarke.

“Taking a walk with Jasper, apparently.” answers Octavia with a smile. “Okay, girls, I need to know everything.”

Raven starts picking at her nails, failing at hiding her very obvious self-satisfaction.

“We went to the beach, where we had the pleasure to come across Anya. Clarke didn't appreciate that, so she took off with Lexa.”

“Okay, we'll get back on that.” promises Octavia, pointing an accusative finger at Clarke. “Go on, Raven.”

“So, while Jasper and Maya were talking on their side, I offered Anya a drink and I told her she looked banging under the moonlight.”

Clarke rolls her eyes.

“Seriously, you said that?”

“Yeah.” confirms Raven, grinning. “I added that she'd look even better naked and she offered to take me home. I warned Jasper and Maya – unlike you, Griffin – and you know the rest. I had a great night, like, really mind-blowing.”

“So I've heard.” deadpans Clarke.

Octavia throws herself her bed and locks her arms behind her head, her gaze hovering between her two friends.

“Okay, first, congrats to Raven. I collected my wager on the morning and my brother stopped bragging about his seduction skills for at least an hour, so that's great. Now your turn, Clarke. What happened with your hot waitress?”

Clarke doesn't really like being interrogated, but she needs to talk to someone anyway, so it might as well be her two best friends. She takes a deep breath and starts explaining.

“So, we took a walk on the beach and we jumped into the water. There was an awkward moment when I thought Lexa was about to do something and then run away, like she already did twice, so I snapped at her and told her to just make up her mind. She did, we kissed, and I was like, on fire.”

Raven's smile is wide and Clarke sort of wants to slap it out of her stupid face.

“She offered to take me home then. But we walked in on Anya and Reyes having sex, so that killed the mood.”

“Wait, I thought you slept together.” intervenes Octavia, frowning.

“No, I mean, we did sleep, together in the same bed, but that's it. Nothing happened. Just two girls sleeping.”

“How disappointing.” pouts Raven.

Clarke gapes at her and throws herself at her friend, trying to tickle her to death.

“You little piece of shit, I swear..!” she says, laughing.

“Don't take out your frustration on me!” yells Raven, fighting her off.

“Children, calm down.” demands Octavia, separating them firmly. “Time for debriefing.”

Raven sticks out her tongue at Clarke who just rolls her eyes.

“Okay, so what's the situation now?” asks Octavia.

“Anya said she'd probably call me whenever she feels like it.” shrugs Raven. “But you know, I am not asking for anything more than that.”

“Good. Clarke?”

“I don't know.” admits Clarke. “I think it might be a little more than that. She's really cool, and I like spending time with her.”

“Clarke”, warns Octavia, “don't start dating her and falling in love, we're leaving in five weeks, and she probably lives two thousands kilometers away from you.”

Clarke sits up straight and looks at her friend very seriously.

“I know what I'm doing, Octavia. It's not about dating. It's not about love. I don't know exactly what it is, but it's harmless and I am definitely not going to get caught in some long-distance relationship. Whatever that is, it's going to end at most in five weeks. Don't worry. It's under control.”

Clarke ignores the little voice in her head that adds _for now._

 

\---

 

Anya and Lexa jump into Anya's car and they're off to the village nearby, a small thing called Port Jaha. At the harbor, Anya's parents' boat is waiting for them.

“Nothing better than an afternoon at sea.” says Anya, sailing the little boat away from the coast.

Lexa takes deep breaths of fresh air, sitting on the deck.

“I couldn't agree more. This is so ideal.”

At that moment, Lexa's phone vibrate in her pocket. She checks it.

_Clarke – 2:34 pm : I'm all yours this afternoon. The others just want to nap._

_Lexa – 2:35 pm : I actually can't meet you today. I'm sailing with Anya. I'm really sorry._

_Clarke – 2:36 pm : Oh. :(_

“Is that your girlfriend?” asks Anya, taking out her fishing can. She likes to fish for hours during sunny afternoons, and Lexa enjoys sitting next to her with a good book.

“She's not my girlfriend.” corrects Lexa.

_Clarke – 2:37 pm : That's too bad. I was going to ask you to join me at the beach._

“I sure hope so.” grunts Anya, placing the bait on her wire.

_Clarke – 2:38 pm : Nevermind. You won't be there when I take my clothes off to swim. ;)_

Lexa's glad she isn't drinking anything right now, because she would have choked on it.

_Lexa – 2:39 pm : That's a low blow, Clarke. I can't help it if I'm away._

_Clarke – 2:40 pm : I can't help it if it's sooo hot right now. Almost as hot as you._

Lexa rolls her eyes and fights back a smile.

_Lexa – 2:41 pm : Are you trying to sext me? Because you're really bad at it._

“Stop beaming at that device like a dumb lovestruck teenager.” says Anya dryly.

“We both know I am neither dumb nor lovestruck.”

“Oh yeah? You're acting like the latter.”

_Clarke – 2:42 pm : Dammit. I thought that was a good one._

_Lexa – 2:43 pm : Nice try._

Lexa fidgets with her phone and looks at Anya seriously.

“You should stop presuming things about my feelings. Clarke is a beautiful girl, and I am attracted to beautiful girls. In addition to that, she's an extremely smart person, very bright and easy to talk to. This does not mean I am, as you call it, lovestruck.”

“Then get on with it and screw her already.” replies Anya with a calm voice.

Lexa presses her lips together.

“There is no need to be that vulgar about it.”

_Clarke – 2:44 pm : Can I see you tonight?_

_Lexa – 2:45 pm : I'm working until 1am. I'll be exhausted after that anyway._

_Clarke – 2:46 pm : Already think you can't handle me? I thought you'd have more stamina than that, my dear._

Lexa smirks at Clarke's boldness.

_Lexa – 2:47 pm : Don't provoke me, Clarke. You went running with me. You witnessed my outstanding physical condition._

_Clarke – 2:48 pm : So presumptuous. ;)_

Anya has her eyes trained away on the water, watching her fishing line attentively.

“I'm serious, Lexa. Be careful. I know you. I've seen how you look at her. This is not just about sex, and you know it.”

Lexa doesn't answer. Because Anya is, unfortunately, very right. Lexa was never one who enjoyed meaningless sex – in fact, she doesn't do that at all. And she likes Clarke way more than she should.

She gulps, trying to hide her worry. She hopes she is not going to do the most incredibly stupid thing to do – fall in love with a girl that she will probably never meet again after this summer. (Something in her is telling her that yes, that's going to happen, but she buries it deep inside of her mind.) 

Lexa is not one to back down from a challenge, and she may be facing the biggest one she ever came across. Mission : to  _not_ get emotionally involved with Clarke. For once, try Anya's lifestyle. Casual sex and nothing more. She must not allow herself to be weak. Otherwise, it is going to be the end of her.

 

\---

 

Clarke falls on her stomach with a grunt, sand invading her mouth. She jumps on her feet with a satisfied exclamation when she sees she scored the point.

It was a tricky task to get everyone to forget about their project of nap, but, now that they were all here at the beach, they were all enjoying their game of volleyball.

“That's five to two.” she struts proudly while Raven sticks her tongue out at her.

“Oh, please, we've got a terrible team there.” whines the brunette girl with a pout, eying at Bellamy, Jasper and Maya.

Bellamy frowns and playfully pushes her off balance, sending her stumbling onto the sand.

“Raven, you're a sore loser, and you're the one who makes us lose, so shut your mouth”, he says, amused. It's true. Raven keeps yawning and missing the ball.

Octavia smirks, throwing her friend a wink.

“You should have gotten some more sleep, you look exhausted.”

She high-fives Clarke who laughs at that. Beside them, Murphy snorts.

“Yeah, Reyes, why do you think I picked Clarke to join my team? Frustrated and not tired, that's a real asset, and... oww stop hitting me!” he yells while Octavia slaps him at the back of his head.

Clarke glares at him. Murphy is easily the most irritating of her friends, but sometimes he's so clairvoyant she wonders if he's not a medium or something.

“Why would you say that?” she whispers so that only him could hear.

“I know you, princess”, he scoffs, “I can tell when you're bothered by things.”

“I'm not bothered by anything.” she mumbles while Monty throws the ball at the adverse team.

“Say that to your hormones”, he winks before stepping away, ready to play.

Clarke rolls her eyes.

Her team scores a few more points until Raven collapses on the sand, complaining about her team's poor volleyball skills, and gets attacked by said team to be tickled to death.

Octavia nudges Clarke in the shoulder.

“How about we go to the restaurant tonight? I have a craving for pizza right now.”

Clarke smiles at her.

“That's fine by me. Besides, there's a really pretty waitress there.”

 

\---

 

Anya and Lexa got back to the house just in time to get ready to go to work. Arrived at the restaurant, Lexa rushes to the changing room to put on her uniform.

She quickly puts on the black skirt and curses the white blouse while she buttons it up. On a Tuesday night, first opening night of the week at the restaurant, there is a 90% chance of getting stains. For some reason, people were really clumsy on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. (Over the years, Lexa has been elaborating various statistics about the restaurant, and the staining rate of her white blouse is a major one. When she collects enough data, she is going to submit a petition to the manager to have the color changed to blue.)

Lexa arranges her hair into a tight bun and walks out of the changing room to get to work. She immediately hurries to take orders, as Anya has already started to pour drinks.

She can't help but smile when, about half an hour later, a merry group of eight noisy people enter the restaurant. She approaches the table, drinking in the sight of her, well, – what, what is Clarke to her now? This deserves some thought – of Clarke.

“Good evening and welcome to the Seaside Bar Restaurant.” she says professionally.

“Hi again, Lexa.” answers Clarke with a burning glance.

Lexa is reminded of Clarke, by her side in bed this morning, Clarke, on her way back home, kissing her. She blinks and smiles, nodding curtly at Raven who looks just as unnerving as ever.

“How are you today?” asks Bellamy. Lexa has decided she likes him. He is polite and always full of attentions for everyone. She wishes vaguely that Anya had chosen him instead.

“I'm good, thank you.” she replies before regaining her formal waitress attitude. “What do you want to order tonight?”

“Pizza.” blurts out Octavia with eagerness.

Lexa takes everyone's command and leaves to report it to the kitchen. The other waitress working that night, an irritating girl with a smug attitude, is idly leaning in the doorway, flirting with the cook.

“Don't you have work to do?” she snaps at her dryly.

The girl raises an eyebrow and Lexa ignores her, getting on with her service.

She delivers eight pizzas to Clarke's table minutes later, and they immediately begin eating their food. Lexa walks away, carrying a half empty glass of wine on her tray.

She doesn't notice she's being followed until, when she turns around to verify nobody needs her services, she bumps into someone, sending the glass flying into the air.

Lexa curses under her breath when the contents of it spills onto the person's shirt, red wine staining the green fabric with efficiency. For a split second, she's happy that this time she isn't the one who got stained, but then she remembers to worry about the customer. It's Clarke.

“Oh no, I'm so sorry”, she mumbles, furrowing her brow. “I hope your shirt isn't ruined.”

“Well, red wine does pretty good damage.” answers Clarke, lowering her eyes on her damp green shirt.”

“It does. You need to wash this as soon as possible.” nods Lexa seriously.

It takes her off guard when Clarke starts biting her lip and staring unabashedly at her.

“I swear to God”, she starts in a voice that doesn't sound like hers, “you're such a clumsy waitress. I might have to speak to your manager. I am so very unsatisfied by the service here.”

Lexa widens her eyes.

“Excuse me?” she replies, puzzled. “You were the one following me, and, by the way, why were you...”

“Unless”, Clarke cuts her short, “you happen to know some place where I could change my shirt. Somewhere quiet, where nobody would see us, I mean, where nobody would see me when I remove it.”

Lexa opens her mouth and closes it. Twice.

“Clarke.” she slowly says. “As tempting as this sounds, I am working here.”

“Too bad.” pouts Clarke. “I'm afraid I'll have to notify your manager that you refused to help a client in addition to your clumsiness.”

Lexa rolls her eyes. She knows it's an empty threat. But when Clarke whispers into her ear, her breath hot against her skin, she can't find it in her to resist any further and decides to give in.

“You're really sexy in that uniform.” mumbles Clarke, her fingers ghosting on Lexa's arm.

Lexa turns to the kitchen doorway, where the other waitress is still flirting with the cook.

“You, make yourself useful.” she commands. “Take over my service, I'll be back in a few minutes.”

As she leads Clarke towards the changing room, she ignores the blonde girl's chuckle.

“A few minutes, eh?”

She opens the door and lets Clarke in, closing the door behind them.

“I can lend you my shirt”, she says, turning around to reach it. “I will get home wearing my uniform.”

Lexa stills when arms wrap around her waist, hands pressed against her stomach.

“I missed you today.” whispers Clarke against her neck.

A shiver shots through her spine and she turns around, cupping Clarke's face and leaning in.

“I missed you too.” she admits before kissing her, softly.

Clarke's lips move against hers and her tongue parts Lexa's lips to enter her mouth, as her hand undoes Lexa's bun.

“Clarke.” warns Lexa, pulling back for air. “I am worki...”

She's cut short when Clarke kisses her again, harder, with purpose, her fingers starting to deftly unbutton Lexa's blouse.

“Okay, just a minute.” she mumbles, distracted by the kisses Clarke is planting on her jaw and lower on her neck.

Clarke undoes the last button and grips the sides of the unbuttoned blouse to pull Lexa closer, her teeth grazing at Lexa's pulse point. Her fingers travel across Lexa's stomach, exploring, nails applying pressure whenever she wants to leave a mark, and Lexa's breath is starting to sound labored and uneven.

“You're driving me crazy.” she whispers, backing Clarke against the door a little roughly, hands riding up her shirt to grip at Clarke's sides.

Clarke laughs and takes off her own shirt, causing Lexa to gape, staring.

“Clarke. I really can't. I'm working.” she says weakly.

But the other girl just smirks.

“I'm reminding you that the reason you brought me in this room is so I could change my shirt.”

Lexa blushes and hands her her own shirt.

“Put this on.”

Clarke tosses it on the side wordlessly and pushes Lexa on the bench in the center of the room, straddling her.

“Tomorrow.” she announces while her hands wander dangerously towards Lexa's breasts. “Let's spend some part of the day together.”

Lexa sits up and lets her lips hover on Clarke's collarbone, her nails tracing burning circles in the skin of the girl's back.

“Okay. Anya's going away for the day. Be there for lunch. I'll cook something for you.” she offers.

Clarke stiffens and Lexa pulls away, worried that she said something wrong.

“What is it?” she asks.

“The cooking part.” admits Clarke, her eyes not meeting Lexa's. “This... it's not a date, right? I mean, we're not...dating, you know?”

She sounds a bit unsure, but she slowly gets up to put on Lexa's shirt.

“Of course not.” Lexa deflects, trying to sound casual. “But I thought, we might as well eat.”

She ignores the lump forming in her throat. (Ridiculous. She's not disappointed, she can't be, she swore to herself that she would _not_ date Clarke Griffin. This is for the best.)

“Oh, alright.” breathes Clarke. She chuckles. “I'm sorry, it's stupid, for a moment I thought you misunderstood my intentions.”

Lexa shakes her head and forces herself to appear playful.

“Don't worry. It's pretty clear.”

Clarke smiles and kisses her a last time, before heading to the door.

“Perfect. I'll be there at twelve.”

Left alone, Lexa buttons up her blouse before going back to the restaurant. When she comes back to Clarke's table with the bill, she remembers that her bun is undone and her hair is messy.

“What happened to your hair?” asks Raven with a wink, who didn't miss it.

“It was bothering me.” replies Lexa automatically, averting her eyes from Clarke's flustered face.

“You missed a button.” whispers Octavia, pointing at Lexa's blouse with a smirk.

It's Lexa's turn to blush, while she fixes her uniform.

Clarke's friends pay, leaving her a good tip, but when she says them goodbye, her smile feels hollow.

There's a tug in her chest when she watches Clarke walk away, as well as warmth when she thinks about tomorrow.

Lexa swears to herself that she's going to make this perfect. She'll cook an amazing lunch and she will wear sexy underwear. She will make Clarke laugh and she will blow her mind, she'll make sure she has a great time, and she's not thinking just about the sex, though there's plenty of that too. Lexa wants to explore every inch of Clarke's body, but she also wants to listen to her for hours and discover everything about her personality, she wants to discuss everything with her and find out what is her favorite book and which movie genre she likes best.

But, of course, this is not a date. Clearly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the positive feedback and kudos, reading your comments makes me smile like crazy. I'm already almost finished writing the next chapter, so it should be up very soon. Hope you guys liked that one!


	6. Date or not date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Living up to those ratings. Thanks again for all the love! :)

Clarke knocks at Anya's door precisely at noon, right on time.

Lexa opens the door a few seconds later, wearing skinny jeans and a plain blue shirt, looking a bit flustered and breathless.

“Oh, hi, Clarke, you're early.” she says, glancing behind her own shoulder.

Clarke smirks and takes a step towards her, stealing a quick kiss from Lexa's lips.

“Actually, I'm not. Am I interrupting something?”

“Well, my attempt at cooking an apple pie for dessert, but clearly that's a failure”, explains Lexa before pulling her inside the house, giving her a proper kiss.

Clarke lets her lips move against Lexa's a few moments but pulls back when things start heating up.

“Holy shit, Lexa, it's smelling really good in there!” she grins, taking in Lexa's proud look.

“Come here”, says Lexa, taking her by the hand.

She brings her to the kitchen and invites her to sit down at an impeccably dressed table. There are white napkins next to silver forks and beautiful plates decorated with leaves of salad. There's a bottle of champagne and elegant crystal flutes as well.

Clarke raises an eyebrow and shifts uncomfortably. This is all really cute and she has to admit her heart is melting a little, which is exactly what is bothering her. This is not supposed to be a date and Lexa is not supposed to be so adorable and Clarke isn't supposed to feel anything besides lust. And, well, right now she's in awe and that's a problem.

“Lexa..” she begins, unsure of what to say.

“Don't worry”, interrupts Lexa, as though she had just read Clarke's mind. “This is not a date, Clarke. I just happen to like to cook and the fancy plates all that we have here. Anya's parents are, as I mentioned, really rich. And they have an infinite collection of champagne in the basement.”

She sounds casual and Clarke relaxes at once. She ignores the stir in her chest informing her that perhaps she would have wished that somehow, the champagne and the cooking were something special that Lexa would have pulled off just for her.

“So I made something quite simple, but it's really good.” informs Lexa while pouring them champagne. “This is basmati rice with poulet à la milanaise.”

She reaches a plate on the kitchen counter and puts it on the table, before sitting in front of Clarke.

“Bon appétit”, she adds, serving food for the both of them.

“I love it when you speak French.” whispers Clarke, mouth drying. (And, what the hell, with such food, it should really be watering instead.)

Lexa lowers her head to conceal the smile tugging at the corners of her mouth and the two girls start to eat.

They alternate comfortable silences and interesting discussions, and once again Clarke is amazed at how smart Lexa is. With her, conversation comes easy and it's interesting, serious and challenging at once, her opinion on things is always elaborate and there's something fascinating about the way she talks. She has this kind of voice that people are compelled to listen to, with the intonation of leaders and the brightness of the greater minds.

In a silent agreement, neither of the girls ask the other where does she live, nor what studies she's going to do next year. All they know about the other's scholarship is that they both just graduated highschool, and that's enough. They choose not to focus about the future, and instead to enjoy the present moments, when they are spending the summer in the same beautiful town.

“So,” asks Clarke, “where is Anya today?”

“She drove to the nearest city to greet her colleague, a guy named Lincoln who works for her at the tattoo parlor. He's coming to spend a couple weeks with us on holidays.”

“Oh yeah?” Clarke raises an eyebrow. “Do you know him?”

“Not yet.” admits Lexa. “But Anya says he's a great guy, and I trust her. She wouldn't have invited him if she thought he would annoy me in any way.”

“You really mean much to her.” notices Clarke. “She acts like your big sister.”

Lexa nods pensively.

“We are close indeed. She was always there for me during tough times.”

Something in her voice tells Clarke that she's thinking about something in particular.

“Everything okay?” she worries, putting her fork down.

“Oh, yes. It's just... I was in a relationship and it ended roughly for me.”

Clarke gets somewhat curious. She had assumed that Lexa was in the closet, but, was she really?

“Can I ask you something?” she blurts out.

Lexa tilts her head on the side and nods, chewing on her chicken.

“You were so, let's say, cold with me. Why did you act like that?”

Lexa almost chokes on her food.

“What, you thought I was acting cold?”

She seems astounded.

“Yes”, nods Clarke, “I mean, you were sending mixed signals. Kissing me and running away, staring at me but staying distant, and oh, I meant to ask! When you were drunk, why did you ask me to stop calling you by your name?”

Lexa's cheeks turn a nice shade of pink.

“This is embarrassing”, she replies lowly. “As you say, I was drunk. And, well, the way you say my name... it's, uh... it's extremely attractive. And I thought you weren't interested, so, I asked you to stop. Because it made me think about inappropriate things.”

Her last words were barely mumbled but Clarke's face lights up into a wide grin.

“That's so cute.” she chuckles.

“No.” frowns Lexa. “It's not.”

“Yes it is.” winks Clarke. After a moment, she adds : “Lexa.”

She made sure to pronounce it slowly, in a raspy voice, insisting on the sound of the “x”. Lexa swallows her food oddly, chewing distractedly. Clarke promises herself to use that trick later.

“So, you like it when I say your name. _Lexa._ ” she smirks.

“Stop it, I'm eating.” pouts Lexa, giving her a light tap on the arm.

Clarke doesn't wipe the grin off of her face. This is interesting.

“So, well, I was not cold.” concludes Lexa to change the subject. “I guess I am not exactly gifted when it comes to flirting.”

“Are you out?” asks Clarke, because after all, what the hell, she maybe has a right to ask if she's having this sort of relationship with Lexa.

Lexa frowns.

“What do you mean?”

Clarke shrugs.

“With all those mixed signals, I assumed that you were, you know, in the closet.”

For a moment, Lexa just sits with a puzzled face, but then she laughs a bit.

“Wow, Clarke, you really misunderstood everything about my attitude. I'm not. I mean, I never actually came out at school or to my parents, not officially. But Anya knows, and I thought I was able to make sure the girls I like knew that too. Apparently it's not clear. So, yes, I am gay.”

Clarke nods, amused. The general awkwardness of Lexa is absolutely adorable, and she's enjoying every bit of this lunch.

“Thank you”, she says when they finish their plates. “This was amazing.”

“You're very welcome.” answers Lexa softly.

She gets up and reaches for peaches and pears in the fridge.

“Since I ruined the apple pie”, she explains, “I can only offer you fruits.”

“It's perfect.” assures Clarke genuinely.

 

\---

 

Lexa bites into her pear and congratulates herself. Everything has run pretty smoothly so far. Clarke is looking particularly hot in her shorts and sleeveless shirt, with her blonde hair cascading freely on her shoulders. The meal she cooked was a success, and there has been no moments of awkwardness, which was some kind of a record for Lexa.

She takes a sip of her champagne (she couldn't resist, she knows it's not a date but what girl doesn't like a good champagne?) and subtly eyes Clarke. She really is beautiful, and so bright.

Her heartbeat picks up when she thinks about what comes next. They are currently finishing eating, which means that they will be free to do anything that would please them. (And Lexa has a pretty good idea of what that could be.)

Lexa finishes to eat before Clarke does and washes her hands. Clarke stands up, her chair rattling the floor, her half-eaten peach in her hand.

“You know what?” she says, swallowing a mouthful of it. “I would love to hear some piano right now.”

Lexa smiles.

“Anything to please you, Clarke.” she replies, leading her guest to the music room.

She sits down at the piano and starts playing something groovy, a Nina Simone song she covered using jazz drifts and accords.

Clarke leans on the corner of the piano, staring down at her while biting into her peach.

“That's really good, Lexa.” comments Clarke when she's finished.

From where she sits, she has a particularly good view of Clarke's bare legs and Lexa's tongue darts out to wet her lips. When Clarke takes the final bite of her peach, a trail of juice rolls down her lip towards her chin.

Lexa stands up and presses Clarke against the piano, a hand resting on Clarke's waist.

“You've got some juice, there.” she whispers, her eyes trained on Clarke's lips.

Clarke swallows her mouthful but does nothing about the trail of juice, staring right back at Lexa.

Lexa leans in and slowly licks up the peach juice, her tongue tracing up Clarke's chin until it reaches her mouth. She runs her tongue on Clarke's lips, tasting every remaining drop of the fruit. Clarke opens her mouth for her and Lexa pulls her closer, kissing her with purpose and application. Clarke tastes likes champagne and peaches and it's easily the most attractive possible thing.

Clarke goes back to the kitchen to wash her hands and throw the pit of her peach into the bin.

“When do you need to go?” asks Lexa, unable to take her eyes off of the beautiful girl in front of her.

“In about three hours.” replies Clarke, stepping closer, slowly, like a panther circling her prey. “Which leaves us plenty of time.”

Her fingers tangle with Lexa's for a second before trailing up her arms, caressing her wrists, stroking her forearms, settling on her biceps. She boldy eyes Lexa up and down, her gaze setting the whole length of Lexa's body on fire.

“Okay.” nods Lexa, mouth dry. “Would you like to go upstairs with me?”

“Gladly.” answers Clarke and a wave of heat shoots through Lexa's body.

Lexa takes her by the hand and, when they enter her bedroom, there is a lump in her throat and she's extremely nervous. Clarke seems to notice it, and she drapes her arms around Lexa, her head on the girl's chest.

“I wouldn't mind some music.” she suggests.

Lexa nods and turns up her stereo. This is one of the jazz records that she loves, songs with no singers, just the purity of the music and the delight procured by the sounds.

“Nice.” comments Clarke.

“I like jazz.” answers Lexa, placing her hands on Clarke's waist and swaying in rhythm with the music.

There is something almost eerie about the moment, the two of them dancing in Lexa's bedroom, eyes lost into each other's. Lexa's chest feels like it's about to burst. She could probably fall in love with a girl like Clarke. She blinks and immediately buries the thought. No. This is the worst idea she could get right now.

“Hold on”, she pulls away. “I'll be right back.”

She quickly climbs down the stairs and comes back with the bottle of champagne, still half-full, and their glasses.

“It's a shame to waste such a good bottle.” she explains. “Besides, I love to drink champagne while listening to jazz.”

She pours them drinks and Clarke smirks, taking a sip of hers.

“Jazz and champagne. So romantic.” she says playfully.

Lexa bites on her lip. (It's not a date, it's not a date, it is _not_ a date, dammit)

“Well, you know what I love with alcohol? Drinking games.” whispers Clarke, sitting on the bed.

“A game with only two players?”

“Why not?” Clarke raises an eyebrow. “At least my partner in this game is really hot.”

Lexa moves to sit next to her, kicking off her shoes.

“I'm ready.” she teases, taking a sip of her drink.

“Truth or dare. You drink each time the other one does what she has to do.” replies Clarke.

“Truth.”

Clarke licks her lips and brush her fingers over Lexa's hand.

“Do you want to have sex with me?”

Lexa swallows hard and widens her eyes. Clarke's boldness is making her feel incredibly hot and she loves it. She leans in and presses a kiss on Clarke's neck, lingering there.

“Yes.” she whispers, her breath ghosting against Clarke's pulse point. She smiles when she feels the other girl shudder.

Clarke takes a long gulp of her drink.

“Your turn.” says Lexa, trying to keep her voice even.

“Dare.”

“Dance for me.”

Lexa rests back on her elbows, stomach turned toward the ceiling, while she watches the sight that unravels before her eyes. Clarke is moving slowly at the rhythm of the music, every part of her body harmoniously swaying at the sound of the saxophone, and Lexa can feel heat building up inside of her.

Laughing, Clarke steps towards her and straddles her on the bed, leaning in to kiss her passionately.

“You're so beautiful.” whispers Lexa between kisses, flipping them over.

She brings up her hands to Clarke's face, tracing the lines of her jaw, her thumbs running on her neck.

“Truth or dare.” says Clarke under her breath, and the air has gone significantly hotter and thicker.

“Dare.”

“Take off your shirt.”

They both seem to have forgotten the drinking part, but Lexa does not mind a single bit. She likes champagne alright, but now this is not her main concern.

Lexa steps off the bed like a cat, on her hands and knees, taking off Clarke's shoes in the way. She stands at the foot of the bed and slowly clutches the hem of her shirt, making a show of it. Slowly, she pulls the fabric up, revealing her toned stomach, and then a black lacy bra. As she flips it over her head, she hears Clarke's sharp exhale. Tossing the shirt on the ground, Lexa decides to play with Clarke's nerves.

She runs her fingers on her own body, delicately tracing the outline of her ribcage, of her abs.

“Get over here.” commands Clarke in a husky voice.

Lexa shakes her head, one of her hand tracing circles around her breast, cupping it tentatively. Clarke rolls off the bed immediately and walks up to her with purpose, grabbing her waist, pinning her against a wall.

“You're overdressed.” notices Lexa as Clarke nips at the skin of her neck.

Clarke ignores her and descends lower, her hands exploring Lexa's stomach, her mouth descending below her collarbone. Lexa's breath catches and she pushes the girl away just slightly, taking Clarke's shirt off somewhat clumsily.

She pulls their bodies flushed together and tangles her hands into Clarke's hair as she kisses her, pushes her, harder, until there is nothing gentle about it anymore. Teeth nip and lips tease, and Lexa can feel a primitive hunger taking over her, her nervousness long forgotten. Clarke is responding eagerly to the kiss, pushing back, gripping Lexa's side with a hand, while her other hand comes up to palm Lexa's breast. Lexa lets out a soft moan at the pressure, and Clarke's fingers reach behind Lexa's back to unclasp her bra.

Before she knows it, Lexa is standing there, her chest bare under Clarke's burning stare.

“Fuck, you're hot.” whispers Clarke raspily, and she pushes Lexa down on the bed.

Lexa lets out a laugh that quickly turns into a gasp when she feels lips closing around one of her breast, a tongue hot and wet against her skin, while Clarke's fingers circle her other nipple, teasing it as it hardens, rubbing it firmly. Lexa bites on her lip and closes her eyes for a moment, as her core begins to ache, and loses a hand in Clarke's golden hair.

She pulls her back up, bringing their faces together, and kisses her again, open-mouthed, passionately. It's somewhat sloppy but most of her focus is on the task of removing Clarke's bra, which she does single-handedly in a matter of seconds.

“Nice move.” comments Clarke with a smirk, running her tongue on Lexa's earlobe.

“You haven't seen nothing yet.” replies Lexa jokingly.

She flips them over so that she's straddling Clarke, taking in the sight of the girl's half-naked body beneath her and _damn._ One of her hands moves to cup Clarke's ass while she lowers her head to her chest, giving her breasts special attention. Clarke gasps whenever Lexa's teeth graze at the sensitive skin and that mere sound is working Lexa up with incredible efficiency.

Her hand moves against Clarke's bare leg, fingers lazily ghosting over the knee before moving up to her thigh with extreme slowness. Nails dig into her back and Clarke bucks up her hips, causing Lexa to smirk, lips hovering over Clarke's.

“Somebody's impatient.”

“Shut up.” answers Clarke, pulling her in for a bruising kiss, before pushing them both into a sitting position.

The blonde girl takes a moment to look at her, hair messy and pupils blown, their half-naked bodies brushing against each other.

“I can tell you that I am very glad that we are alone this time, because I _oh._ ”

Lexa exhales sharply, cut mid-sentence by a hand slipping into her pants, fingers brushing briefly against her heat, and suddenly she can feel how wet she already is.

“A little warning next time”, she hisses into Clarke's ear, before letting out a whimper when the girl presses a finger on her clit, stroking it once.

“Lexa.” says Clarke as she pushes her down on the bed, “stop talking.”

Lexa obliges, because right now all of her vocabulary has been reduced to _oh_ and _wow_ and _Clarke._ Clarke unbuttons her jeans and quickly slides them down Lexa's legs before tossing them to the floor. She settles between the girl's thighs, leaning in to kiss her again.

Her mouth leaves Lexa's to brush against her ear, her voice low and husky.

“Lexa”, she begins, and Lexa bites her lip because that's one of her favorite words ever when Clarke says it that way, “I want you tell me if you need anything, okay?”

Lexa nods, swallowing hard as Clarke begins to get down on her body, kissing every inch of her body on the way. Her lips press against Lexa's chest, her stomach, and she stops at her hipbone, while Clarke slowly removes Lexa's underwear. She lowers her head and begins to kiss the inside of Lexa's thigh, starting from the knee, and progressing higher, as her hands stroke Lexa's sides.

Lexa's shuts her eyes and focuses on her breathing, trying not to arch her back when Clarke's mouth is so close to where she wants it but keeps teasing, never touching her, pressing kisses anywhere but at Lexa's center.

“ _Clarke.”_ hisses Lexa, because she's about to die of frustration if Clarke doesn't do anything, “get on with it, for heaven's sake!”

Clarke chuckles against the inside of her thigh but she obliges, and suddenly Lexa gasps as a tongue brings her the kind of friction she's been aching for. She moans softly when Clarke settles to a steady rhythm, and throws her head back, abandoning herself. A finger slides inside of her, followed by another, as Clarke picks up her pace.

It isn't long before Lexa's breath gets heavier, and soon she can feel all of her muscles tighten as raw pleasure takes over her. Shuddering and panting, she watches Clarke's lascivious smirk as the girl kisses her way back up to her head.

“How was that?” whispers Clarke as she presses a kiss on her cheek.

“Amazing.” answers Lexa, capturing the girl's lips into hers, tasting herself as she does.

Lexa lays flat on her back for a moment, recovering from her orgasm, and Clarke runs her fingers over her bare stomach and chest, giving her goosebumps, and making her want more, again. She props herself up on one elbow to drink in the sight of the beautiful girl at her side.

“You're still overdressed.” she says matter-of-factly, hands already busying themselves to fix that.

She takes off Clarke's shorts, dragging her underwear along in the same motion. Positioning herself on top of the girl, she leans her forehead against Clarke's, as her hands idly explore every inch of Clarke's body. She takes her time to learn which places make Clarke's breath catch into her throat, and what amount of pressure she needs to apply on her skin to make her whimper.

Clarke's thighs clench around her waist as she works her thumb back and forth on her clit, inserting two digits into her without warning.

“Holy fuck, Lexa!” exhales Clarke, eyelids fluttering, and Lexa smirks, kissing her.

She moves her hand with more intensity, fingers curling every now and then, as her palm grinds into the girl's clit. Clarke whimpers under her touch, occasionally biting on her lip or muffling herself into Lexa's neck. Lexa's motions grow harder and quicker until Clarke finally unravels before her, reaching her climax with a moan that sends a jolt of heat through Lexa's core.

Lexa rolls to the side, the ghost of a lazy smile playing on her lips. She tucks a loose strand of golden hair behind Clarke's ear, as the girl's eyes are still hazy with pleasure.

“You're, like, really good at that.” mutters Clarke with an amazed look and a dreamy smile.

“You're not so bad either.” replies Lexa, running a thumb on the girl's lips.

“I'm glad I met you.”

Lexa nods softly, remaining silent. _Me too. I really like you._

She can't help but find it immensely cute when Clarke closes her eyes, and a few minutes later, her breath becomes steady and relaxed. Lexa presses a light kiss on Clarke's forehead, and drifts as well into sleep within moments.

 

\---

 

Clarke wakes up with the pleasant warmth of a body against hers. She smiles. She didn't even notice that she has been falling asleep, which according to her experience, is a pretty good thing. It means that the sex was great, and, yep, it really was.

And it appears that Lexa does have experience with girls. Clarke wasn't expecting such confidence and skills, but well, she certainly wasn't complaining. Lexa's hands were precise and bold and she knew what to do in all the right moments, stroking her in all the right places.

Clarke shifts on the bed imperceptibly, but that's enough to wake Lexa up.

“Hey.” says Lexa, her big, expressive green eyes full of softness and care.

“Hey.” repeats Clarke, smiling. “I think we fell asleep.”

“We did.” nods Lexa, and her absent, amazed expression informs Clarke that she's not talking just about the sleeping part.

Clarke sits up and laughs, taking in the sight of their clothes shattered all around the bedroom.

“Damn, that's messy.”

Lexa wraps her arms around her waist and kisses her neck.

“Hey, do you want to watch a movie before you head back to your friends?” she suggests, gesturing at her laptop on the bedside table.

Clarke knows this is not what she should do, because the lines of their relationship are blurrier than ever. Lunch, champagne, jazz, a nap, and now a movie? This all awfully sounds like a couple attitude, and this was not at all supposed to be a date. Besides, they slept for almost an hour and, if she lingers here for two more hours, she'll never get back to her friends at the time she said she would.

“Sure, what do you have?” she answers before she even knows it.

“The Taxi Driver DVD.” Lexa replies, her face lighting up.

“I'd love that.”

They slip under the sheets while Lexa launches the DVD, settling the laptop on her knees. Clarke scoots closer to get a good view, and it is very naturally that they end up cuddling.

And it feels right, it doesn't feel weird or awkward. As she watches the movie, half of Clarke's mind is busy worrying. What is she doing? She keeps telling herself that she's got the situation under control, but it's not entirely true. This is the last time, she promises herself. The next time, Clarke won't stay for a nap or dinner or a movie or any form of cuddling.

Her resolution melts a little when Lexa's arm drapes around her, pulling her closer, her skin so soft and so warm.

 

\---

 

She tries to sneak into the house unnoticed, and she's positive she succeeded until she enters her bedroom, where Octavia and Raven are, of course, dutifully waiting for her, Octavia braiding Raven's hair. As they notice her presence, they quit chatting and turn to her.

“What the hell took you so long?” asks Octavia, raising an eyebrow.

Raven's face breaks into a large grin.

“Ohh, I think I know the answer to that question.”

Clarke rolls her eyes and throws herself on her bed, laying on her back.

“Sorry, we were watching a movie.”

Octavia sits up.

“Well, don't leave us hanging, tell us what happened.”

“In excruciating detail.” adds Raven.

“No, maybe not.” grimaces Octavia. “But still, Griffin, spill it out.”

Clarke locks her hands behind her neck and tries to swallow back the smile that wants to take over her face.

“So, it was... amazing, actually.”

She recalls the excellent food and the delightful sounds of the music, and the sweet, intoxicating scent of Lexa's perfume.

“Meaning?” presses Raven.

“She cooked some fancy French lunch, or was it Italian? Anyway, it was great. And we drank champagne, too.”

She doesn't miss the concerned glance her friends exchange.

“What is it?” she frowns.

“Nothing.” denies Raven. “Go on.”

“She played some piano and then we danced to music. Jazz. Really beautiful. Then, well, we... You know. We fell asleep a little after that. When we woke up, she suggested a movie, and that sounded good, so, I agreed.”

Octavia starts rubbing her chin pensively, while Raven stares at her with an odd expression on her face.

“Okay, what's wrong?” she insists.

“I thought you were not going to get involved in a romantic relationship with a girl you're only seeing for a summer.” says Octavia.

“And I'm not.” protests Clarke. “Seriously, girls, don't worry, I've got this. No strings attached.”

“Oh, please, this was _totally_ a date.” interrupts Raven.

Clarke props herself up on an elbow, staring at her friends.

“It wasn't.” she insists. “It didn't mean anything.”

Okay, deep down she knows that's not entirely true, but it's not completely false either.

“Alright then.” replies Octavia, crossing her arms. “Then tell me what was the favorite part of your not-a-date. The classy lunch with champagne, the old-fashioned dance, the sex or the movie cuddling?”

Clarke never mentioned the cuddling part, but there's no point in denying it now. And, well, Octavia's question is a really tricky one. If she's sticking with her plan, she should pick out the sex. And yes, it was really, really great. But she also enjoyed every other minute of her time with Lexa. She had a wonderful time, and that's because this is more than a casual hook-up. There are sparks flying when she's with Lexa, an electrifying feeling and a sense of excitement that's not only related to the flesh.

“That's what I thought.” concludes Octavia when Clarke remains silent a little too long.

“I've got this.” repeats Clarke stubbornly.

“Whatever you say.” shrugs Raven. “So, was your girlfriend in the closet or not?”

Clarke glares at her.

“She's not my girlfriend.” A small smile plays on her lips. “And, well, no. Clearly, that was not her first experience with girls.”

Octavia sneaks up to her side and hugs her.

“Uh, what's that for?” asks Clarke, puzzled, muffled by Octavia's hair.

“Just be careful, Clarke, okay?”

Her worry is genuine and Clarke doesn't answer. She simply nods.

“Come on.” suggests Raven. “Bellamy said he's going to drive around the town to find a kebab. It's either that or Murphy will be cooking a soup with the remaining vegetables in the fridge. And it will not be said that Raven Reyes backed down from a junk food hunt.”

Clarke laughs and follows her with Octavia.


	7. What we are

Sitting down on the couch, reading a Capote novella, Lexa is startled by the sound of a key unlocking the door.

“Hey, Lex!” calls Anya.

Lexa closes her book and gets up, ready to greet Anya's colleague on her best behavior. The man that enters the house on her friend's heels in young, roughly about Anya's age, and he is broad of shoulders with an impressive set of biceps. He is also very good-looking, with a shaved head and a pair of alert eyes.

“It is nice to meet you, I am Lexa.” she says, moving forward to shake his hand.

“Lincoln. I'm pleased too, Anya's told me so much about you.” he answers in a calm voice, holding Lexa's hand in a vigorous and firm grip.

Lexa already likes him, and the way his whole body exhales quietness and confidence.

Anya claps her hands together and clears her throat.

“It's time Lexa and I get to work at the restaurant. You can take your time to unpack and take a tour around the neighborhood or whatever, we won't be back until past 1am.”

“No problem.” nods Lincoln. “Thanks again for inviting me here.”

“It's a pleasure.” says Lexa, grabbing her jacket to leave.

She follows Anya outside and the two girls decide to walk to the restaurant. Lexa tucks her hands into her pockets, silent as her steps echo faintly in the quiet street.

“He seems very nice.” she says when they are out of ear's range of the house.

Anya nods.

“He is, you will see.”

As the silence stretches, Lexa braces herself for the question that will undoubtedly follow.

“What did you do today?” asks Anya finally, and, under her piercing gaze, Lexa can't find it in her to lie.

“I spent some time with Clarke.”

Lexa is tense and it shows, the muscles of her neck strained. Anya always finds a way to get the truth out of her.

Anya messes her hair affectionately and Lexa frowns, trying to free herself.

“Get off of me.” she grunts.

“Well done, baby girl.” replies Anya, but there is a dry, ominous edge to her voice that informs Lexa that she doesn't exactly approve.

“Don't call me that.”

Anya throws a devilish smile at her.

“So how was it?”

Lexa's eyebrows raise so high that she's afraid they might fall off of her face.

“If you know anything about me at all, then you are aware that I am not going to dignify this with an answer.”

“It'll take that as an 'amazing' then.”

Lexa rolls her eyes, because she can't really deny that.

“You know what my guess is? You pulled off something great for her, like maybe classy music or wine or something like that.” Anya's expression sobers up, until there is a grim light dancing in her eyes. “My guess is that she stayed with you far longer than necessary.”

“And how would you know that?” retorts Lexa defiantly.

“Because I know you, Lexa.”

She doesn't answer.

“And I know how this story goes.” adds Anya. “You'll see her again. A lot. You will say that you are not dating her, but everything about it will feel like a real relationship. And you will get invested emotionally way too much for your own good. Five weeks, is it? Five weeks is a long time. It's enough to fall in love, especially when you have a special connection with someone. And then the summer will end and your heart will be broken.”

Lexa clenches her jaw, hard.

“You can not possibly foresee the future, Anya. No one can.” she says between gritted teeth.

“Regardless”, continues Anya, merciless, “you should be careful. I don't want to have to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart when it's over, just like I did after Costia.”

Anya has gone too far, and Lexa stops walking, stiffening.

“I will always be there for you. But I would appreciate it if you could stop putting you into relationships that tend to destruct you.” finishes Anya, her voice softening a bit.

After a moment, Lexa nods.

“I can take care of myself.” she answers eventually.

She resumes walking and neither of the girls pronounce another word about it.

 

\---

 

Octavia whistles appreciatively.

“Mayday, mayday, captain, we have a sex-symbol situation at three o'clock!” she whispers between her cupped hands, as if she was talking through a microphone.

Raven giggles and glances in said direction.

“Him? Are you seriously hitting on a guy who looks about as broody as Clarke's girlfriend?”

Octavia ignores Clarke's angry scoff and smooths her hair.

“Why not? Works for Clarke, she's been looking like she's day-dreaming since she came back from her date.” She corrects herself quickly. “Or whatever she thinks it was. Anyway, she's got that look in her eyes that screams 'I had amazing sex' and I have nothing against that. That guy's hot, period.”

Bellamy lets out a heavy sigh.

“Okay girls, can we talk about anything else than my sister's and Clarke's sex life? This makes me so uncomfortable.”

“I feel you.” nods Raven, patting his shoulder. “Wanna talk about mine?”

Bellamy rolls his eyes and pointedly looks at anything but the three girls beside him. They found a kebab and are idly standing in the back of the room, waiting for their order.

Clarke bites on her lip, while she tunes out the babbling of her friends and Octavia's not-so-subtle winks at the poor young man across the room. The more she thinks about it, the more she realizes the amount of truth in her friends' opinion.

It's only a date if you let it be a date, that's her motto. It's only dating if you want it to mean something. So, technically, it wasn't a date.

However, if Clarke compares it to the dates she's ever been on in her life, she has to admit, this was high-quality material. Good lunch? Check, that's a solid tradition for dates. Champagne? Check, she had it before on a date, on several occasions. Jazz? Check, once or twice. Piano playing? No, but hey, that's hardly her fault if she never dated pianists. Movie? Check.

All of these elements at once? No. Nobody ever overwhelmed Clarke so much in just a handful of hours. Lexa had made her feel like she was the only person in the world that mattered, she had set her heart and skin ablaze, and while it lasted, Clarke couldn't think about anything or anyone else than Lexa.

Right now, she wishes they had met under different circumstances, in a place where they could have built something more durable. Clarke blinks, trying to chase away those thoughts. Dreaming about what could be does not help in any way. She just has to keep her feelings at bay. Otherwise, she might seriously get hurt.

Her phone vibrates in her pocket, and Clarke can't help but smile when she checks it.

_Lexa – 7:43 pm : Did you get back home safely?_

_Clarke – 7:44 pm : I did :) aren't you supposed to be working?_

_Lexa – 7:45 pm : There aren't many customers tonight. I have time to check my phone here and there._

_Lexa – 7:45 pm : I will always have time for you anyway._

Something catches in Clarke's throat. She feels ridiculously happy and really doesn't want to complain about Lexa's incredible cuteness. But. Shouldn't she?

_Clarke – 7:47 pm : Wanna hang at the beach tomorrow morning? The guys usually don't wake up until noon, so I could use a distraction._

_Lexa – 7:48 pm : Are you calling me a distraction, Clarke?_

_Clarke – 7:49 pm : Don't feel offended, you're a hell of a distraction. You have a way of taking my mind off of everything ;)_

_Lexa – 7:50 pm : I'm happy to help! Okay, I'm going back to work now. See you at 9am tomorrow at our spot?_

_Clarke – 7:51 pm : Can't wait!_

 

\---

 

At nine in the morning, the beach is empty. Lexa arrived early, and she's waiting for Clarke on a large towel splayed out on the sand. She sees her coming from afar, in a blue dress, a silhouette crowned by a mass of curly golden hair.

“Hey there, pretty girl.” says Clarke with a wink, tossing her bag on the sand.

Lexa rolls her eyes.

“Now you sound like a jerk trying to pick me up on the street.”

“Is it working?” smiles Clarke, leaning down in front of her to plant a soft kiss on her lips.

Lexa slides a hand behind her neck to pull her closer, and Clarke moves to straddle her lap, slender fingers caressing Lexa's arms.

“Totally not.” whispers Lexa against the girl's lips.

Clarke giggles and starts fumbling with her dress, taking it off somewhat clumsily.

“That... That's better.” comments Lexa absentmindedly.

“I want to swim for a bit, if that's okay with you.” she explains, looking for something in her bag. “It's still early in the morning so the weather's actually nice, not so stuffy yet, and the water looks damn good to me.”

“Yes, of course.” nods Lexa. “But, uh, I... it's silly, because I knew we were coming to the beach, and I actually forgot a bathing suit.”

“Oh, wow, that's a debutant mistake, darling.” Clarke triumphantly brandishes her suncream. “Found it! You're wearing underwear though, right?”

Not waiting for an answer, Clarke leans in and slips a hand under Lexa's shirt.

“I do, as you can notice.” Lexa breathes out, eyes wide.

“Well, that'll work just fine.”

Clarke pulls back and starts opening her suncream tube. Lexa puts her hand on hers to stop her.

“I can do that for you.” she suggests, motioning for Clarke to give her the cream.

With a smile, Clarke obliges and pulls her hair up, so that her shoulders are naked. Lexa squeezes the tube and delicately starts rubbing some of its content on Clarke's body.

“You're shivering.” notices Lexa, as her fingers find her way around Clarke's stomach.

“That's because of you.” answers Clarke, and for a moment Lexa finds herself completely lost into her eyes.

They are a stunning dark blue and shining with brightness and intelligence, sparkling like a sky full of stars. And Clarke's features, that Lexa has learned to scrutinize for any expression of her mood or feelings, are so beautiful in the morning sun that she's drinking it in like it's the most perfect masterpiece she ever laid eyes on. And Lexa thinks it probably is. Clarke is art, she's perfection and imperfection at once, she's deeply human and good and _Clarke,_ she's a princess that everyone should adore.

“I know, I'm amazing at massages.” is all she manages to say, not betraying her thoughts.

Clarke cups her face in her hands and kisses her gently, as Lexa finishes rubbing suncream on Clarke's legs. (Which she tries not to think too much about, because she really really wants to linger here and maybe engage in some other activities involving even less clothing.)

“You want me to do you?” asks Clarke with her intense look that turns Lexa into jelly.

“What?”

“Suncream, Lexa.” precises Clarke with a giggle, holding the tube.

“Right.” Lexa rolls her eyes, hiding her embarrassment.

She takes off her own clothes and bites on her lip while Clarke starts touching her bare skin, trying to contain the moan that wants to escape her.

“You're doing that again.”

“Doing what?” Lexa raises an eyebrow.

“Holding back, when something feels good.”

“I'm... not.” blushes Lexa.

“Not entirely”, admits Clarke, “but you're not the loudest person either. You know, with me, you could, like, give in. Let go. Feel.”

Lexa searches Clarke's face but she can't seem to find anything beside the girl's usual kindness and enthusiasm. She doesn't quite seem to realize what exactly she just said, how her words hold far more meaning that she probably intended to give them.

“I already do.”

Lexa lowers her head, not daring to face Clarke, but then again, the other girl doesn't seem to notice the double meaning of that admission.

“Okay, I finished.” says Clarke with a last brush of her fingers on Lexa's arm. “Come on, let's swim.”

She jumps on her feet and holds out her hand to Lexa, who just looks at her for a second, before taking it.

“Yes, let's do that.”

 

\---

 

Ten days go by, and it feels like a dream to Clarke. Everything is all kinds of perfect.

Jasper and Maya ended up sorting out their feelings, and, though it's still discreet, are indeed together. Nobody exactly knows when it began, but sometimes they hold hands or steal each other a kiss, and Octavia hasn't stopped swooning about how cute they are. Clarke noticed that Maya looks way happier now, and it warms her heart. Jasper changed too, in a good way. All his jokes and clown attitude was really just a mask, covering a serious lack of self-confidence, and now he seems more relaxed, and his humor evolved into something less pushy and more genuine.

Monty and Bellamy are spending most of their time discussing movies, philosophy or tech stuff, that Clarke doesn't always understand, but she hangs out with these two a lot. They aren't exactly laughing and having fun 24/7, but the conversations are deep and passionate, and Clarke loves bonding with her friends on an intellectual level.

But the more interesting development, by far, is the improbable friendship growing between Raven and Murphy. During high school years, the two of them spent their time hating each other, and it would have never occurred to Clarke that they would end up this close. Of course, they are still bickering all the time, but, even if they wouldn't admit it, they both enjoy it a lot. Murphy tries to teach Raven how to cook healthy food, and Raven attempts to make him discover the benefits of not being broody. Sometimes, Clarke and Octavia think they should just bring popcorn and watch them argue, because listening to them is better than reality shows.

As for Octavia, she found out that the guy she was hitting on at the restaurant actually is a colleague of Anya, the one that is staying at Anya's place for the summer. (Which provoked a heavy eyeroll from Clarke and an unstoppable laugh from Raven, because “Dude, are the three of us really gonna screw the three of them?”) And Octavia is subtle about her sex life, but Clarke could bet she is now sleeping with Lincoln – who happens to be a great guy, so Clarke doesn't push her to admit anything. However, she could swear that the last time she went to visit Lexa, she spotted Octavia's jacket in the living room.

And, Lexa. Clarke has to admit, it has been a long, really long time since she found someone she feels that comfortable with. They can talk about anything, for hours, and never get bored. Her conversation is the most fascinating thing in the world, it is stimulating and thrilling and Clarke admires Lexa's strength and determination. She exudes power and class in the purest of forms, she is imperial and it only makes her more attractive. And Clarke has to say, Lexa already has plenty of attractiveness and beauty.

She has about a hundred drawings of the girl in her sketchbook now. Her strong jaw, her well-defined arms, her toned body, her gorgeous figure. Her hair, pulled up in intricate braids or loose on her shoulders, her lips, who occasionally tug upwards into a soft smile, her high cheekbones and the curve of her eyebrows. However, Clarke always ends up spending an eternity on her eyes, trying to capture their eerie perfection, green and big and so expressive, windows opened directly on Lexa's soul.

Laying on her bed, arms locked behind her head, Clarke finds herself thinking about Lexa a lot. It's like her brain is a looping reel, and it's stuck on that girl irrepressibly. Her soft yet firm touch, her warm skin, the way her breath catches during pleasure, the tenderness of her embrace...

“Are you with me, Griffin?”

Clarke blinks.

“Snap out of it, Clarke. I'm talking to you.”

She sighs, glowering at the girl laying on the bed at the other side of the room.

“I can hear you, Raven. What is it?”

“I'm just worried about you is all.”

Clarke raises an eyebrow. She must have heard that wrong.

“What did you just say? Raven Reyes worried?”

Raven moves to sit up.

“I'm serious. I'm done beating around the bush.”

Clarke mirrors her position, crossing her arms uncertainly.

“Ookay... I'm all ears.”

“Something's off with you. You seem, I don't know, weird. Like, absent. Hazy.”

Suddenly relieved, Clarke bursts into a laugh.

“Are you kidding? Everything's perfect, like, really. Dude, don't scare me like that, I thought something bad happened.”

“Define perfect.” replies Raven within a split second.

“Uh... Summer, weather, friends, Lexa? I don't know, Raven, what kind of question is that?”

Raven points her finger at her.

“Okay. Define Lexa.”

Clarke opens her mouth and closes it, twice.

“She's... We're...” She sighs. “Raven, we've been over this. I told you and Octavia to stop worrying.”

“Clarke, I can't, I'm your friend, remember? Friends worry about each other. Especially when they are falling for someone and the relationship is fucking hopeless. That thing with you, the weirdness? That's because I'm right, and you know it.”

Vaguely annoyed, Clarke feels anger building up inside of her.

“Raven, first of all, that's none of your business. And then, I am not falling for her, okay? I am perfectly capable to turn around right now and leave and never see her again. I can deal with it. It's been barely two damn weeks. If we stop this now, I won't be hurt.”

“Alright, then do it.” answers Raven firmly.

“Excuse me?”

“Do it. Stop it, whatever it is. Do it now before it's too late. If it's not too late.”

This time, Clarke stands up, and she's furious.

“I have zero reason to do that, okay? It's fine, _I'm_ fine, and it makes me happy, so can you please shut the fuck up about this and let me enjoy my holidays?”

Raven raises her hands in sign of peace, but Clarke is already storming out of the room, shutting the door roughly behind her.

“Ohh, what's going on?” asks Octavia, sitting in the middle of the corridor with Jasper and Maya playing cards.

“Raven.” says Clarke between gritted teeth, trying to keep her rage at bay.

“She talked to you then? Did you listen to her?”

Clarke stares at Octavia blankly and shakes her head with a joyless laugh.

“You're with her on this? _Gods,_ I can't believe you two.”

She whips around and goes for Murphy and Bellamy's room, where she knows she won't be judged.

 

\---

 

It's half past three in the morning, and Lexa is fast asleep. Or she was, before her phone starts to buzz relentlessly.

“Crap. Did I forget to turn you off?” she mumbles, reaching for it.

She's about to decline the call when she sees the name displayed on the screen, and suddenly she's far more awake.

“Clarke? Are you okay?” she asks, her voice still clouded with sleep.

“ _Did I wake you up?”_

The voice on the other end of the line is full of concern, and it makes Lexa smile.

“Of course not, I'm always awake in the middle of the night. I was just watering the strawberries in the garden.”

“ _You're an idiot.”_ Clarke lets out a laugh and it's the most beautiful sound in the world.

“So, what's going on?” Lexa slips a hand under her pillow, and she knows something is up when Clarke sighs.

“ _I... I just had an argument with Raven. And Octavia, kind of.”_

“At 3 am?”

“ _No. It was a few hours ago, but I was just doodling on my sketchbook downstairs.”_

“You should sleep.” says Lexa softly, and she knows better than to ask what the argument was about. It is not her place to ask, she doesn't want to be intrusive, and frankly she just wants Clarke to be okay.

“ _I know. I just needed to talk to someone, you know?”_

“I know.” Lexa pauses for a second. “Hey, you're Raven's roommate though.”

“ _Thanks for reminding me. I think I'm gonna crash on the couch for tonight.”_

“No way.” Lexa shakes her head, even though Clarke can't see her. “I'm coming to get you. It will be more comfortable for you if you sleep over.”

“ _Trying to get me into your bed again?”_

Lexa rolls her eyes at Clarke's playfulness, even when she clearly feels sad.

“I'm serious. Don't go anywhere, I'm taking Anya's car. I'll be there in a few minutes.”

“ _Okay.”_ replies Clarke after a beat.

Lexa hangs up and throws on an oversized shirt – the Star Wars one, her favorite – and heads downstairs quietly.

She grabs Anya's keys on the counter kitchen and jumps into the car a few seconds later. Of course, the streets are desert, so it doesn't take long for her to reach Clarke's place.

The girl is waiting for her under the porch, hands tucked into the pockets of her pajama shorts, head down. As soon as she spots Lexa, she climbs into the passenger seat, wordless.

Lexa nods to her and drives back home. Neither of them says anything, they don't need to. The silence feels safe and comfortable, and she senses somehow that Clarke needs the quietness and the peace.

The silence stretches until they're in the house, and Lexa softly closes the front door behind them. With a tilt of her head, she motions for Clarke to head upstairs to her bedroom.

It isn't until they are safely locked into Lexa's bedroom that Clarke finally speaks.

“Thank you.” she simply says.

Lexa moves to hug her tightly, feeling the blonde girl melt into her embrace.

“Of course.” she whispers.

They slip under the covers and Clarke's hand brushes against Lexa's side.

“We argued about you.” she reveals, her fingers sending shivers up and down Lexa's body.

“I hope it's okay.” Lexa worries. She wouldn't want to be the cause of any tensions between Clarke and her friends.

“It is going to be, eventually. They just... They don't get it.”

Lexa remains silent for a long time, and takes Clarke's hand, intertwining their fingers, caressing her palm with her thumb.

“They don't get what?”

“Us.” answers Clarke in a breath.

Blood pounds at Lexa's ears. _No. This can't be happening._ She's lost, and she doesn't know why. She doesn't know what bothers her, and what doesn't. She doesn't know what she wants.

How did it all get so complicated? _Around the time you started to have feelings for her._

Her thumb stills. Oh, no.

It's the first time it actually hits her, and it hits her hard. She's in love with Clarke Griffin.

Lexa lets out a sharp breath. _I'm doomed._

“What about us?” she whispers.

Clarke shifts besides her, and Lexa turns on her side to fully look at her. Her eyes glimmer in the dark, and Lexa can't fully make out the outline of her face, or her features. But she doesn't need to. She knows Clarke's face by heart, down to every freckle.

Clarke brings her hand to Lexa's face and pulls her in, and they kiss like they never kissed before. It is gentle and it is passionate, it's soft and hot, it's everything both of them need.

Lexa moves atop of her, a hand resting on the pillow to prop her up, her other hand exploring Clarke's body underneath her shirt.

Lexa wants Clarke. She wants her now, wants to rediscover every inch of her skin, she wants to worship her like never before, and express the full intensity of what she is feeling. She wants her really badly, like she probably never wanted anyone. Even Costia. But that was a different time, a different place, a different story.

However, right now she wants an answer to her question, and it's that irrepressible need that forces her to stop, and she rests her forehead against Clarke's. She knows that she doesn't need to repeat the question. That Clarke heard it, and she will answer.

“I don't know.” admits Clarke.

She moves closer to Lexa and buries her head in her shoulder, draping an arm around Lexa's waist.

“I don't know.” she repeats, and her voice is about as weak as Lexa's legs. “I'm just feeling good with you, you know? I just... I just like that thing we have. I think... I think I like you. A little bit.”

Lexa shuts her eyes and tries to gather her thoughts to put them into order.

She's so, so screwed. She's completely lost, but she's certain of two things. In less than four weeks, Clarke is leaving and they may never see each other again. And the other thing is that she is completely and hopelessly in love with her.

But she would have plenty of time to worry about that in the morning, and all the mornings after that for four weeks. For now, she is safe in the timeless bubble of her bed, in the dead of the night, and she's with Clarke.

So she pulls Clarke closer and caresses her cheek.

“It's going to be alright.” she whispers. “You need to sleep now.”

Clarke nods softly and Lexa can almost feel her falling asleep, her breathing steadier. She must have been exhausted.

Lexa stays awake for about another half hour. She just stares into space, in the dark, where she knows Clarke is.

“I love you.” she says quietly.

But Clarke's breathing is even, she's fast asleep and Lexa knows she couldn't have heard.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again so much for the support, you guys are so awesome! And thanks for trusting me, I know where this is going :)


	8. Breaking point

“Oh my. Oh yes, there, right there, _oh..”_

Clarke shuts her eyes as a breathy whimper escapes her, and she's still lost in another dimension when Lexa crawls back up the length of her body, dropping soft kisses on her way.

“You're amazing.” she manages to whisper, shifting to lay her head on Lexa's chest.

Lexa lets out a small chuckle.

“You're just saying that because I just gave you one hell of an orgasm.”

“That”, admits Clarke, running her fingertips on Lexa's tattoo, “and you actually are amazing. You answered my call at half past three in the night, got up and took me home with you. I don't know how you do it, but, everything you do is exactly what I need.”

Clarke feels Lexa nod slowly.

“I don't like to see you sad. I thought that maybe I could help.”

“You helped a great deal. Thank you.”

Clarke moves to kiss her, softly taking her time. When she pulls back, Lexa's eyes are wide and looking at her with fondness, like an infinite green sea glimmering with a thousand emotions. Are her eyes always that expressive? Clarke doesn't know if they ever were that intense, but they sure took her breath away every time. Although, this particular morning, she feels that maybe something has changed in the way Lexa looks at her. But she doesn't manage to fathom what it is.

“I think I need to head back now.” she says, after staring a little too long at the other girl.

“I can give you a ride.” offers Lexa, propping herself up on one elbow.

Clarke shakes her head.

“No, I'll walk. You've already done more than enough.”

“Okay.”

Clarke loves the way that Lexa doesn't insist, how she always remains respectful and never pushes her into anything. She loves the way Lexa listens to her carefully, how every word she pronounces is perfectly balanced and precise, always purposeful and wise. She loves the way Lexa looks when she wakes up in the morning, eyelids heavy and hair wild, how her slender body shifts like a panther every time she moves. Clarke probably thinks she loves everything about Lexa.

But she doesn't really pay attention to these thoughts, pushing them back deep into her head as soon as they occur to her. Because it's a small step to another admission, and Clarke doesn't want to even consider _it._

Lexa kisses her one last time, languidly, before Clarke jumps off the bed and starts dressing up.

“Enjoying the view?” she asks, raising an eyebrow when she realizes she's being stared at.

“Maybe.” Lexa shrugs.

“What, just maybe?” Clarke pretends to be offended, letting her jaw fall open.

“I have seen better.” replies Lexa with a smirk.

Clarke leans onto the bed and messes with Lexa's hair to annoy her.

“No you haven't, you jackass.”

Lexa grabs her wrists and pulls her down, capturing Clarke's lips into a searing kiss.

“You're right, I haven't.” she mumbles, and Clarke is not sure what to make of that, because nothing in Lexa's voice indicates that she's joking.

She scratches her head awkwardly, taking an imperceptible step away from the bed.

“So, I'm going to go. Don't get up, I'll walk myself out. Thanks again for being an awesome...”

She stops, having no idea where she was going with that sentence.

“...girl.” she settles lamely. “Anyways! See you soon.”

She drops one last kiss on Lexa's cheek and almost flees out of the room.

When she's in the street, she takes a long gulp of air, as if she had been holding her breath for minutes. She doesn't exactly know why. Her heart is beating abnormally too fast as well. Clarke decides not to study why this is happening. Some things are better ignored. Right?

The way back to her house is both excruciatingly long and eerily short. Her mind feels like a blurry mess, but Clarke tries to focus on simple things, instead of letting it wandering wildly.

She enters the house quietly, and Raven immediately comes up to her to hug her tightly, crushing her into her arms.

Clarke stiffens for a few moments, before she finally relaxes and taps Raven's back.

“It's okay.” she says, her chin resting on her friend's shoulder.

“I'm sorry.”

Raven's apology sounds genuine and her concern is so real that Clarke can't find it in her to resent her anymore.

“Let's just... not talk about it anymore.” she suggests.

Raven pulls back, nods and smiles at her. Her smile, unlike her usual smirks or grins, is a fragile, wavering thing, and Clarke understands at this moment how much their argument bothered her.

“I hate it when we fight.” Raven sighs, echoing Clarke's thoughts.

“Yeah, me too.”

After one last, brief hug, the girls climb up the stairs to join their friends.

As promised, the subject of Lexa isn't brought up anymore that day.

 

\---

 

It's almost five in the afternoon when Lexa realizes she's been staring at the same page of her book for a tremendous amount of time. Her mind is somewhere else, busy thinking about Clarke.

She sighs heavily and shuts her book, giving up on reading. And it's annoying, really, because Lexa loves to read, especially during the summer holidays, and that novel from Françoise Sagan was a classic she had wanted to read for a long time now.

But right now, Lexa is head over heels for Clarke, she's in shock of that realization, and it makes her really unproductive. She tried gardening earlier, only to realize she was comparing the color of daffodils with Clarke's hair – and of course, Clarke's hair is way prettier.

Lincoln and Anya are playing chess in the living room, and Lexa knows they won't be finished for at least another half hour. The three of them have a little competition going on, which shall be won by the first person who reaches ten victories. Up until this afternoon, Lexa was way ahead of them, but for some reason – Clarke, of course – she had been really distracted and got crushed by Anya in a matter of minutes.

Since she can't seem to do anything without thinking relentlessly about the blonde girl, Lexa decides to stop trying. She picks up her phone and dials Clarke's number, while cursing herself for being so, so whipped.

“ _Hey you!”_ Clarke answers almost immediately, provoking Lexa to smile irresistibly.

“How are you? Is everything okay with Raven?”

“ _I'm... okay, I guess. But Raven and I, we're good. She apologized.”_

Lexa nods, forgetting that Clarke can't see her.

“ _Is there any particular reason you're calling me?”_

Lexa actually considers admitting the truth. _I can't stop thinking about you._

“Just wanted to make sure you were fine. And by the way, you completely avoided answering that question.”

Clarke chuckles nervously.

“ _You don't miss any details, do you? Actually, I don't feel so good. My, uh, uterus is killing me.”_

“I see.” laughs Lexa. “Worst time of the month, isn't it?”

“ _Yeah, it sucks. Fell upon me like two hours ago. It's not like I'm planning on having a baby anytime soon, so I'd love it if I could just skip it every month.”_

“I skip it on purpose sometimes, thanks to the pill.”

Lexa can almost hear Clarke's disapproval.

“ _ You know you shouldn't mess with your internal biology, right, Lexa? Your body needs regularity.” _

“ Not that I am uncomfortable with that subject, but can we not talk about our period?” 

“ _Sorry.”_ replies Clarke on an amused tone. “ _ How's it going with the chess contest?” _

“I lost a game to Anya.” grunts Lexa. “She's been bragging about it for hours.”

“ _That's a shame.”_

“ Yes, well, don't worry, I will get my revenge.” Lexa's heart feels light as a feather when she hears Clarke's melodious laugh through the phone. “So, I'm not working tonight, and Anya and Lincoln are going to a casino a few miles away. And since I'm underage and I can't go with them, would you like to keep me company and come have dinner with me?”

There's a moment of silence.

“ _ Lexa, you know that I can't... Not for a few days. Right?” _

Something stirs in Lexa's chest, and she feels  mildly offended.

“Of course, hey, that's not... That's not what I meant. I'm just talking about a dinner, maybe a movie.”

She hears Clarke's hesitation almost as much as it hurts her.

“ _ We're not... We 're not dating, Lexa.” _

“I'm aware, Clarke.” Lexa snaps at her a little too dryly. “So what, I'm supposed to completely stop talking to you for a few days, until you call me back to have sex again? We may not be...  _ dating,  _ but that's pretty cold.”

“ _ I'm sorry, I just...” _

“ No, I'm sorry.” sighs Lexa, noticing how disoriented Clarke sounds. “I didn't mean to snap at you. I just thought... We can still hang out, you know? Spend some time together. As friends.”

Those two last words almost rip her heart out, but she feels like she needs to say it, for Clarke.

“ _Yeah.”_ replies Clarke finally. “ _ Of course, I'll come.” _

“Okay.” Lexa tries to ignores the uneasy feeling settling in her chest. “See you later, then.”

“ _ Lexa, wait. I'm really...”  _ Clarke's voice trails away.

“ Yes?”

“ _Nothing. I'll come in two or three hours, okay?”_

“ Alright. Bye.”

When Lexa hangs up, she feels like her chest is constrict ing tightly around her heart, squeezing it unpleasantly. Some weird sensation of sadness is hovering over her, but at least she knows where that comes from.

She just really wishes there was more to her relationship with Clarke than just sex, and that they would stop disguising their undeniable chemistry and compatibility into a friendship that really wasn't a genuine one.  Lexa is tired of playing games. Maybe it is time to stop the masquerade.

 

\---

 

 

“I'm going to Lexa's tonight.” Clarke says to Octavia, while she's laying on her bed, flat on her stomach. She found out that it's less painful that way.

Octavia is braiding Raven's hair, and, to her credit, she doesn't show her surprise by stopping her motions.

“I thought you were... indisposed.” she just remarks, eyes still riveted on Raven's hair.

Clarke studies Raven's profile, who isn't facing her. She doesn't look too happy, but she doesn't say anything.

“We're having dinner.” explains Clarke.

Clarke braces herself for a lecture that never comes. Her friends, true to their words, don't try to intervene.

“With Anya and Lincoln?” asks Raven instead, deftly changing the subject.

“No, they're away tonight.” Octavia shakes her head.

Raven almost jumps and shifts on the bed to face her.

“And you know that how?”

“Stop moving, I'm trying to achieve something with your hair there.” scolds Octavia.

Raven grins triumphantly.

“I knew it. You can't hide anything from me, Blake. So, you and Lincoln, uh?”

Octavia only rolls her eyes in response.

“Don't tell Bellamy. You know how he gets all overprotective.”

“Like with that guy Atom.” remembers Clarke. “Didn't Bell punch him in the face?”

“He did.” sighs Octavia. “After that, every boy was too scared to even consider being my boyfriend. It went on for months.”

“I love that story.” smirks Raven. “That was seriously too funny.”

“Yeah, well I felt like I was living in an Orwell novel. 'Big Brother is watching you.' He doesn't mean to annoy me, but yeah, the less he knows about Lincoln, the better off we'll be.”

Clarke stretches and jumps off of the bed.

“Well, I better get ready. I need to go very soon.”

“What are you wearing?” asks Octavia, eying her up and down. “And don't tell me you're going to wear those awful jogging pants. I know you're in pain, sweetheart, but have a little self-respect.”

Clarke rolls her eyes. Octavia always is a little picky about clothes.

“I'm going for blue jeans then.” she shrugs, fumbling with the clothes still packed in her suitcase. Needless to say, it is an epic mess. Every piece of clothes is unfolded and more than a few items escaped her suitcase to invade the bedroom floor.

She grabs her jeans and retreats into the bathroom to get prepared. As she does, she can't help but think about that odd phone conversation with Lexa. It had escalated quickly, full of untold tension, but Clarke could feel that something was off.

She decides not to overthink it, relying on her ability to decipher Lexa's behavior when they are together. Because she's sure that once they will see each other, everything will be perfectly fine. It always is. They talk, they laugh, they understand each other's needs in a heartbeat, they fit, both mentally and physically, like two pieces of a complex puzzle. It's amazing, really, how well they get along.

Humming along some pop song, Clarke arranges her hair and steps out of the room. She's ready to go.

 

\---

 

“What about history? It's a wonderful class. I remember that teacher I had back in...”

Clarke quickly shuts Lexa up with a kiss.

“Don't.” she whispers. “Don't tell me where you're from. It would... it would only take you away from me. Right now I am with you here, and you are with me, that's all that matters.”

Lexa presses her lips together and nods reluctantly after a moment.

They are sitting on the couch, while music plays in the background. Dinner was delicious, and Clarke congratulated Lexa about her awesome cooking skills. As always, they talked and talked and never got bored. When they finished eating, they settled on the couch with a bottle of wine and didn't move since.

Their conversation is fluid and Clarke often gets lost into Lexa's green eyes, but she doesn't mind, since she could swear she saw the brunette zone out a few times as well. It's as if a mysterious force is drawing them together, like magnets, utterly and irresistibly. Sometimes, they smile for no particular reason, just staring at the other with lips tugged upwards. And sometimes, one of them pauses the conversation to kiss the other, just because they can't really help it. All the while, they hold hands, caressing each other's palms with their fingers, maintaining permanent physical contact.

“So,” Clarke continues to break the awkward silence, “what about that teacher?”

Lexa opens her mouth to speak but bites her lip instead, letting go of Clarke's hands, folding hers in her lap. Clarke immediately misses her, and her brow furrows. Something was wrong.

“Clarke, can we talk?” asks Lexa slowly.

Of course, Clarke knows what she means by that, but she refuses to admit it just yet. She wants to hold onto their fabulous connection longer. It's too soon. Clarke doesn't feel ready.

“I don't know what you mean,” she deflects, “we've been talking for hours.” She smiles tentatively. “Or were you too mesmerized by my amazing face to even notice?” she jokes.

But Lexa shakes her head, and Clarke's chest tightens.

“That is not what I was implying.”

“What do you want to talk about then?”

Lexa stares at her with an indecipherable expression. Clarke knows that she is in denial and that the other girl knows is perfectly well too.

“I mean, can we talk about... about the elephant in the room?” precises Lexa after a moment.

Clarke's heart skips a beat. Her palms have grown slightly sweaty in the last few seconds, and she wipes her hands on her jeans as she waits, paralyzed, for Lexa to keep on talking.

“Do not play dumb again, it doesn't suit you.” sighs Lexa as Clarke is visibly looking for a humorous reply.

“Fair enough.” decides Clarke, crossing her arms. “What is there to say?”

She sounds mildly aggressive and she regrets it immediately, but it is her defense mechanism, and she can't exactly help it.

“This, Clarke,” Lexa gestures at them, “is more than you care to admit. More than both of us initially wished it would be.”

“It is what we decide to make of it.” answers Clarke, mouth dry, heart pounding nervously. “It doesn't have to be more. It shouldn't be more.”

“However, it is.” insists Lexa. “It is convenient for neither of us, trust me, but it is, and if I dare to say, it always was more than a casual hook-up. From the very beginning, on some level, we both knew it would be something else entirely.”

Clarke shifts on the couch, avoiding direct eye contact.

“I disagree. We both knew what we were getting into.” She gains courage, and stares at Lexa in the eye. “We were very clear about that, Lexa. We are not dating. We always agreed about it.”

A muscle twitches on Lexa's jaw, and if not for the circumstances, Clarke would find it extremely attractive.

“Would you mind explaining to me what about... _all of our relationship_ does not feel like dating to you?” Lexa snaps back, a hint of exasperation in her voice.

“The mere fact that we said we weren't in a real relationship.” exposes Clarke without hesitation.

Lexa stares at the ceiling for a few seconds, trying to keep her breath on a normal rhythm.

“I did agree to that.” she admits, her eyes settling on Clarke, soft and expressive. “But I was lying to myself all along, and I agreed because I needed to be close to you, no matter what the terms were. I realize now that we did this the wrong way.”

A pang of hurt flashes across Clarke's face.

“You think what we did is wrong?”

“I just think we started this relationship backwards. We had sex before we realized we cared about each other, before we admittedly dated, before we even got to know each other on an intimate level. I don't even know where you live, and you don't even know my last name.”

Lexa's voice raised a little high at the end of her sentence, and she runs a hand through her hair, trying to regain her composure.

“My life is in perfect order. I always wanted it that way. I have discipline. I barely leave room for the unexpected. Everything happens to me according to my plans, my schedule.” she explains. “But you burst into my life unannounced and I got lost in your smile, in your laugh. You're unpredictable and yet I feel safe with you, knowing you is exciting and it makes me feel more alive than before.”

Her voice becomes steadier as her eyes are riveted on Clarke's, who is astounded by so much honesty, so much truth. Lexa's words are vibrant and every single one of them reaches Clarke's heart like a piercing and precise arrow.

“You are the most interesting person I have met in a long time. And you can deny it all you want, you know that there is more to us than sex and a vague friendship. We have _it,_ that little thing, that sparkle that makes a relationship special. So now, Clarke, look at me in the eye, and tell me, what do you think we are?”

Clarke takes her time to answer. She knows her reply will be crucial, and Lexa is looking at her with so much intensity it takes her breath away. But her resolution doesn't waver – it can't, she just can't – and she finally speaks up.

“You are an extremely attractive person, Lexa. And I don't mean on just a physical level, even though there's a lot of that too.” she begins, trying not to see the emotions in Lexa's eyes. “You're right, there is indeed something special. But we chose to make of it what we made of it, that is to say, something suited to our expectations and needs. I will be gone soon, and we may not see each other ever again. I don't know what we are, but I am having a great time with you.”

She struggles to find her words, as Lexa waits for her to finish.

“I will keep a great memory of this summer, of this outstandingly smart and beautiful girl I met there. You are right, we didn't just have sex, we didn't just merely got along. This is something more, something powerful. But I can't, I just _can't_ date you. I want to live it fully as long as we can, I want to talk to you and touch you and...”

“And then what?” interrupts Lexa calmly. “What will happen when your time here is over?”

“Then I will leave.”

Lexa nods slowly, shocked.

“And you won't feel a thing?”

“I am not saying that. But we will get over it. It's not that big of a deal, as you said, we barely know each other.” says softly Clarke.

“You're lying to yourself.” replies Lexa with assurance. Her stare is hard, full of hurt and care at once.

Clarke breathes out sharply.

“I'm sorry.” she says. “This is all I can give you.”

A silence settles upon them, stretching for what feels like minutes.

“It is not enough.” decides simply Lexa, standing up.

Clarke imitates her, chest tightening. She knows she had it coming, but she can feel a lump in her throat and knots forming in her stomach.

“Then what? It's over?”

“I'm sorry, Clarke.” answers Lexa with outstanding calm. “I can not do this with you anymore. This is not a game I am willing to keep playing.”

Clarke clenches her jaw, trying to keep tears at bay.

“I should leave then. Goodnight Lexa.” she whispers, whipping around to grab her jacket.

Lexa doesn't even look at her as she storms out of the house.

 

On the way back to her house, Clarke realizes that she feels terrible. Tears run down her cheeks, and it upsets her, because she shouldn't be crying. After all, she was the one who just insisted on keeping it casual.

But if they weren't together, then why does this feel so much like a breakup? Clarke hates it, the way her insides squirm and her heart aches, as if Lexa and her actually were an item.

They were not. Not a couple, not friends, rather something in between. Nothing worth crying for. Right?

After all, it's not as if feelings were involved. Lexa never specifically said she had feelings, not strong, real ones. And Clarke, despite her current state of sadness, doesn't either. No no no, she does not.

At that moment, her phone buzzes in her pocket. She checks it and, as she sees it's Raven calling her, she picks up.

“ _Hey you!”_ says Raven with an excited voice. “ _Where are you?”_

“I'm coming home right now. What's up?” asks Clarke. “You don't usually call me.”

“ _Anya just called me. I think she's drunk somewhere with Lincoln, but anyway, she had this amazing idea, you're going to love it.”_

Clarke internally cringes, because anything to do with Anya doesn't sound much appealing to her, especially now that Lexa and her are over.

“Shoot.” she sighs nonetheless, not wanting to ruin her friend's mood by telling her the news now.

“ _So apparently there's this music festival happening in_ _four_ _days, about fifty miles away from here. Lots of good stuff, jazz, rock, pop, indie, and much more._ _It's two nights, so we would camp there. Anyway, she booked tickets for us.”_

“Okay, who is 'us', Raven?” asks Clarke tersely.

“ _Her, Lincoln, Lexa, you, Octavia, me. Like a triple forty-eight-hours long date. Isn't that awesome?”_

Clarke internally curses. This actually is the worst thing that could happen.

“You do whatever you like.” she answers diplomatically. “I am going to stay there with Bellamy and Jasper and the others. We came here to hang out with _our_ friends, after all.”

At the end of the line, Raven laughs.

“ _I said that too, actually. But we talked to the others about it, and they're interested too. So we will all go together. We just bought the tickets and booked the camping. Damn, we're all excited here. Can you believe it? We are all going to a music festival together. Oh, and by the way, you get to share a tent with Lexa. Isn't that great?”_

“It's... amazing.” replies Clarke slowly, eyes shut.

Before she can add anything, Raven hangs up with a giggle and a cheerful “ _okay, see you in a few!”._

Had it been the day before, Clarke would have been thrilled by the idea. But right now, this festival doesn't seem like a good plan. And since everyone is going, she can't really back up now.

More importantly, she doesn't want to ruin the general mood. The holidays are supposed to be a happy time, and she doesn't want her friends to worry about her instead of enjoying themselves. But she doesn't know how she can spend two whole days with Lexa without them figuring out that something is wrong.

Ironically, it is then that she gets proof one more time of how much Lexa and her are alike. Her phone buzzes again, as she receives a text from the girl who just – kind of – broke up with her.

_Lexa – 12:24pm : Anya just called me. Apparently we all are going to a festival together. They sound quite thrilled about it, so I would rather us not kill the mood. Can we pretend for their sake that we are fine, just until the festival is finished?_

_Lexa – 12:25pm : Otherwise they will worry and act concerned and I do not want that._

Clarke doesn't hesitate before answering.

_Clarke – 12:26pm : I thought so too. No problem. We're supposed to sleep together though, will that be okay?_

_Lexa – 12:27pm : I think I can handle sharing a tent with you without any physical contact. Thanks for your concern._

Clarke feels a little hurt by Lexa's dry response.

_Clarke – 12:28pm : I was just checking you'd be okay_

_Lexa – 12:29pm :”I'll get over it. We barely know each other after all”_

_Clarke – 12:30pm : Don't quote me, you know what I meant. I don't mean to hurt you_

She's almost arrived at the house when Lexa answers, and Clarke can feel a bitterness that wasn't going to wear off for hours after that.

_Lexa – 12:39pm : If you can pretend not to care about me, I can pretend that I am okay with it for a few more days. But after that, I think I'll need to never see you again._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the love, you guys are the best! The next chapter with all of them going to the festival and the Clarke&Lexa pretend relationship is going to be really fun to write. I'll update as soon as I can!


	9. The festival (1)

If Lexa is good at anything, it's hiding things from the world. She puts on her mask, stern and austere, protecting herself from everything, protecting herself from her feelings. She keeps her head high, her jaw clenched, and she looks untouchable. She looks like a queen, she feels in command.

She only has one problem, and it's Anya. Because Anya is basically the one who taught her how to handle things that way. Anya can see right through her.

And right now, Lexa needs to hide something huge from her, so she keeps avoiding Anya, knowing very well that it's a rather tough mission. It's as if she was trying to hide an elephant behind her back, and she feels like she's failing remarkably.

Breaking up with Clarke – well, kind of – was harder than expected. Lexa knew she had the strength to do it, but she had no idea the aftermath would be so rough. Those four days have been hell. Every time she thinks of the beautiful blonde girl, she's on the verge of tears, and her heart feels like it's crushed, shattered into a million pieces, ripped apart from her body, her ribcage wide open.

To deal with it, Lexa takes long walks, alone, wandering around for hours, desperately trying to get over it. And it should work, right? She has only known Clarke for a couple weeks, for heaven's sake. Only, it doesn't. Every time, she feels worse than before. She comes home with a fake smile plastered on her face and tells Anya she was with Clarke. She doesn't know if Anya buys it, but at least she doesn't question it.

As far as she knows, Clarke must be doing the same on her side. As a matter of fact, Octavia and Raven, who have been spending far too much time at Anya's house, never mentioned that Clarke was unhappy. According to them, she's as merry as ever. And it hurts Lexa, because Clarke can't really be feeling so well. Nobody is that good at pretending. Right?

“Lexa. We're leaving in half an hour, and you didn't start packing. Are you alright?”

Lincoln's head appears in the doorway of her bedroom, and Lexa offers him a smile to wipe off the concern of his face.

“Oh, yes, sorry. I was just texting Clarke.” Lexa gestures at her phone, part of her wishing that it wasn't a lie. She never talked to Clarke again since that message she sent the blonde girl four days ago.

And the lack of their connection is almost killing her.

“Well, you'd better hurry then, it's past noon already. We need to be early to mount the tents and get a good spot on the camping.”

Lexa jumps off the bed and starts packing with a nod, apprehension tightening her throat. She has no idea how she's going to get through these two days. And those two nights.

When she went to warn her boss at the restaurant that she was taking two nights off of work, she almost dropped to her knees, crying and begging him not to let her go. But Lexa never, ever shows signs of weakness, so she kept it all inside of her. And all of her emotions are boiling, accumulating, threatening to take over her.

She stuffs shorts into a duffel bag, as well as a couple of shirts, her Star Wars shirt for the night, underwear, a toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo and soap. She adds a few more items she thinks will be necessary on a two-days-long camping trip and sighs.

“I'm good to go.” she announces loud enough for Anya and Lincoln to hear her.

She then joins them downstairs and tries to look thrilled.

“Hey, baby, you look like crap.” Anya greets her sternly, eyes mercifully scanning her.

“Yes, I have trouble sleeping.” eludes Lexa. “And this whole festival thing is really exciting, so, it doesn't help either.”

The idea of the festival did give her a few sleepless hours, but not for those exact reasons.

“You still look hot though.” shrugs Anya, winking at her. “Clarke's going to dig you even more in this pair of shorts. And I like the sleeveless shirt too.”

Lexa rolls her eyes, trying to pretend to be vaguely amused.

“The weather is bound to be outstanding. I am merely dressing accordingly.”

Lexa drops her bag on the floor and sits onto the couch, concealing her hands below her thighs, afraid her sweaty palms would give away her growing nervosity.

“When are we leaving?” she asks.

“Clarke didn't tell you?” Anya raises an eyebrow at her. “Octavia's taking forever to pack clothes. And Murphy and Bellamy are having trouble fitting all the tents in the trunks.”

“I didn't know you and Raven got that close.” remarks Lexa, noticing Anya's frequent glances at her phone.

“Yeah, whatever. She's cool.”

Her tone indicates that the subject is closed, so Lexa doesn't insist. Anya can be very secretive, and, unlike Lexa, she's doing well at hiding things.

The three of them settle into a comfortable silence, broke minutes later by Lincoln.

“Ah, it's time! They're ready. Let's go.”

Lexa stands up, following her friends to the car with an awful sense of dread twisting her guts.

“Don't you want to ride with Clarke?” asks Anya, as Lexa buckles her seatbelt. “We've got two hours on the road ahead of us.”

“I will be fine. After all, we will be spending more than two days together.”

Anya nods, and Lexa presses her lips together. She rarely felt so stressed out.

When Bellamy and Raven's cars, packed with people and tents and bags, appear in the street, Anya starts the engine to lead the way. Lexa catches a glimpse of blonde hair, and promptly looks away, trying to focus on the road. As the procession of three cars leaves the town, Lexa shuts her eyes.

These are going to be a tough couple of days.

 

\---

 

In spite of her alarming state of stress, Clarke can't help but smile at her friends' excitation. They look like happy children, babbling and chatting away.

“We're here!” announces Octavia uselessly.

“Considering the thousand of people walking around us and the huge amount of tents in this field, I think we noticed, O'.”

“No need to be snarky, Griffin.” Raven says with a wink. “Let Octavia be excited about sleeping two nights with her boyfriend.”

“Who said anything about sleep?” smirks Octavia.

“Gross.” mutters Clarke.

She earns a slap from Octavia.

“Rich coming from you. I don't think you'll let Lexa get much rest.”

“If only you knew.” replies Clarke with an enigmatic smile.

When Raven parks her car next to Anya's and Bellamy's, Clarke can feel her heart dropping in her stomach. She gets out of the car slowly, counting on the general excitation to avoid to greet Lexa.

Everyone immediately starts unloading the trunks of the cars, in a hurry to settle down on their camping spot. Clarke is about to help, but then she sees Lexa, and her brain freezes.

It hits her right in the face how much she has missed her in those four days, how much she has been lacking her beautiful eyes, her splendid figure, her slender body. If possible, Lexa has grown even more gorgeous. Her hair is arranged into braids, falling on her shoulders with grace, as she looks as imperial as ever. However, Clarke doesn't miss the way shadows underline her eyes, betraying a serious lack of sleep, or sadness, or maybe both. Her heart constricts at the thought, and guilt takes over her in a split second.

Lexa lays eyes on her, and Clarke can't move, she doesn't even remember how to think, let alone how to speak. What is she supposed to do anyway? Kiss her? She knows that's what she's expected to do, but it doesn't feel right.

“Enough eye-fucking.” groans Raven, stumbling under the weight of a particularly heavy bag full of booze. “Come help us. The faster we get these tents up and ready, the faster you can actually screw, so move.”

More than glad to comply, Clarke grabs as much bags as she can and busies herself with preparing the camp, tearing her gaze away from Lexa.

The camping, if it can called be that, consists into hundreds of tents thrown with absolutely no organization into an immense field covered by wild grass freshly mowed for the occasion. It is a complete mess, and a multitude of young people are running around, excited about the festival, not the slightly bit bothered by the utter disorder of it all.

“Okay, we're looking for a free spot big enough to fit five tents.” says Bellamy. “Preferably a round space, so that we can organize our tents into a circle, with a bonfire in the middle.”

“Found it!” announces Jasper, and he runs to get to said place.

It's the perfect emplacement. Soon, they manage to bring all of their bags on it, and start pitching the tents.

It's the moment Clarke feared. Jasper and Maya are sharing one, Octavia and Lincoln another, Raven is rooming with Anya, and Murphy, Monty and Bellamy are teaming up together.

Lexa awkwardly shuffles towards her, hands clutching the folded tent, eyes staring at the floor.

“Hey.” she says lowly, as no one is paying attention to them anymore.

“Hey.” smiles Clarke tentatively. “Shall we... Shall we set up that tent?”

Lexa nods, and opens the bag, focusing on how to proceed.

“You look tired.” mumbles Clarke. She doesn't know why she feels this irrepressible need to talk to Lexa, to be close to her.

“You too.” Lexa replies ever so quietly.

It's true. Clarke has been awake most of the night before, and the nights before that too. And it does have to do with Lexa.

Clarke doesn't answer, and they start mounting the tent. It's clumsy, and trickier than it looks, and soon they get into awkward positions, actually chuckling at the ridiculous of the situation. Around them, the others encounter the same problems.

But then, Clarke trips and stumbles onto Lexa, who has to let go of the tent to help Clarke keep her balance. Clarke's breath catches when suddenly she's into Lexa's arms, as the fabric of the tent collapses on them, hiding them from everyone else.

“Can we do this?” asks Clarke, scanning Lexa's face, desperate to find any emotions on her features. But Lexa just stands there, stiff and cold, and unreachable.

“We need to.” answers Lexa slowly. “Everyone is having a good time. We are not taking that away from them.”

She lets go of Clarke, letting her arms fall on her sides. Clarke shivers. She realizes now how much she wants Lexa to hold her.

“We need to establish boundaries.” she decides then. “In order to be convincing. What are you willing to show the others?”

“What are you guys doing under that tent?” yells Octavia from a few meters away. “Don't be gross, okay?”

Lexa rolls her eyes and shrugs the fallen tent off of them. Clarke blushes when she realizes everyone is looking at them, and they resume setting up the tent.

“Alright.” whispers Lexa while they busy themselves with the tent awkwardly. “You can touch me, and you can hold me. I am going to look at you as if you were the light illuminating my day. I am basically going to pretend to be a hopeless teenager with a desperate crush on you.”

Clarke starts to nod when Lexa laughs joylessly.

“Oh, but wait, I don't have to pretend.”

“Lexa”, sighs Clarke, “I really, really am...”

“Don't say anything.” cuts Lexa between gritted teeth. “It's bad enough that you're not honest to yourself, so you should just avoid lying to me too.”

Clarke's heart sinks.

“I'm not pretending. Everything I said was true. I like you, Lexa, but not as a potential lover. I'm sorry.” she says low enough that nobody can hear.

Lexa acts like she didn't hear, and she smiles with relief when they finally finish setting up the tent.

“There, it's done.” she announces proudly, before turning to Clarke. “You're not very convincing saying that, Clarke. You may fool yourself, but I know you.”

“Lexa, we're going to spend two whole days together.” snaps Clarke, upset. “Don't get on my nerves, alright? Let's handle this like mature people. We only need to pretend to be together for two days. It's not that hard.”

Lexa surprises her by pulling her by the waist, before cupping her face between her hands.

“What are you doing?” breathes out Clarke, eyes wide, suddenly intoxicated with Lexa's perfume.

“Let's find out if I'm as good at pretending as you are.” replies Lexa, her gaze digging into Clarke's soul.

She leans in and drops a soft kiss on the corner of Clarke's mouth, and then pulls back.

“I'm going to fetch our blanket, it's still in the trunk, _babe_.” announces Lexa loudly, before turning away with a wink.

Clarke's legs feel like jelly.

 

\---

 

Clarke doesn't want to admit the truth about her feelings? Fine. Lexa isn't the slightest bit hurt by that. Nope. However, she will stand by her decision to cease any contact with Clarke after the festival.

Until then, she needs to pull off the greatest act of her life. Act like everything is fine, like Clarke and her are fine.

It's now four in the afternoon, and the sun is burning high in the sky. The festival won't start before six, and until then, the merry group is gathered at their improvised 'bonfire place', at the center of the circle formed by their tents. Raven – unsurprisingly – just pulled a couple of bottles out of her bag, and is waving them around with an irksome grin.

“What's better than a music festival with friends?” she asks rhetorically. “A music festival with friends and booze. A little drink always gets me in the mood to dance and enjoy the concerts even more.”

Around them, a huge majority of the campers apparently think the same, and everywhere she looks Lexa sees countless red cups full of alcohol. She wrinkles her nose in disapproval. She doesn't exactly see the point of going to a concert if you're not going to remember every detail of it, or in a foggy way.

“Bring it on.” smirks Anya, and Lexa rolls her eyes. Sometimes it's a complete mystery why Anya and her are so close.

Clarke comes back at this instant from the bathroom, looking desperately good in a pair of shorts and a blue shirt. She awkwardly looks for a place to sit, and her gaze falls upon Lexa expectantly.

Understanding, Lexa pats the grass in front of her, gesturing for the blonde girl to come sit between her legs. Totally not a big deal.

“You guys are too cute.” smiles Maya, nestled into Jasper's arms, as Clarke leans into Lexa, her back flushed against Lexa's chest.

Lexa sheepishly smiles back at her, and wraps her arms around Clarke. Just to get into character, of course, not because she wants to. Duh.

“I'd say we're doing good.” she whispers into Clarke's ear discreetly, giving them an air of complicity.

She really doesn't let her breath tickle Clarke, nor does she let her lips brush against her skin. Well, not on purpose, of course.

She can't help but feel satisfied when she notices a shiver agitate Clarke for a second. Her heart feels too small for her chest too, but she was expecting it. Lexa is in love with Clarke. And this whole pretending thing doesn't exactly help her get over it.

Lexa observes their small assembly with attention. What a strange group they form, so full of diversity, yet going along quite good. Of course, Anya and Lincoln are mostly talking to each other, and occasionally to Bellamy, but Raven and Octavia are doing their best to include them into the general conversations. Lexa notices that Octavia and Lincoln actually came out as a couple – she's not quite sure how Bellamy feels about that – but that Raven and Anya keep their distances.

She just really wishes that holding Clarke's body like she's doing now was genuine, she wants it to be spontaneous, like it was a week ago, not some stupid act.

“So, Lexa, how are you?”

Snapping out of her thoughts, Lexa turns to Murphy. He has a smirk on his face that she doesn't like too well.

“I am good, thanks. What about you, excited about the festival?”

“Yeah, I think it's going to be... interesting.”

His eyes are glowing with something Lexa can't fathom, and she wonders if somehow he knows. If he does, she hopes he can keep his mouth shut.

“What are you referring too?” she tries to ask, but her last words get lost in her throat when Clarke delicately places her hands on Lexa's legs, caressing her knees gently. And, oh, does it feel good.

“I think Murphy is talking about the concerts.” answers Clarke in his place, and her tone sounds like a death threat. Lexa doesn't have to see her face to know she is giving Murphy her most terrifying glare.

“Right, the concerts.” replies Murphy, unafraid. “But I was also talking about the wonders of social relationships, you know. I can always say when something feels off.” He leans closer to them and his voice drops. “Something is up with you too. I'm gonna find out what it is.”

He gives them a last smile and turns to speak to Monty.

Clarke shifts in Lexa's arm, so that she can look at her.

“He's smart.” she explains low enough so that no one else can hear, looking concerned. “We need to be better than him.”

“If he can see something, we're not convincing enough.” states Lexa.

She hesitates, before opening her mouth again.

“Clarke, honestly, do you not want to be doing this? If you're really uncomfortable, we should just drop it.”

“No.” Clarke shakes her head immediately. “I'm good. But only if you are too.”

“I am.” nods Lexa. “Really.”

Clarke smiles – and it's a real smile, that melts Lexa's heart a bit more – and she gives Lexa's knees a squeeze.

“Let's step up our game then.”

 

\---

 

Clarke is way too sober for this. So she asks Raven to fill her cup with something strong, and she downs it in minutes. Liquid courage will help her get through the night.

And it works, already she feels bolder and she gets hold of Lexa's hand, intertwining their fingers. She ignores the curious sensation buzzing in her stomach, and attempts to drown it in another drink.

An hour or so and a few drinks later, Clarke is actually enjoying herself, and she thinks Lexa is too. The whole group is currently passionately arguing about whether or not social media is a good thing for society, and everyone participates.

“Time to go to the festival, kids!” Anya jumps on her feet, cutting the conversation short. “We can pick this discussion later.”

Cheering, everyone follows. Clarke stands up and offers Lexa her hand, pulling the girl up. She stumbles slightly and laughs.

“You should stop drinking.” frowns Lexa. “If you get drunk, who knows what you're going to do.”

She is adorable when she's concerned, so Clarke gives her a quick kiss on the lips. Lexa's eyes widen at that.

“Afraid I'll blow our cover?” Clarke winks. “Come on, Lexa, stop worrying and start having fun. This is a festival, and we're with our friends. I say let's enjoy ourselves.”

Lexa nods with a shy smile and looks down at their laced hands.

“Okay, let's go, cutie.” says Clarke, pulling her by the hand and following their friends, who already started walking towards the festival. The first concert has started, and they can hear the bass vibrate through the air, hundreds meters away from the stage.

“Who is playing again?” asks Lexa. “Anya's usually the one who listens to nowadays music. I'm kind of stuck on jazz and crooners.”

“Jamie xx is headlining tonight. There is also Gossip, Fyfe, Selah Sue and Miles Kane.” enumerates Clarke. “You'll love them.”

They pass the barriers and enter the festival, immediately lost in the crowd.

“Crap. Do you see the others?” frowns Clarke. “I can't see them.”

Lexa's grip on Clarke's hand goes firmer.

“Don't let go of me. We will find them together.” says the brunette girl, and the late afternoon sun is making her look absolutely stunning, her green eyes glimmering in the light.

Clarke nods and lets Lexa lead her through the crowd.

“You look like you know your way around here.” she screams to cover the noise of the music.

“Anya drags me here almost every year.” explains Lexa. “We have a meeting point in case we get lost, right under that tree over there.”

“I didn't know that. I thought this was your first time here.” she answers, mildly surprised.

“Yes, well, we haven't been talking since we learned we were going.” replies Lexa calmly.

Clarke suddenly tugs on her hand to stop her. And yes, maybe the alcohol got a little to her head, but she feels like she needs to say something.

“I'm sorry. I wish it didn't happen like this.”

In all honesty, she doesn't even know what exactly she is referring to.

Lexa turns to her and stares into Clarke's eyes for a moment, drinking her in, undecipherable.

“Forget about it for tonight, Clarke.” she finally replies. “Let's have fun.”

Clarke's smile is warm and genuine and when Lexa mirrors it, butterflies spread in the pit of Clarke's stomach. She feels a lot lighter.

When they arrive under the big tree, Anya and all the others are indeed here, waiting for them.

“Nice meeting point.” appreciates Octavia, who is about as excited as a little child the day before Christmas.

“Yes, it's convenient.” agrees Bellamy. “We could have never found you otherwise, in that crowd.”

“Let's get closer to the stage.” suggests Anya. “I want to dance.”

The ten of them make their way through the crowd, which is getting denser as they approach the stage. Lincoln and Bellamy lead the way, using their elbows a little bit. They stop about ten meters away from the stage, where a local rock band is warming up the public.

Clarke notices that Lexa didn't let go of her hand. Murphy seems to buy it, and he doesn't insist anymore on finding out whatever they are hiding. Clarke is relieved. Murphy can be really clairvoyant and pushy sometimes.

As the concert goes on, Clarke realizes three things, that make her feel incredibly happy and light. First, she's drunk, and it helps her get over the awkwardness between Lexa and her. Secondly, everyone is having a good time, laughing, dancing, and Anya and Lincoln actually mesh well with the others. And then, Lexa is lighting up more and more every minute, smiling, talking with the others, enjoying herself.

And when she holds Clarke's hand or drapes an arm around her shoulders or drops a kiss on her cheek, it makes Clarke feel more intoxicated than any alcohol could. Clarke could almost forget that it's just an act.

 

\---

 

Dancing with Clarke is hard. It's like having a doughnut in front of you when you haven't eaten all day, and not being able to eat it.

The evening went pretty well, and Lexa can say that, in spite of the situation, she is having a really good time. Well, up until now.

It's past midnight and it's the last concert of the night. The guy performing, Jamie xx, is actually really talented, even though it's not the sort of music Lexa usually listens to. It is the main act of the night, so the crowd got even thicker, forcing people to be touching each other. Lexa's right shoulder is bumping against Lincoln's, while Jasper is standing on her left side. Lexa wouldn't mind, but then Clarke is in front of her, and it does kind of drive her crazy.

The blonde girl reached behind her back to grab Lexa's hands and firmly put them on her hips. That would also be alright if said hips weren't swaying with a level of sexiness that should be illegal. Lexa has to stop herself from staring too hard at Clarke's back, at the sensual movements of her waist, the delicate curve of her neck. It's very hot in there, but her mouth is dry as hell and she knows it's not only because of the ambient temperature.

The artist onstage announces that he's about to play his last song, and the crowd explodes in cheers. Clarke leans back until her body is flushed against Lexa's and twists her neck to talk into her ear.

“How did you like it?” she asks, her breath tickling Lexa's skin.

“How did I like... what?” Lexa swallows, lost.

“The concert.” winks Clarke. Frowning, Lexa notices that she's not exactly sober. Which is weird, because they left the camping hours ago. The effect of her drinks back then should have worn off by now.

“Did you drink? How? We're not supposed to bring alcohol onto the festival ground.”

Clarke giggles and points her finger at Anya, who looks also quite drunk, happily chatting with Raven. Lexa moves to get closer to her friend.

“Anya, what did you give to Clarke?” she hisses, out of concern.

Anya shrugs.

“I might have hidden a flask or two in my clothes.”

“Or three.” smirks Raven.

“Relax, baby girl. A little drink isn't going to kill her. She's having fun.”

Lexa nods and returns to Clarke, mildly annoyed. She hopes that Clarke isn't going to do anything stupid, like revealing the truth about them, or stumble and fall and hurt herself.

A few minutes later, the concert ends and the music stops, and the noisy crowd slowly starts to dissipate.

“It's a twenty-minutes-long walk to the camping.” says Bellamy to her. “Want to spent it talking with me?”

“It would be my pleasure.” Lexa nods.

She lets go of Clarke's hand and starts walking with Bellamy, leading the group.

He is a very interesting person to talk to, as she already noticed before. He is mature and intelligent, and he deeply cares about his friends.

“I know this is not my place”, he says after a while, “but I wanted to talk to you about Clarke.”

“What about her?” replies Lexa, her heart skipping a beat.

“I have rarely seen her as happy as these past few weeks. When she talks about you, her face just lights up, and when she sees you, well... I wish someone was looking at me this way.”

“I am sure you will find someone.” she answers to avoid the subject of Clarke. “Don't worry about that, you are a total catch.”

“Thanks. Anyway, about Clarke.” Lexa curses internally. Bellamy's persistent. “I think you should think about moving past... whatever it is that you are doing. You're good for her. Perhaps you should date for real.”

“Gee, thanks for the advice.” answers Lexa with a strangled voice. She almost adds _would you tell her that as well, please?_ “I... will think about it.”

“Cool. Well, we're almost there guys!” he says loudly, turning around towards their group.

Lexa sees him frown and stop.

“Is there something wrong?” she worries.

“Well, Raven, Clarke and Anya are missing.” he grimaces. “You guys, did anybody see them leave?”

Everyone shake their head negatively, and Lexa rolls her eyes. Knowing Anya, she guesses that the three girls have stopped somewhere on the road to finish up their flasks.

“Keep moving, I'm going after them.” she decides. “I'll bring them back to the tents in no time.”

Bellamy nods and ushers the group towards the camping. Lexa turns on her heels and starts walking against the flow of people going away from the festival. The night has fallen, so she can't see much, but she hopes Anya will be at her usual drinking spot.

With an intense sense of relief, she finds the three girls a few minutes later, sitting in the grass on the side of the road, laughing, passing among themselves a flask. Raven is practically sitting on Anya's lap, which, surprisingly, doesn't seem to bother the older girl.

“Why did you just disappear?” Lexa can't help but scold them. “We freaked out a bit.”

“We wanted to finish drinking that.” replies Anya with a devilish smile.

As her gaze falls upon Clarke, Lexa understands that trouble is about to begin. The blonde girl looks completely out of it.

“Heyyy, Lexa, you're there!” she says, excited, holding out her hand.

Not sure what to do, Lexa grabs it, only to be roughly pulled down. She stumbles and falls upon Clarke in the grass, her breath catching.

“I'm sorry, Clarke, are you ok...”

She's cut short by lips crashing on hers, as Clarke locks her arms behind her neck. It is a searing kiss, deep and passionate, and Lexa has to fight back a moan, before breaking it, heart pounding.

“Okay, I think you had enough to drink.” she decides, standing up, pulling Clarke to her feet.

Clarke pouts and wraps her arms around Lexa's waist.

“Or maybe you're the one who's too sober.” She idly plays with the hem of Lexa's shirt, and her fingers quickly find her way to the naked skin. She tilts her head on the side and lowers her voice. “Or perhaps you'd rather do something else than drink. Something just as intoxicating.”

She is looking at Lexa like she wants to eat her alive, and Lexa gulps.

“Alright, guys, let's get back to the camp.” she says, quickly moving away from Clarke. “ _Now._ ” she adds, when she notices Raven and Anya stopped listening to her to make out.

“For God's sake.” she groans, pulling the two girls apart. “You can do whatever you want once you're back in your tent, okay?”

“Aye, aye, commander.” answers Anya, standing up and rolling her eyes.

Raven is giggling softly, eyes shining in the dark, and Lexa is surprised when Anya holds her by the hand.

“Damn, I hate being the sober one.” mumbles Lexa.

“We're not nearly half as drunk as your girlfriend over here.” notices Raven with a wink, and she's completely right.

Clarke can't even walk straight, and Lexa has to hold her by the waist. A proximity she would have gladly avoided, because somehow alcohol seems to make Clarke really horny tonight.

“What are you wearing to sleep?” asks Clarke, and her eyelashes are long and heavy and so mesmerizing Lexa has to look away.

“My Star Wars shirt, and shorts, probably. Why?”

“Too bad. I won't be wearing anything.”

“Oh yes you are.” corrects Lexa quickly. “I plan on it.”

Clarke laughs and lazily runs her fingers up and down Lexa's cheek.

“Nope. No clothes. Not for me.” She licks her bottom lip, staring hard at Lexa. “And neither for you. I plan on it.”

“Try to undress me and I'll send you to sleep in Bellamy, Monty and Murphy's tent.” threatens Lexa with a strangled voice.

“You're not fun.” Clarke sticks out her tongue.

She then decides to stop and sit in the middle of the road.

“Having trouble handling your girl?” snorts Anya.

“Go ahead, I'll catch up with you.” sighs Lexa. “Tell Bellamy that we're coming. I am going to get her straight to bed.”

“Goodnight, Lexa!” smiles Raven, waving.

Lexa waits until they are out of sight and drops to her knees in front of Clarke.

“We need to go to our tent, Clarke.”

“Just you and me?” asks Clarke, her eyes wide and a smirk playing on her lips.

“Yes. Will you come now please?”

“The world is spinning.” grimaces the blonde girl.

In spite of her drunkenness, she looks adorable. Lexa rolls her eyes and turns around.

“Come on, I'll give you a piggy back ride. The camping isn't far.”

Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa's neck and hops on. Lexa stands up, blessing her daily workout routine. Clarke isn't particularly heavy, but she's drunk and thus clumsy.

“Okay. Hang on in there, we'll be at the tent in a few minutes.” she says as she starts walking.

She can feel Clarke nod, and suddenly there are lips ghosting on her cheek, on her jawbone, and her neck.

“Stop it, Clarke.” she whispers as Clarke lazily runs her tongue on Lexa's skin, eliciting a shiver to shoot down Lexa's spine.

“Why?” answers Clarke, and her voice is husky, full of lust. “I want you.”

_Dammit._

“No you don't. You're not thinking straight.” replies Lexa between gritted teeth, because she's slightly turned on as well.

“Of course not. I'm bi.”

Lexa rolls her eyes, even though Clarke can't see her.

“I mean that you're drunk.”

“And? Doesn't change anything.”

“Believe me, it does.” mumbles Lexa.

She's relieved when she enters the camping. Only two more minutes until she reaches their tent.

But then, Clarke complicates it again.

“I wanted you earlier before I even drank.” she whispers, her teeth nipping at Lexa's ear. “And I still do. I want to make love to you.”

Lexa almost drops her. She delicately puts Clarke down on the ground and holds her by the waist, looking at her.

“Please don't say that.” she breathes out.

“I want to make love to you.” repeats Clarke, looking at her straight in the eye. “Because I love you.”

And there it is. A bomb dropped on Lexa, hard and thunderous and changing everything.

“You can't say that.” she replies weakly, but Clarke looks at her with so much certainty it makes her doubt everything. “You probably won't even remember it in the morning.”

“Then you will just have to remind me.” Clarke pulls Lexa closer and kisses her, fully yet gently, and Lexa has to struggle with herself to break it.

“Let's just go to sleep.” she says, shaking her head.

She leads Clarke towards their tent, and when they finally reach it, Clarke almost collapses onto the air mattress.

Lexa leaves her there and knocks on the fabric of the boys' tent, clearing her throat to announce herself.

“Guys? Bellamy?” she whispers.

Bellamy immediately opens the tent, sitting in pajamas shorts.

“Lexa.” he says, relieved. “How is Clarke?”

“She's fine. I just wanted to tell you we're there.”

“I'm glad you did.” he nods. “Goodnight Lexa. And thank you.”

“Goodnight.” she smiles timidly.

When she gets back to her tent, she kicks her shoes off with a sigh of relief and enters it, closing the entrance behind her.

“Oh my goodness.” she breathes out when she sees that Clarke is, true to her word, naked.

Naked, and looking at her like a lioness lurking around her prey.

“Clarke.” she warns. “I'm serious. Put something on or I'm calling Bellamy.”

Pouting, Clarke obliges, putting on underwear. Lexa quickly gets changed into her night t-shirt and quickly slips under the blanket, staying as far away as she can from Clarke.

She stills when she feels the girl straddling her, looking down at her in the dark.

“I am not touching you tonight, Clarke.” she whispers. “Not when you're drunk.”

“Okay.” replies Clarke after a beat.

She leans in and kisses Lexa for a moment, almost chastely, before lying on her side.

“Can you cuddle me though?” she asks, and she sounds so vulnerable and so cute that Lexa can't find it in her to refuse.

“Alright.”

She pulls the girl close to her, hugging her, ignoring the butterflies in her stomach and her aching heart.

“Goodnight Lexa.” says Clarke sleepily.

“Goodnight, Clarke.”

“I love you.”

Lexa hesitates for a moment, before deciding that she has, after all, nothing to lose.

“I love you too.”

She can feel Clarke smile.

“Cool.”

As the silence falls upon them, Lexa wonders – and hopes – if Clarke will remember it in the morning.

She sighs. One day of festival down. One more to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So too much was happening, thus I had to cut the festival in two chapters. I'll update as soon as I can! Thanks for all the comments and kudos and all, you make me really happy every time :) love you!


	10. The festival (2)

The first thing Clarke notices when she wakes up, her major headache set aside, is that she's almost naked. She's not even wearing a bra. Immediately, she feels heat flood her neck and face, and her heart starts pounding.

What the hell?

Lying on the air mattress, she sees that she's alone, and she can see the sunlight peering through the fabric of the tent. She's about to panic, too agitated to try to fully understand the situation, when someone opens the tent.

She covers herself with the blanket and relaxes a little bit when she sees who enters the tent. It's Lexa, hair damp from the shower, holding a cup of coffee in her hand.

Lexa closes the tent behind her and sets on the edge of the mattress, a few feet away from Clarke, sipping her coffee.

“Hey.” she says with a soothing voice. “It's almost noon, but don't worry, not everyone is up yet. Are you feeling okay?”

Clarke carefully sits up, trying to avoid any rash movements that would amplify her headache.

“I've been better.” she replies, voice hoarse.

“The opposite would have been surprising, given the amount of alcohol you must have drunk.”

There is no judgment in Lexa's voice, but Clarke feels awful, and the weight of shame is crushing her.

“You know, I completely trust you,” she begins hesitantly, “but I, uh, really have to ask. Just checking, we didn't...?”

She gestures at her almost naked body and at Lexa's, her throat tightening.

“Of course not.” answers Lexa calmly.

Clarke allows herself to breathe. Flashes of the night start flooding her, as she's finally awake enough to focus on remembering.

“Oh my god.” she grunts, hiding her face in her hands.

She remembers kissing Lexa, more than once, remembers trying to get more of her. At this instant, she feels like crap and is more than grateful for Lexa's decent, respectful behavior.

“Clarke.”

Clarke lets her hands slide down her face. Lexa is staring down at her coffee, but the muscles of her neck are tense, and it's obvious that she's only paying attention to Clarke.

“Is there something you want to say to me?” she asks softly, eyes still riveted on her coffee.

“About what?” Clarke furrows her brow. There are many things that require an apology and an explanation, but she has a sense that Lexa is talking about something specific.

“About something that you told me.”

Her voice is calm and controlled, but the way her jaw clenches gives away her tension. Somehow, Clarke knows that this very moment will have tremendous impact on their relationship. So before she says something that would screw up everything, Clarke takes the time to think.

And then, she remembers. _I love you._ Dumbstruck, she blinks. _Did I really say that?_ At first, she's alarmed, because she should never have said that, it was the alcohol twisting her perceptions. But then, she realizes that it's true. And it has been true for quite some time now.

Clarke never even admitted it to herself, but on some level, she knew. And maybe that's why she acted so cold, because she was too scared of her feelings, to afraid to face what it implies.

But right now, she understands that she can't lie to herself anymore. Nor can she hurt Lexa any longer. Her heart starts beating even faster. It's time to come clean. She decides to try and make things right. Lexa deserves it.

“First thing first.” she finally responds, and Lexa finally lifts her eyes to meet Clarke's, taking her breath away. “I'm so, so sorry. Thank you for taking such good care of me, when all I deserved was a slap in the face.”

“It's okay.” nods Lexa. “You would have done the same for me.”

“I would have, but, no, it's not okay.” Clarke shakes her head, her voice gaining strength. “I acted like a jerk, it was stupid and irresponsible. I didn't respect your feelings. And I have no excuse, but on some level it was caused by the fact that you were confusing me so much.”

“How that?” frowns Lexa.

Clarke clears her throat and runs a hand through her hair.

“Can this discussion wait until I take a shower, a coffee and an aspirin?” she asks, biting her lip. “There are... things that I want to say the right way, and I'm feeling too hangover and dirty to find the appropriate words.”

Lexa immediately starts to exit the tent.

“Of course. I'll prepare coffee for you while you shower. And...” she trails away, looking back at Clarke. “Take all the time you need.”

Clarke nods and watches Lexa disappear outside.

Her heart rate doesn't slow down. She feels incredibly lucky and stressed out at once. This time, she must not screw this up. Clarke is in love with Lexa, completely and hopelessly, and she needs to tell her.

 

\---

 

Lexa starts boiling water for the coffee, sitting in the space between their tents. Bellamy is there, as well as Raven and Anya. With her sunglasses and her wild hair, Anya looks like a rock star, and she's idly picking at her nails while Raven has her head in her lap.

When Clarke comes out of the tent, carrying a towel and her shower products in her arms, Bellamy beams at her.

“Hey princess, how are you?”

Clarke starts smiling back at him when Raven sits up, with a smirk on her face.

“You look like shit.”

“Fuck off, Reyes.” Clarke rolls her eyes. “I'm good, thanks to Lexa. How did you guys sleep?”

Bellamy shrugs.

“You know, it's a camping festival. There are people drinking and yelling at any time of day and night. I guess I slept a few hours.” He pauses. “Plus our tent was next to Anya and Raven's.”

Clarke grimaces.

“Well, you should have brought ear plugs for the noise.”

“Come on”, Raven rolls her eyes. “You're exaggerating.”

“She's really not.” indicates Lexa.

Anya only smirks.

“At least neither of us was passed out drunk last night.” She looks pointedly at Clarke, who averts her eyes.

“I'm going to take a shower.” grunts Clarke, walking away.

Lexa turns to Anya, putting her fists on her hips.

“That was rude. Be kind to her, okay? She's had a rough night.”

“Oh, so now you guys are alright?”

Lexa's jaw hangs open for a second, and she doesn't know what to say. _Of course_ Anya knew they had 'broken up'. Lexa wonders why the hell she thought she could hide something like that from her.

“What are you talking about?” frowns Bellamy.

“Nothing.” Lexa answers hurriedly.

“Why don't you make sure the water doesn't boil, Bellamy? I'm going for a little stroll with Lexa.” Anya decides, standing up.

Lexa follows Anya away from their camp, until they are out of sight. Anya stops and crosses her arms.

“You knew?” Lexa blurts out.

“Are you kidding? I know you better than you know yourself.” Anya rolls her eyes. “Now tell me what the fuck happened.”

Lexa sighs and closes her eyes, ready to confess everything.

“The night you booked the tickets for the festival, Clarke and I stopped seeing each other. But since everyone was so thrilled about going, we decided to pretend to be okay to preserve the general mood.”

“I gathered that.” Anya nods. “And by the way, this was completely stupid. You should have just told me you were over, we could have figured something out. Now I want to know two things. First, why did you end it? And then, you need to tell me what happened last night.”

Lexa grits her teeth together, because Anya already knows why they ended it. She just wants to hear Lexa say that she was right in the first place.

“Things happened as you predicted. I developed feelings.” mutters Lexa. “And I... couldn't bear it. So I told her that I could not keep going like that.”

“Can't say I didn't warn you.”

Lexa glares at her.

“Can you just be a friend to me right now?”

“I always am a friend to you, dumbass.” replies Anya dryly. “I'm just looking out for you.”

“Alright.” pouts Lexa. “So last night, it all changed. Clarke was really drunk, thanks to you, and...”

“Let me stop you right there.” Anya raises a finger. “The girl wanted to get wasted. She got what she wanted. You can't blame me for providing the service.”

“...and she told me that she loved me. Loves. Or whatever. I don't know. We are going to talk about it after her shower.”

Anya scoffs, her eyes hard and unforgiving.

“She's just toying with you.”

“She's not.” Lexa snaps back. “You're saying this because you don't like her.”

“You're right, I don't like her. I think she's not good for you. And I don't think she loves you. She said it because she was wrecked and she wanted to get laid, and she knew it was the only she would get you.”

“Clarke would never do that.” Lexa raises her voice. “You don't know her like I do.”

Anya snaps her fingers in front of Lexa.

“Open your eyes, girl! You're her summer fling. She had fun, and she ran away as soon as you mentioned the word 'feelings'. And now what? She changed her mind? Or maybe she's still attracted to you and she wanted to sleep with you, don't you think that's possible?”

Lexa shakes her head abruptly. No, that's not possible. She refuses to believe it.

“You're wrong about her.”

“And you're blind. Do you realize that she had to get absolutely wasted, to be able to handle your little pretending game last night? She doesn't want this, Lexa. She just wants you, but only as long as you keep your feelings at bay.”

“Stop it.” hisses Lexa, tears stinging her eyes. “Just shut up.”

She tries to turn away and leave, but Anya grabs her arm.

“I'm sorry, but you need to hear this.” her voice has softened a bit. “This isn't serious, Lexa. This is just holidays. You need to accept that after her shower, she's going to tell you that it was just an accident. That she was drunk, that she's sorry, and she didn't mean it. Be prepared.”

Lexa frees herself and rushes away from Anya.

She can't be right about Clarke.

But the thing about Anya is that her judgment is always clear when it comes to Lexa's love life. Up until now, she has always been right. Lexa remembers all those times she cried, because of Costia, wishing that she had listened to Anya.

Clarke is different, though. She sounded so genuine last night, so honest. But then again, she had proven before that she had no problems pretending.

Lexa breathes in and out, deeply and slowly. She doesn't know what to think anymore.

 

\---

 

When Clarke comes back from her shower, she feels fresh and finally fully awake.

“Where's Lexa?” she asks when she notices that Raven, Bellamy and Anya are alone.

“She's taking a walk.” answers Anya sternly, smoking a cigarette.

Clarke frowns. For some reason, Anya always seems pissed off when they talk. Clarke thinks that the older girl doesn't like her, but the feeling is mutual, so she doesn't mind.

Bellamy hands her a cup of coffee.

“Thanks.” she mutters, sitting down next to Raven. “Hey, does anyone have an aspirin?”

“Here.” says Raven as she tosses her a little bottle from her pocket.

Clarke finishes her coffee in silence, thinking about Lexa. At this moment, Octavia and Lincoln emerge from their tent, imitated minutes later by Maya and Jasper, who looks extremely happy. After another half hour, when even Monty and Murphy wake up, Clarke starts to get worried. It has been a while now, and Lexa still isn't back, although she knows Clarke wanted to talk to her.

“Do you know where she went?” she asks to Anya, restlessly twisting her hands.

Anya just shrugs.

“She's free. I don't stalk her.”

Clarke shoots her her best glare.

“Well, I'm going to look for her.” she decides, standing up.

She ignores Anya's irksome smirk and starts walking around the camping, opening her eyes. The whole field is an utter mess, there are tents and people everywhere.

After a while, she finally spots Lexa, who is talking with some girl. Said girl is standing far too close to her for Clarke's liking, and her hands are occasionally touching Lexa's shoulder playfully. And what is up with her constant eyelashes batting anyway?

“You've got to be kidding me.” she whispers for herself as she gets closer.

Clearing her throat, Clarke stops in front of the two girls, a fake smile plastered on her face.

“Hey.” she says.

“Oh, hi.” smiles the unknown girl, tearing her gaze away from Lexa with obvious irritation.

“Hey, I was just walking when I met Echo here, she was just telling me which bands are playing tonight.” informs Lexa calmly.

She's looking at Clarke as if she was a vague acquaintance, someone she doesn't really know. That's weird, and it hurts. Clarke nods curtly, not knowing what to do. Obviously something changed while she was taking a shower. What the hell could that be?

And then Clarke reminds herself Anya's cold smile from earlier, and she comes up with a theory.

“Echo. Pleased to meet you.” lies Clarke, her mind already busy cursing Anya.

“And you are?”

“Her girlfriend.” decides Clarke, slipping her hand into Lexa's and giving it a squeeze.

Clarke can't help but feel intense satisfaction when she sees the look of confusion on Echo's face.

“Oh, I, uh, I had no idea.” says the girl, a bit disappointed.

“Babe, can we go? I'm hungry.” Clarke smiles sheepishly at Lexa, who looks a bit hesitant.

Clarke doesn't wait and tugs on Lexa's hand, walking away fast and dragging the other girl along with her. She leads them at the very opposite of the camping, under a tree.

“Okay, what was that?” she hisses once they're away from the agitation of the thousands of people getting ready for the concerts.

“She was nice.” replies Lexa, freeing her hand from Clarke's.

“Alright.” sighs Clarke. “Did Anya say anything to you? Probably tried to talk shit about me?”

Lexa blinks, looking for something to say.

“How do you...”

“Well, forget it. I don't know what she told you exactly, but _I_ have things to say to you and I would like it very much if you would please listen.”

Lexa nods and crosses her arms, leaning back against the tree.

“I am all ears.”

Clarke takes a deep breath, nervously drumming her fingers against her thighs.

“Okay. I have many things to tell you. First, I am really sorry about...”

Lexa chuckles joylessly.

“Two options there, Clarke. You're either about to repeat that you're sorry about being that drunk last night, or you're going to tell me that you're sorry about what you said because you were drunk. Either way, it's not something I want to hear. So maybe I should just get back to the tent.”

She tucks her hands into her pockets and lowers her head, about to walk away. But Clarke is faster, and she grabs her wrists, pinning her against the tree. Lexa widens her eyes in shock and for a moment they just stay there, staring at each other.

“I thought you said you would listen.” Clarke points out. “And that's not what I was going to say.”

Lexa nods reluctantly.

“Fine. I will listen.”

Clarke lets go of her wrists and cautiously takes a step back.

“I am sorry about how I acted all throughout our relationship. You were right. I wasn't honest to myself, and I was hurting you by pretending neither of us cared about the other.”

She can almost feel tension leaving Lexa's body, as her eyes soften immediately.

“Really?” whispers the girl, and it's so adorable that Clarke wants to hug her tight.

“Yes.” she confirms firmly. “I was an idiot, and a coward. There is so much more about us than what I insisted it was. We both knew it, and it was wrong of me to push you into something you didn't want.”

“I can't say I didn't want it.” Lexa shakes her head. “You didn't push me into anything.”

Biting her lip, Clarke thinks about it for a moment.

“But I was blind. Willfully so. And it's the reason I have been such a jerk: because I _knew_ , and I tried to cover it up desperately. By drinking, or by trying to keep it casual. And that is what I am sorry for.”

“You knew what?” softly asks Lexa.

And it's the moment that Clarke has been waiting, that gets her heartbeat sped up, and her stomach tightening. She feels like a tightrope walker on the edge of an endless abyss.

“I love you.” she says simply.

Lexa's eyes lit up like a nightly sky full of stars, and the words flow right out of Clarke's mouth, as if she had been holding them back for too long.

“I liked you from the moment I saw you. I was fascinated by you as soon as we talked. What I wanted most of all was to get to know you, all of you. I want to know everything about you. And it took me a while to figure it out, but now that I realized it, it's written deep into my heart. I'm in love with you. You got under my skin so fast, like nobody ever did. And I am so sorry for everything I put you through. I love you.”

Lexa gently puts a finger on Clarke's lips, a soft smile playing on hers.

“Hey. Breathe.” she says fondly. “I love you too. And I'm sorry I let Anya get into my head. I should know that even if she's trying to protect me, sometimes she can be a bit extreme.”

“She hates me.” states Clarke.

“She kinda does.” admits Lexa. “But she will change her mind eventually, when she gets to know you better. Besides, you love me, Anya loves me, and I love you both, so there's no reason you shouldn't get along.”

Clarke playfully raises an eyebrow, chuckling.

“You love us both? Do I have competition?”

Lexa gives her a peck on the lips, gently.

“You know what I mean. And you really don't. Nobody is half as attractive and smart as you. Not Anya, and not that Echo girl from earlier. You don't have to worry about anyone. You're the only one that drives me crazy.”

Smiling as well, Clarke slips her hands into Lexa's, intertwining their fingers.

“I have a request then.” she informs.

“And I shall hear that request.” nods Lexa, amused.

“Okay.” Clarke replies, and she gets down on one knee, raising her chin with a serious look.

“Wow, easy there.” laughs Lexa. “No need to be that chivalrous.”

“Lexa,” begins Clarke, ignoring her, “will you forgive me for my stupid behavior?”

“You're already forgiven.” Lexa tries to get her to stand back up, but Clarke resists. She has one more request.

“Will you do me the honor of being my girlfriend?” she asks on a lower voice, her tone caring and full of affection.

Lexa laughs and drops to her knees in front of her, taking Clarke's face into her hands.

“Yes I will.” she whispers, leaning in to kiss her.

Clarke locks her arms around her girlfriend's neck, bringing her closer to her. And when they kiss, she can feel the smile on Lexa's lips, and her heart swells. It feels good, and it finally feels right. It feels like coming home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can notice, I had to cut the second day of festival in two, because it was too long. So more is coming. I am also settling on weekly updates, apparently! That one was shorter than usual, but hopefully the fluff makes up for it. Thank you for all your reactions and kudos, you make me so happy! See you next Sunday :)


	11. The festival (3)

They spend the afternoon at their camp, talking with the rest of their group. Lexa feels ridiculously happy. That's an unexpected turn of events. And for once, Anya was wrong. Clarke does care about Lexa. Clarke loves her.

Lexa thinks she spends more time staring at her new girlfriend than actually following the conversation, but that's okay. They're okay, and everything is perfect.

“I think I want to tell everyone.” says Clarke to her at some point, as the sun is setting and the people are getting ready to go to the festival.

Lexa offers her a smile and squeezes her hand.

“Go ahead.” she nods.

Clarke stands up and claps her hands to get everyone's attention.

“People, there's something I want to tell you.” she begins on a formal tone.

“You're pregnant.” cuts Murphy with a grin.

“That's unlikely.” grimaces Octavia. “Do you want to dye your hair black?”

“Oh, come on, ginger is more her color.” argues Raven.

“What the...” Clarke shakes her head. “No, no and no. You're terrible at guessing, please stop, it's embarrassing.”

Lexa can't help but feel a little nervous. How will people react when they know that they're dating? Well, Bellamy told her that it was a great thing, sure, but she doesn't know much about what the others would think. However, a rapid glance at Anya reminds her who the biggest problem is.

“So”, Clarke says, taking a deep breath, “I'm informing you that Lexa and I are officially together. Like, in a relationship.”

Nobody reacts, all of them looking at Clarke absently.

“Deal with it.” adds Clarke to put them out of their haze.

Suddenly, everyone starts to get agitated, speaking all at once, while they are looking for things in their pockets. Lexa frowns. What was going on now?

“Thank god you finally figured it out.” sighs Bellamy.

“Yeah, you're unbearable when you're lovesick, Clarkey.” nods Jasper, earning a nudge in the shoulder from Monty.

“Oh, you're one to talk, Jaspurr.” ironies the other boy, winking at a blushing Maya.

“Okay people, give me my money.” Murphy merrily says, clapping his hands.

Lexa watches, astounded, as Clarke's friends all begin exchanging various amounts of cash money.

“What on earth is going on?” she slowly asks.

“Don't take offense.” replies Clarke, rolling her eyes. “These guys literally bet on everything.”

“So, you bet on us?” she asks to Raven, who is sitting next to her.

“Yeah. I thought that wasn't going to happen.” groans the girl, reluctantly handing her wager to Murphy.

“Hey, you're rude.” reproaches Clarke, glaring at her.

“What?” protests Raven. “We argued about that and you literally told me to fuck off. So you can't blame me.”

“She has a point.” agrees Octavia, eying Lexa and Clarke alternatively.

Clarke slowly sits down and takes Lexa's hand with purpose, making sure that everyone can see.

“So, you're okay with that?” asks Clarke softly to Octavia and Raven.

Lexa shifts uncomfortably. She feels like she's intruding in a private conversation.

“I guess so.” shrugs Octavia. “You know, whatever makes you happy, Clarke.”

“As long as you two don't fuck this up.” adds Raven firmly. “If you hurt my girl, Lexa, I will hunt you down and murder you very slowly.”

Lexa doesn't miss the deadly look Clarke throws at her two best friends, and she raises an eyebrow. Clarke's friends don't sound too hostile, but not frankly warm either. She wonders if they genuinely are happy for them.

“I'm taking note of that.” she answers neutrally.

At this moment, Lexa catches Anya's eye. Uh oh. The older girl looks furious, but Anya's anger is something she holds back, letting it boil inside of her until it explodes with rare virulence. Lexa immediately feels like somebody dropped a bucket of ice on her head.

Anya slowly stands up, wordless, and walks away from the camp. Lexa presses her lips together. She knows from experience that this is not good at all.

“I'm going to talk to her.” she whispers to Clarke, moving to follow her friend.

“No.” decides Clarke, tugging on Lexa's hand to keep her sitting down. “I'll go.”

Lexa widens her eyes.

“Okay, Clarke, I need to warn you that this is a terrible idea. I know what mood she's in, and trust me, you don't want to get on her bad side right now.”

“I already have. Trust me, Lexa, I'm the one who should go talk to her. If she has something to say, she'll say it to my face.”

Clarke lets go of Lexa's hand and stands up, under the gaze of all their friends.

“I don't like this.” warns Lexa worriedly.

“We'll be fine.” Clarke assures, checking her watch. “Okay people, it's time to go to the festival. Anya and I will meet you there. See you later!”

As Clarke walks away towards Anya, Lexa cringes internally, nervousness taking over her. She really, really hopes the two girls don't rip each other's throat out. That would be so not cool.

Clarke has proven to have quite a temper, and Anya has a steady reputation of picking fights awfully often. And winning them.

“Damn.” comments Raven by her side. “That's gonna be a hell of a conversation.”

Trying to uplift the general mood, Bellamy gathers everyone and they start walking towards the festival. Lexa scans her surroundings, but Anya and Clarke are out of sight. She hopes it goes well.

 

\---

 

Clarke knows Anya spotted her, but the young woman keeps walking regardless, until they are out of sight of their friends.

Then, at the opposite of the camping field, she finally stops and whips around, glaring at Clarke.

“Why are you following me?” she blurts out.

“I think we need to talk.” answers Clarke calmly. She decided that she would be nice to Anya for a change, act diplomatically for the sake of her relationship with Lexa. Anya obviously has a big part in Lexa's life, so Clarke is going to respect that.

“And I think you need to back off.” Anya snaps back, taking a step towards Clarke.

Clarke stands her ground, crossing her arms.

“That's too bad, because I won't. I'm with her now. You need to accept that.”

“Okay, listen to me, girl.” starts Anya, waving a finger at Clarke's face. “Lexa's the best person I have ever known. And for some reason, I'm the only one who gets her. Her parents are jackasses, and nobody in high school actually liked her.”

“What's your point here?” Clarke raises an eyebrow.

“So you can't just come along and toy with her. She may not seem so, but Lexa's a delicate person, very caring and sensible.”

Sighing, Clarke rolls her eyes.

“I'm not playing with her. I have feelings for her. And don't make the mistake to believe that you're the only who cares about her. I have no intention to hurt her.”

“You already have.” replies Anya through gritted teeth. “And you'll do it again.”

“Not anymore.” Clarke shakes her head.

“There was a girl once. Lexa was head over heels for her.” explains Anya, softening a bit. “She wasn't a bad person, you know, she was great, actually. But life got into the way and she left Lexa. And Lexa was so broken that I swore I would never let that happen again. Not if I can help it.”

Clarke slowly nods.

“I get it. But you can't get involved in her love life. Lexa's big enough to make her own choices. And I promise that I will try my best to make her happy. If that's what you're worried about. I'm really serious about this, Anya. I wasn't before, but I realized some stuff, and I love her. So that's all you need to know.”

For a long moment, the two girls just stare at each other.

“Okay.” finally grunts Anya. “I'll lay off your back, Griffin. But fuck her up again, and you're gonna wish you never met me.”

“Oh, I already wish that.” Clarke shoots back, half-joking.

“I know.” smirks Anya, hitting Clarke's shoulder with her fist.

Clarke supposes that's as close as a mark of affection she will ever receive from Anya. She smiles. She's actually starting to like this woman.

 

\---

 

Wrapping her arms around Clarke, Lexa can almost feel her heart bursting with happiness. Swaying in rhythm to the music, she breathes in the scent of Clarke's shampoo as she smiles. She happens to completely love the current concert, Marina and the Diamonds, and her company is ideal. The day couldn't be anymore perfect. Moreover, Anya and Clarke didn't kill one another, and Lexa could swear she actually saw Anya smile at Clarke once.

The sun is slowly sinking into the horizon, illuminating the sky in a myriad of bright colors, as the beat of the music fills the air.

“This is so beautiful.” Clarke says, turning to her, her eyes shining with pure content.

“You're even more beautiful.” replies Lexa, taking in her wild, blonde hair and her deep blue eyes.

“Such a sap.” laughs Clarke, peppering kisses on her cheek. “Hey, I want to show you something, back at the camp.”

“Okay.” smiles Lexa. “Three more concerts to go and you can show me anything you want.”

She tilts her head on the side and whispers directly into Clarke's ear, satisfied as she notices the shiver running down the blonde's spine.

“I'm so glad we're sharing this tent tonight.” she adds, caressing a patch of skin above Clarke's hip with her fingertips. “Because I need to show you something too.”

“Oh yeah?” Clarke replies, her voice husky and low. “And what's that?”

“I need to show you how much I love you.” simply answers Lexa, green eyes locking with blue.

Clarke's lips tug upwards, and she pulls her girlfriend into a soft kiss, taking her time. Lexa feels like she has just been granted a free access to heaven when someone taps her shoulder repetitively, ruining the moment. Of course, it's Raven.

“Hey, behave, please.” interrupts the girl with a smirk. “You're cute alright, but we all know Clarke has no self-control when it comes to pretty girls and we don't want this situation to get out of hand right now.”

Clarke rolls her eyes and sticks out her tongue to her friend, leaning further back into Lexa's arms like in a protective cocoon.

“You're just jealous because I have a hot girlfriend.” she winks playfully, before straightening her head. “Oh, by the way, what's your status with Anya?”

Raven quickly glances at Anya, who is dancing, oblivious to the rest of the world.

“Can't really say.” she shrugs. “We have fun. No big deal.”

“You know I was saying that last week too.” pinpoints Clarke, arching an eyebrow.

Raven's face splits into a genuine grin.

“Oh yeah, but you were a lovesick puppy in denial. It's a different situation here. We actually talk about what's going on and what we feel, so there's no misunderstanding.”

“Anya is _talking_ to you about her _feelings?”_ Lexa frowns, astounded. “Are we talking about the same person?”

Raven scoffs, proudly raising her chin.

“What can I say, I'm exceptional.” She pauses, recovering a more serious expression. “But, hey, seriously, nothing romantic is going on there. I can assure you. But we do enjoy each other's company.”

Lexa nods. That sounds more like the Anya she knows.

The rest of the evening passes by in a flash, and Lexa feels like she's probably having the time of her life.

Back in high school, she wasn't exactly a popular girl. Her social interactions were pretty limited, although she had rare talent when it came to scare people to death. She used to hide her insecurities behind a proud, austere attitude that she wore like a mask. She always was a lone wolf. She was the girl who came early each morning and left late in the evening, spending every free minute studying at the library. She ate her lunch on her own, under the same tree every day. Silence was her kingdom, and she was perfectly happy with that.

It wasn't that she has any problem with social skills, in fact, Lexa is really good at talking to people. She knows how to listen, and she always thinks before speaking. And that was the problem. As Anya put it so perfectly, Lexa acts “like an army commander and not like a teenager”. And in high school, people preferred to befriend more laid-back, spontaneous people.

However, for some reason, she feels good with Clarke and her friends. She's not judged, and she doesn't feel like they expect a sort of behavior that she's not able to demonstrate. They accept her for who she is, no questions asked, and it feels really, really good. Lexa is a lone wolf, but that's the kind of pack she could probably go for.

And of course, the presence of Clarke herself annihilates every remaining bit of gloomy emotions or negative feelings. With her, there is no awkwardness, no uncomfortable silences. Lexa swears that she grows more smitten every minute that passes by. That is a kind of love that she wasn't ready to feel, and that continues to surprise her.

When the last concert ends, the whole group goes back to the camping, discussing their favorites artists of the weekend. Lexa notices with pleasure that everybody had a lot of fun. They are all very tired though, after dancing and talking and singing for hours, and decide to all go to bed quite early.

“Get ready for bed. I'm going to fetch something in Raven's car.” explains Clarke, holding Lexa's hand in front of their tent.

“Alright. I will wait for you inside.” nods Lexa.

She brushes her teeth at a public sink nearby and goes back to the tent, quickly changing into night wear. Clarke meets her there, holding something behind her back, smiling nervously.

“Okay. There is something that I really want to give you. I've been working on it for days, and, yeah, I hope you like it.”

Lexa gestures for her girlfriend to sit beside her on the mattress. Clarke obliges and takes a deep breath, handing her a folded piece of paper.

Lexa takes it and unfolds it delicately, only to discover something breathtaking. She immediately recognizes a drawing of herself, sitting cross-legged, her back straight and her head high, a hand touching her neck. She widens her eyes at the intricate details of her hair, of her features. It's so well done that her eyes almost look alive.

“It's...” she shakes her head, not able to find the right words.

It's more that beautiful. The drawing has an almost eerie quality, and Lexa looks haunting and imperial.

“God, Clarke, you have so much talent.” she finally says, tearing her eyes away from the paper to look at her girlfriend, who looks relieved.

“You like it?”

“I love it.” answers Lexa, leaning in to give her a soft kiss.

She hesitates, before fully speaking her mind.

“But... It's crazy good, you know. And I know that you drew me here, but that... That's not me. The girl on this drawing... she's perfect, Clarke.”

“This is exactly how I see you.” simply replies Clarke.

Lexa can't help but smile.

“When exactly did you draw this?”

“During the week.”

“And all this time you were claiming to yourself that you had no feelings for me?” she asks innocently.

Clarke shakes her head and slowly puts the drawing away, pushing on Lexa's shoulder to lay her down, laying down beside her.

“I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work, Lexa.” she says, her thumb tracing the outline of Lexa's jaw. “I want you to know that.”

“Okay.” nods Lexa in a whisper, mesmerized by those blue eyes.

“Tomorrow, when we get back to the town, I want to talk to you.” she adds hesitantly.

“About what comes after.” guesses Lexa, her voice calm and soothing.

“Yeah.” agrees Clarke softly. “I think it's time we tell each other where we live, what we study, all that stuff.”

“We really are doing this, then?”

Clarke shifts a little, caressing her girlfriend's arm.

“What?”

“The long-distance thing.”

Lexa holds her breath, heart pounding. She knows it's a big deal, and she knows that's what Clarke had wanted to avoid all along. It's the center of every problem they ever had.

“Yes.” smiles Clarke. “We'll figure it out, I promise.”

She moves atop of Lexa, every move sensual and deliberate.

“But tonight, I'm not thinking about this.” she adds, her voice low and seducing. “I believe you wanted to show me something.”

Lexa smirks and flips them over, taking control. She slides her hands under Clarke's shirt, caressing her naked skin, while her teeth graze at her neck.

“That's accurate.” she whispers. “There is one problem though.”

“Really?” gasps Clarke when Lexa presses a kiss in the crook of her neck, as her right hand moved to cup Clarke's breast.

“A tent is not exactly soundproof.” explains Lexa, and she presses a leg between her girlfriend's thighs, answered by a quiet moan.

“I can be silent.” murmurs Clarke, capturing Lexa's lips into her own, her tongue seeking entrance.

“We will see about that.” replies Lexa between two searing kisses, as Clarke's breathing starts to sound labored.

Clarke chuckles and swiftly takes off Lexa's shirt, letting her hands explore the naked skin, before tugging at the waistband of her shirt.

“You're awfully sure of yourself, Lexa.”

“Dammit.” Lexa bites her lip when Clarke slides her hand into her underwear without warning.

“Maybe you'll be the one that won't be so quiet.”

“Stop talking now, Clarke.” commands Lexa, and she proceeds to undress her girlfriend.

She removes Clarke's shirt and bra before sliding her shorts down her legs, cautiously, peppering kisses on the length of her body.

“One more thing.” adds Clarke, breath hitching as Lexa is about to remove her underwear with her teeth.

Lexa pauses, rolling her eyes.

“What is it that is so important for you to stop me right now?”

Clarke giggles and pulls her back up, kissing her gently.

“I'm taking you on a date tomorrow. A real, official date.” says the blonde girl, locking her arms behind Lexa's neck.

Lexa smiles and nudges her nose against Clarke's, her breath tickling her girlfriend's lips.

“I couldn't be happier.” she answers truthfully.

“Me neither.” confesses Clarke. “I love you.”

Lexa's reply is wordless this time, as her hands and mouth worship every inch of her girlfriend's body.

And, although they are far from reaching the level of noise coming from Anya and Raven's tent, none of them manages to remain completely quiet that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for being so awesome, your kudos and comments are the best thing ever. I'll admit it was harder for me to write about the festival, so I'm quite glad to go back to the original setting of their town haha. Also, shit is about to get real. See you next Sunday! :)


	12. Building a future

They wake up at ten o'clock, but it takes them two hours to pack. Clarke never thought people could accumulate so much mess in two days of camping. And when they finally hit the road, she's hit by a sense of exhaustion.

It's roughly two in the afternoon when they make it back to the house, and Clarke immediately collapses on her bed, after carrying upstairs what felt like an elephant-sized bag of clothes and bottles and random things.

“I'm so tired.” she grunts, muffled by her pillow, as she spots Raven throwing herself on her bed a few meters away.

“Tell me about it.” approves the other girl, yawning. “And we haven't eaten yet.”

“Murphy's taking care of that, right?” Clarke asks with her eyes full of hope, stomach rumbling. “He said he'd be cooking today.”

“Yeah, I think he started making a pizza or something.”

Clarke lets out a groan of approval, mouth watering. Between driving and packing, they hadn't have the time to take a proper meal, and the few cookies she ate on the road didn't satisfy her.

“I'll just pretend you never made that sound.” deadpans Raven, crossing her arms lazily behind her head.

“You're impossible.” Clarke rolls her eyes. “Anyway, I had a really good time.”

Raven rolls on her stomach and eyes her with a smirk.

“Octaviaaa!” she yells as loud as she can, and Clarke covers her ears.

“What the hell, Reyes?”

Octavia barges into the room as fast as lightning and crashes on Raven's bed.

“It's gossip time.” explains Raven, shrugging.

“Did I miss anything?” asks Octavia, eyes alert.

“Nope. We wouldn't start without you, darling.”

Octavia gives a satisfied nod and immediately crosses her hands like a businesswoman. Clarke fights back a sigh. Sometimes, her friends are impossible.

“What?” she asks curtly.

“Do we need to remind you how often you insisted nothing romantic was going on with you and Lexa?” replies Octavia calmly.

“That was like, fifteen times an hour.” casually says Raven.

Clarke sits up and decides that she might as well tell her friends the truth.

“I wasn't being honest. Not with you, not with her, not with me. But it... it kind of hit me right in the face.” She pauses and takes a deep breath, dropping the bomb. “I love her.”

Clarke expected a wide range of reactions, but not that stern silence. The two girls don't even blink. She frowns.

“Why aren't you saying anything? Wait. Did you know?”

Octavia turns to Raven and acts like Clarke wasn't even in the room.

“I told you she wasn't aware. You owe me five bucks.”

Raven rolls her eyes and looks back at Clarke.

“Griffin, that was painfully obvious. It was written all over your face for days. Why do you think we worried so much about you?”

“I don't know.” shrugs Clarke. “About the bets though, were Bell and Murphy the only ones who thought we would end up together?”

“No, Maya bet that too. But I clearly didn't expect it to actually happen.” admits Octavia. “I thought you wouldn't figure out how much you cared about her, and then you'd just get over it when we leave this town.”

Clarke slowly runs a hand through her hair and tries to find her words.

“But you said you knew I love her. Weren't you going to tell me at some point, if I didn't figure it out on my own?”

“No.” her friends reply at once.

She wishes it didn't hurt, but it kind of does.

“Why? Don't you approve of her?”

“It's not that.” rectifies Octavia. “I don't know her well, but she seems like a nice girl. I just, we just think that...”

“Long distance is doomed, Clarke.” cuts Raven. “On ninety percent of cases, it ends up in pain and frustration and tears.”

Clarke notices at this moment how Octavia lowers her eyes, her sadness obvious. She understands that Lincoln and her are pretty serious about their couple.

“We'll be the remaining ten percent.” assures Clarke, her voice firm. She hopes to communicate some of her assurance to Octavia. “If we really want it, we will find a way to make it work.”

Octavia shrugs and leaves the room, pretending she has to unpack.

“You should go talk to her. You always know how to deal with her.” says Clarke.

Raven nods and follows her friend.

Left alone, Clarke sighs and rolls on her stomach. She grabs her phone and dials Lexa's number immediately.

“Hey, how's it going?” she asks when the other girl picks up after just one ring.

“ _Since I last saw you two hours ago? Fine, thank you.”_

“Stop it with the sassy comments, or I'm going to call you Lexa Reyes.”

“ _Oh, please, no.”_ laughs Lexa on the other end of the line. “ _So, why are you calling?”_

“Remember that date I'm supposed to invite you on today?” Clarke chews on her bottom lip.

“ _Damn, that is true. It is today already.”_

Clarke smiles when she hears her girlfriend fight back a yawn.

“Are you tired?”

“ _No, not at all.”_ Lexa pauses. “ _Okay, maybe that's a lie. I think I could take a nap for hours.”_

“Me too. This whole festival turned out to be way more exhausting than I thought it would be.”

“ _Did I wear you out last night?”_ Clarke swears she can actually hear the smirk in Lexa's voice.

“Jackass.”

“ _Admit it, Clarke. I am that good.”_

Clarke rolls her eyes, restraining a chuckle.

“Anyway. I thought that maybe we could rest today and postpone that date to tomorrow. What do you think?”

“ _I am actually relieved that you are suggesting th_ _a_ _t. I do not really wish to fall asleep on you during a date.”_

“That's perfect, Lexa. Although we both know you would never fall asleep on a date with me. I wouldn't give you the chance.”

“ _Now who's pretentious? Do you think you are so riveting?”_

“Admit it, Lexa. I'm that good.” Clarke replies playfully, stealing her girlfriend's line.

“ _I am hanging up now.”_

“I love you too.”

 

\---

 

Lexa spends most of the afternoon sleeping and reading in her bed, and only heads up downstairs when Lincoln calls Anya and her for dinner.

“I am very proud of you.” Lexa informs Anya as she sits down.

“What for?”

“You spoke to Clarke and behaved. Well. You're both still alive, so I just assume you behaved.”

Anya adresses her the finger and rolls her eyes.

“I don't know how I managed that. She's really annoying.”

“You have to hand it to her, though. You tried your best glares on her and it didn't scare her away.”

“Yeah, because she's fucking persistent.”

Lexa smiled at that, her lips tugging upwards without her consent.

“I am very glad she is. I don't want to give up on her either.”

“Even if she lives far, far, far, far away? What will you do then?”

Lexa's features darken immediately. It is indeed a question that haunts her at every moment, lurking around in the corner of her brain.

“I guess we will see.” she answers softly.

 

\---

 

They're sitting down on a towel at the beach, under the bright summer sun, eating strawberries and holding hands. Clarke had prepared a whole picnic, with various fruits, sandwiches and juices.

“So that was it.” says Clarke.

“It's very nice.” replies Lexa, with a hint of malice in her eyes.

“What? What's funny?” frowns Clarke, noticing it.

“It's very nice, but it has nothing on our first date.”

Clarke's jaw falls open, as she pretends to be offended.

“How dare you? And for your information, this _is_ our first date.”

Lexa pushes on Clarke's shoulders until she's pinned to the ground, and slowly straddles her. She leans in and stops a few inches from her girlfriend's face, while she entangles their fingers together.

“The first time I invited you home and we were alone, that was our first date. Even if it wasn't official.”

“That's a way to see it.” Clarke grumpily rolls her eyes.

“I cooked for you.” says Lexa, dropping a kiss on Clarke's cheek.

“I did that today too, asshole.”

“I played piano for you.” she continues, kissing Clarke's jaw.

“Sorry I'm not gifted with music”, sighs Clarke, closing her eyes. It feels so good to have her girlfriend's lips on her skin, even though it's chaste and they're on a public beach.

“I danced with you. I offered you the finest champagne I had.” Now Lexa's mouth is trailing down Clarke's neck, slow and sensual, teasing.

“You're just being picky now.” whispers Clarke, trying to keep her breathing to a normal rhythm.

“And I gave you a pretty nice orgasm too, as I seem to recall.” finishes Lexa, grazing her teeth against a collarbone.

“Lexa, we're at the _beach._ We can't exactly have sex here, sorry to disappoint your majesty.” Clarke pushes her away, falsely offended, but mostly to hide her arousal.

“Also we watched a movie and cuddled and you fell asleep in my arms. Try to top that all in one date.”

“Fine.” Clarke rolls her eyes. “It sort of kinda was a date, I guess.”

Satisfied, Lexa gives her girlfriend a peck on the lips.

“It totally was. Anyway, I think we need to talk.”

Clarke gulps and starts to fiddle with the hem of her shirt nervously. It's the reason why they're actually here, but none of them really wanted to acknowledge it.

“We do. So, I'm just gonna go ahead and tell you where I live, shall I?”

Lexa nods softly, grabbing Clarke's hand and squeezing it.

“Hey, relax. I love you. Whatever happens, we will figure something out.”

“Okay.” Clarke takes a deep breath. “I live in a small town in West Virginia, but I'll be studying medicine at Polis University.”

The moment Lexa lowers her head, it feels like a train has just hit Clarke full-speed right in the face. It hurts that she knows what is coming next. A small part of her never ceased to hope, clinging onto the possibility of a happy ending, of a fortunate coincidence. But hey, this is real life, and nothing quite ever turns out the way we want it to be.

“You're not living nowhere near that, do you?” she manages to ask, her voice hardly recognizable.

“No.” answers Lexa. “I'm from Louisiana. And I'll study politics and philosophy in TonDC College.”

Clarke pulls her into a tight hug, heart breaking at the sound of Lexa's small, hurt voice.

“It's okay. I love you, it's okay.” she whispers in her girlfriend's ear.

“No, Clarke, it's not.” Lexa shakes her head, freeing herself. “I freaking applied for Polis. Hell, I got in. But... I chose TonDC because it's slightly closer to Anya's city. I'm so stupid.”

“Hey, you didn't know.” Clarke cups Lexa's face and looks at her in the eye with intensity. “How could you? Four weeks ago, you didn't know I even existed.”

“You're right. Barely four weeks... I can't believe it took me less than a month to ruin both my life and yours.” Lexa chuckles joylessly, wiping tears from her eyes.

Clarke frowns and reaches for Lexa's hand.

“Don't say that. You didn't ruin anything. I'm having some of the best moments of my life when I'm with you. And I know you do too. There's just something about you, Lexa, that feels right. Being with you is just as if I had found something missing in my life. You know that.”

“Yes, and that's the problem, isn't it?” Lexa stares at her, eyes glassy yet hard. “I am not going to be with you much longer. I may not have known you for long, but I am aware of your deep dislike for long-distance relationships. You said you would do whatever it takes to make this work, but I never intended to force you into something that isn't... That you don't feel comfortable with.”

Clarke swipes her thumb over Lexa's knuckles, trying to soothe her.

“You're being silly. Anything with you I am comfortable with.” she points out. “Besides, I meant it when I said I would try and make this work. We can see each other on holidays and even some weekends, we'll text and call each other and Skype and stuff. I'll send you letters and chocolates and books. And I'll get to brag about my awesome hot girlfriend to all of Polis Uni'.”

She leans in and drops a kiss on Lexa's cheek, and then her forehead, lingering there.

“Okay?” she insists when no reaction comes out of the brunette.

“Clarke, I really don't want to be a burden...”

“Nonsense.” Clarke cuts her short. “You're beautiful, and smart, and absolutely everything I will ever need you to be. I'm doing this for you, with you, because I want to and not because I feel forced to or whatever bullshit you're thinking of. So yeah, we're doing this. Okay?”

“Are you going to relentlessly ask this until I say yes?” Lexa smiles shyly, and Clarke swears that she would do anything to keep a smile on her face forever.

“Afraid so.” she shrugs.

Lexa rolls her eyes and leans in to kiss her, softly, taking her time. Clarke closes her eyes. She wants to engrave this in her memory and enjoy every single second they spend together.

 

\---

 

Lexa was already in love with Clarke, but these last few days she has reached an entirely new level. Like, she's gone full-on Romeo-and-Juliet kind of Love. Clarke is the John Smith to her Pocahontas, the Eurydice to her Orpheus, the Jane Eyre to her Rochester. And even though she loves Shakespeare and Greek mythology, she just hopes it doesn't end up in a tragedy. (That being said, tragedies make for the best stories.)

Everyday, she goes to sleep with her heart seemingly ready to burst from holding so much love, thinking it is impossible for those feelings to get bigger. And every morning proves her wrong. She wonders where is the limit – if there's a limit – to love. It's scaring her, because she has never gotten so attached that fast.

She has loved before, with all her heart too. But it had taken months for her to commit herself to her feelings, to trust the person. With Clarke, it's different. It's like diving head first into a bottomless lake with no shore in sight. Lexa doesn't see any escape, and in all honesty she doesn't really want one.

It significantly improves her mood too, as Anya never fails to mention. Lexa talks more, laughs more, and she feels it. Life got a lot easier to handle with Clarke by her side.

“Oh my gosh, please stop smiling like a dumb smitten puppy. It's fucking irritating.”

Lexa jumps a little, startled. She completely forgot where she was for a moment (okay, a pretty long moment, but she was thinking about Clarke, so it's understandable, right?). She shakes her head to clear her thoughts and tries to focus back on the movie.

“Sorry.” she says, pouring Anya another glass of wine. Somehow it's a trick that never fails to soften the austere woman.

“I don't know what's up with you and Lincoln. Like, damn, you guys have so much _feelings,_ I have no fucking clue how to deal with you in that state.”

“And I”, Lexa shoots back, “have no idea how you manage to remain so heartless when there is a very beautiful woman sharing your bed about thrice a week. Any normal human being would have started to at least feel a little affection by now. Are you a robot?”

“Raven?” Anya snorts, taking a sip. “She's fun. End of story. In ten days she'll be gone, we'll both have good memories, and that's all I care about.”

“If you want my advice, she is close to perfect for you though. You two are very alike and obviously get along well.”

“Too bad I don't want your advice”, deadpans Anya.

“What's up with Lincoln anyway?” Lexa raises an eyebrow. “I don't really know him, so I do not know how to read him.”

“Well, I do. And I can tell he's very close to quitting everything and move to Octavia's city.” Anya rolls her eyes. “Like, really, guys? A month is all it takes for you to go full blown crazy?”

She scoots closer to Lexa with a mischievous smirk.

“Come on, tell me. She's _that_ good in bed, uh?”

“Anya.” warns Lexa, while a blush creeps up her neck. “You do know that there is no way I am talking to you about that.”

“Oh, I'm aware. I'm just glad you're getting laid.”

At that, Lexa grabs a pillow and starts attacking her friend, just as Lincoln enters the room with Octavia.

“Hi, people.” Octavia waves. “What's up?”

“Lexa's mad at me for whatever reason.” Anya gets hold of the pillow and throws it back in Lexa's face.

“It's totally about Clarke.” nods Octavia, as Lexa's jaw falls open. “What? You're blushing like a tomato, it's not hard to figure it out. Anyway, party at our house tonight. Get ready, it's gonna get crazy.”

“Anya and I are working tonight.” Lexa points out. “We wouldn't be able to come by before 2 am.”

“We know.” Octavia smiles. “We'll just get started without you.”

“But we'll be tired...”

“I'm in.” Anya blurts out. “And I'm dragging this one along if I have to.” she adds, nudging Lexa.

“You do know I'm uncomfortable at parties, right?” sighs Lexa.

“That's what booze is for.” shrugs Octavia with a devilish grin. “Anyway, we're going to bang now. Laters!”

She tugs at Lincoln's sleeve and leads him upstairs, leaving the two girls alone. Lexa rolls her eyes.

“I'm not bailing away from this, am I?” she says, and she knows it's more of a statement than a question.

“Not a chance. I want to drink and you're coming with me.”

Lexa's gaze falls upon the glass of wine in her friend's hand and she raises an eyebrow.

“Anya, you are literally drinking all the time already. By the way, I really do not think it is healthy. You might consider slowing down a little, for the sake of your liver. Have mercy for your own body.”

“First, I only do that when I'm on holidays with you. Whether it's to be able to stand you or my way to relax after a hard year of working my ass off, you decide. And second, fuck you.”

Lexa can't help but smile as Anya blows a kiss in her direction and winks.

“Okay then, do as you will. Don't come complaining when you're suffering from cirrhosis. I am going to take a nap. I guess it's going to be a long night.”

As Lexa enters her bedroom and falls on her bed, she feels her phone vibrating in her pocket. Expecting a message from Clarke, she unlocks the screen, already smiling.

The smile falls from her face quickly, and she feels like somebody just dropped a bucket of ice on her head. This was a text from someone she never thought she would hear about ever again. And yet...

_Oh, shit. I'm going to need to drink a lot tonight too._

 

\---

 

It's two in the morning and Clarke is half-naked on the table kitchen, while Raven is doing body shots off of her.

“Come on, we're crushing them!” she slurs, encouraging her friend.

She twists her neck to look at her right, where Monty and Jasper are competing against them. Jasper is downing his third shot of tequila and looks pretty ill.

“I think I'm gonna throw up.” he says, grimacing. “I give up. Raven's not even human, guys.”

In the middle of a loud round of cheering, Clarke catches the sound of Anya's voice.

“Well, this looks fun. Can we join?”

Clarke turns around and spots Lexa, and she runs to hug her.

“Oh, hey.” Lexa mumbles in her ear as she pulls her closer. “Looks like we are just in time for tequila.”

Clarke breaks the hug to fetch Lexa a shot of tequila, that the girl downs in a split second, without even flinching.

“I need another.” says Lexa with a serious look.

Frowning, Clarke brings a hand to Lexa's jaw and gently runs her fingers on her cheek.

“You okay?”

“Why wouldn't I be?”

“You rarely display such a urge to get wasted.” worries Clarke. “Oh, and I'm standing here half-naked and you haven't even glimpsed at my boobs. That's a first.”

Lexa smiles softly and kisses her.

“Those are great boobs indeed.” she winks.

Clarke can sense that something is off, but she doesn't want to push anything if Lexa doesn't want to talk about it. She figures that whatever it is that occupies her girlfriend's mind is irrelevant, or that Lexa will tell her later. Clarke puts her shirt back on and turns to Lexa again.

“I'm here for you.” she offers simply and takes her hand.

She then proceeds to entertain Lexa in order to take her mind off of what is bothering her. She ushers them into the living room, where Bellamy and Murphy have started a robot-dance contest. (Yes, they made it a thing, and it's really not nice to look at.) On the couch, Octavia is practically sitting on Lincoln's lap, their bodies so entangled together that she has trouble seeing the end of them.

“Ew, gross.” she frowns, earning an immediate slap from Octavia.

“You're one to talk.” says Octavia, sticking out her tongue. “I've been listening to you two going at it for what seems like forever. In this house and their house. Is no place sacred to you?”

Bellamy chooses this instant to crash down on the couch next to his sister.

“Oh, hey Lexa.” He turns to Lincoln and offers a stiff nod. “Lincoln. Pleasedontgropemysisterinfrontofme.”

Octavia throws him a glare.

“Bell. Don't act like such a baby. You know I have a sex life. Get over it.”

Clarke snuggles closer to Lexa and leans in to whisper in her ear.

“He reminds me of a much more peaceful version of Anya.”

Lexa raises an eyebrow and considers it.

“In this analogy, I am the young, hot-headed, slightly stupid, obnoxiously loud girl who makes out with someone in a room full of people who probably do not wish to witness such a display of proximity?”

Clarke rolls her eyes and drapes her arms around Lexa's waist.

“Drop the sarcasm, Miss Irony. I know you secretly love Octavia.”

“I will never admit to that.” Lexa pauses, and takes a deep breath. She looks about to speak when she suddenly presses her lips together and shakes her head. “I need another drink.” she says, and in the next moment she is gone.

“What's up with your girlfriend?” worries Bellamy.

“I'm... not sure.” replies Clarke, distracted. “I don't think I've done anything wrong, though.”

“You're perfect.” Bellamy winks and ruffles her hair. “I'm sure it's nothing. And if there's anything, it's not about you.”

“Yeah. Anyway, how are you doing?”

“I'm having a great time.” he smiles. “But I'll be glad to go back home in ten days. I think we got a little ahead of ourselves, I mean, six weeks is a really, really long time. I'm starting to miss home.”

“I feel like those six weeks are going at lightspeed.” grimaces Clarke. “Besides, we'll have almost two whole months to spend at home before term starts. Those holidays are the longest.”

“Ready to start college?”

Clarke shifts on the couch and shrugs.

“Yes? I don't know. I think it's going to be really interesting, but I will miss you guys so much. You, Raven, Jasper, Maya, Monty, hell, even Murphy... Who, by the way, is the best cook I've ever encountered, so that was unexpected. And... And Lexa too.”

Bellamy gives her a comforting hug.

“It's going to be fine. You'll manage. And don't forget that you get to keep Octavia close.”

“I'm glad we're entering the same college.” admits Clarke. “I would feel really lost without her.”

At that, Octavia turns her head towards them.

“Did I hear my name? What did I miss?”

“Clarke was just telling me how she's sick of your dumb face. She has no idea how to handle another few years with you.” replies Bellamy with a grin.

“Shut up. I'll be the best roommate she could ever dream of.” Octavia shoots back. “Who else is going to wake her up at three in the morning when I have a nightmare? Who else will bail out of every chore there is to do? Who else will let her do all the dishes and clean up after all the parties I will throw without her consent?”

Clarke laughs and throws her head back.

“Oh my, I need to ditch her. It's going to be hell on earth.”

She's met with a crushing hug from her friend.

“You love me.”

She smiles, her heart consistently warmed. She really has the best friends she could ever have.

It's at this moment that she realizes Lexa hasn't come back, so she excuses herself and heads out of the living room to find her. She decides to check outside. Maybe the other girl has gone to get some fresh air.

It's dark outside, and the only light comes from a little red spot at the end of the garden.

“Lexa?” she calls, unsure.

“Nope, sorry blondie. It's just me.”

“Oh.” she recognizes Anya's voice. “Sorry, I didn't want to disturb you.”

To her surprise, Anya actually calls her back.

“It's fine. You can come if you want. I have vodka.”

Clarke remembers the last time Anya offered her vodka, at the festival, and it didn't really end well. She grimaces and is about to go back inside, but she changes her mind after a beat.

If she's going to be a part of Lexa's life, she might as well pull up efforts to get on with Anya. And it seems that the young woman is trying too, so Clarke closes the door behind her and walks blindly towards the red spot.

She identifies said red light as the incandescent bit of a cigarette hanging from Anya's lips.

“Hey.” greets the woman, handing Clarke the bottle.

“What are you doing alone?” asks Clarke, taking a sip and wincing.

“Nothing special. I like silence.”

At that, Clarke nods, and she's not sure if she should talk again.

“Lexa's happy with you.” says Anya after a few moments.

“I am too.”

“So, what's the plan?”

Clarke turns the bottle in her hands aimlessly while she thinks about her answer.

“I have never done this long-distance thing before. But, you know, I love her.”

“I'm not saying you don't.”

The blank that follows feels heavy to Clarke, and she vaguely senses that there is something left unsaid.

“And what are you saying?”

“Lexa had a girlfriend before. I don't know if she's told you about it.”

“I know she did, but she never talked about it. You probably shouldn't say anything to me if she doesn't judge it necessary...”

Anya raises her hand sharply to cut her short.

“I think you need to hear that. She was a great girl. They met when they were fifteen, started dating about a year after that. Lexa wasn't out to the world, so they kept it secret. And they were happy. They were always at each other's house, or out together. Heaven on earth, some may say. Lexa was head over heels.”

“What happened?”

“The girl moved away.” simply answers Anya. She takes a puff of her cigarette. “Her dad got a promotion somewhere at the other end of the country. She had to leave.”

“I'm sorry to hear that.” she says, and she means it. “Did she leave Lexa then?”

“No. They tried to keep the relationship going. But you know how it goes. You miss each other. You get sad. You get busy with school or new friends or whatever. You get jealous. You fight. You're not happy anymore. You're hurting yourselves clinging onto the shadow of a relationship that can never be yours again. It went on for months, and then she left Lexa.”

Clarke nods silently.

“She's just starting to heal. So I just thought I should tell you. Because you just agreed to try this with Lexa, and this is a big deal for her.”

“Thanks for trusting me.” Clarke replies genuinely. “I'll do my best not to screw up.”

“I know that now.” says Anya, and Clarke figures it's as much as a love confession she'll ever get from that woman. “Now come on. Let's dance.”

 

Clarke finds Lexa talking to Raven when she comes back inside, and both of them are astounded to see who she's with.

“What, you two can stand each other now?” Raven laughs, pointing alternatively at Anya and Clarke.

“It's purely out of obligation.” growls Anya, but Lexa throws her such a happy smile that she cracks up one herself.

“Okay, losers, let's dance.” decides Raven and she drags them all to the living room where some electro song is blasting.

Clarke forgets about her worries and focuses instead on Lexa, her hands around her waist, her body swaying and twirling around. She swoons internally over her perfect face and wonders how she ever got so lucky.

However, she doesn't miss the frown over her girlfriend's features, the preoccupied look that hasn't left her face all night. She stops dancing and tugs at her hand, dragging her in a corner to talk.

Maybe Lexa is avoiding the conversation, or maybe it's a coincidence, but before Clarke can open her mouth she gives her a kiss on the lips that immediately shuts her up.

“I'm going to the bathroom.” she says and, once again, disappears.

Clarke frowns and heads to the bar, where she pours herself a glass of water. She spots Lexa's phone, left alone on the table, and picks it up with a mischievous smirk. Wanting to take a selfie to put it on Lexa's screen, she unlocks the phone and ends up on a text message conversation she probably wasn't meant to see.

“Costia? Who's that?” she mumbles to herself, and her eyes scan the screen almost against her will. She knows she shouldn't be looking into things that aren't of her concern, but it was just there and she can't help herself. That is a serious drawback of being curious.

 

_Costia – 4:36 pm : Hey, you. I know it's been months since we last talked, but my mother just spent a few days into, as you say 'the lousiest town', to sell the house. Anyway, she ran into your parents. They said you're going to attend to TonDC U. And I am too. What are the odds, right? I know I hurt you but you also know it was never my intention. I hope we can hang out together at college. Maybe we'll have classes together, who knows? I hope you're well. I miss you._

 

It doesn't take long for Clarke's mind to make the connection with the ex-girlfriend Anya told her about just half an hour ago.

“Well, shit.”

She puts the phone back down on the table, as she starts thinking furiously. So that was what was bothering Lexa.

She was going to college with her ex while her actual girlfriend would be hundreds miles away.

“Hey. You look...confused.”

Clarke, startled, jump around at the sound of Lexa's voice. Heart beating fast, she rushes into an attempt at a question.

“Lexa, I swear I wasn't spying on you, I would never, I respect you I really do and you know I'm not one to do that sort of thing, but I just wanted to take a picture and...”

“Clarke. Breathe.” interrupts Lexa, but she sounds a little tense.

Clarke gulps and tries to calm down.

“I saw Costia's message.”

“Oh.”

“Anya told me what happened with you two.”

Lexa wets her lips and frowns.

“Why did she...”

“Lexa, you're going to the same college.”

“Yes.” sighs Lexa, lowering her eyes.

“And I'll be far away. And I know you loved her very much. And apparently she misses you.”

Lexa remains silent, and Clarke braces herself before asking her next question, her voice slightly shaking.

“Is this going to be a problem?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for the hiatus there. This was very rude of me. Mid-terms exams kind of jumped at my throat and then I had to study 24/7. And then, this chapter was particularly hard to write. I don't even know why. But now I'm back for good, and there are only a few chapters left. This is exciting! Thanks so much for sticking with me, love you guys.


	13. Countdown

“Is this going to be a problem?”

Lexa doesn't answer at once. She worries at her bottom lip and sighs.

“Clarke, I... I'm drunk. And you are too.”

“I'm sober enough.” replies Clarke a bit dryly.

“I am not.” repeats Lexa. “Can we take our time to talk about this tomorrow when we're fully rested? This is serious.”

Clarke hesitates and nods.

“Tomorrow then.”

“I promise.”

Lexa takes a tentative step towards Clarke and hugs her, burying her face in her hair.

“I love you.” she whispers.

Clarke doesn't respond, but Lexa can feel her give a small nod.

“I think I'm going to go home.” adds Lexa after a moment. “I should probably get some sleep. It's really late.”

She drops a soft kiss on Clarke's cheek and turns away, ignoring Anya's questioning look.

It isn't until she's walking in the street that she allows herself to breathe, cursing herself. She feels like she screwed up big time. She should have talked to Clarke. Instead she got herself drunk and Clarke found out anyway.

Gods, Costia. She really thought that she would never hear from her again. Costia who was her first love, her friend, her pillar. And she would be _there_ , not just a faint memory of a distant past. Costia will be by her side day after day while Clarke would be away. She can't even begin to imagine all the problems the situation will bring.

Lexa angrily clenches her jaw. She feels like punching things. This is so unfair. Why does it feel like every relationship she starts is doomed because of distance?

She walks back to Anya's house, slightly stumbling as she does, inebriated. And while Lexa walks, she thinks very seriously about what she's going to tell Clarke the next day.

 

\---

 

Clarke is clenching her phone in her fist, waiting desperately for any word from Lexa. It's almost noon, and she's been awake for hours, but she doesn't want to push Lexa. She tries to tell herself that Lexa might still be asleep, given the amount of alcohol she ingested the previous night.

She jumps, startled when her phone vibrates. Febrile, she opens the text message, which is indeed from Lexa.

_Lexa – 11:53am : Can you come over today? Anya and Lincoln are gone fishing with Octavia._

_Clarke – 11:54am : Sure, when suits you?_

_Lexa – 11:55am : Is after lunch okay?_

_Clarke – 11:56am : Okay. I'll be there in an hour or so._

Clarke tries to swallow back her anxiety, as she focuses back on the book she's reading. She fails miserably at that, and she's relieved when Murphy calls all of them to have lunch.

She doesn't pay much attention to the merry babble of her friends, the muffled sound of her beating heart filling her ears. She plays with her fork in silence, unable to eat.

It's a surprise, it's a shock. It's unexpected and it's scary. Clarke never intended to fall in love with Lexa, and she's only beginning to come to terms with how much it affects her. She cares about the quiet girl a lot, and the conversation that's coming is an endless source of anguish.

 

Clarke knocks at the door and her heart misses a beat when Lexa opens it. The girl let her hair down on her shoulders, without her usual braids, and she's strikingly beautiful.

“Come in.” she offers, noticing that Clarke makes no move to speak or kiss her.

There's a lump in Clarke's throat as she nods, stepping inside the house.  She follows Lexa into the living room, and the girl carefully sits on the couch.

“I will cut to the chase, Clarke.” says Lexa, as she motions for her to sit beside her.

“Thanks.” replies Clarke, sitting next to her.

“Before I say anything, I think you should see what I answered to Costia.”

“You don't have to.” Clarke shakes her head. “I respect your privacy.”

“No, I want you to.”

Lexa hands her phone to Clarke, who takes it after a moment, scrolling through her messages to Costia.

_Lexa – 8:47am : Hey. It will be my pleasure to see you again, of course. I have missed you too._

_Costia – 9:24am : Have missed, huh?_

_Lexa – 9:44am : Yes. I eventually moved on with my life. I hope you did as well._

_Costia – 9:53am : I got over it, if that's what you mean. But I never found someone like you again. I think maybe you've always been the one I am meant to be with._

Clarke closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before reading on.

_Lexa – 10:21am : I do not believe that there is 'the one' for any of us. There are millions and millions of people on this earth, in this country, all around us. It isn't always easy to collide with the right ones, but there are a lot of people that we can learn to love, that can love us and bring something different and precious to our lives. I hope that you find soon somebody who can appreciate you for the beautiful human being that you are, as I have._

_Costia – 10:26am : She must be very special. :)_

_Lexa – 10:28am : She is._

_Costia – 10:35am : I'll see you around campus then!_

_Lexa – 10:37am : Without any doubt. Take care._

She lifts her eyes and finds those, green and soft, of her girlfriend.

“You...” she starts, but Lexa puts a slender finger on her lips, shutting her up.

“I said that I love you, Clarke, and I mean it. I said I want this relationship, and I do. I said I would do whatever it takes to make this work, and I will. What I had with Costia was unique, but it's over now, and you're the only one I can think about. You have to know that I will see her, because she is a great girl and an awesome friend. But you shouldn't be afraid of anything.”

Lexa takes her finger away from Clarke's lips, who clears her throat.

“I am going to ask this only once, Lexa. And I want you to be very honest with me.”

“Okay.” Lexa nods.

“If you ever develop feelings for her again, will you tell me? Do you swear to never, like, cheat on me?”

“Of course, this goes without saying. I would never do that to you. But it will not happen anyway.”

“Are you sure of your feelings for me?”

Lexa scoots closer and threads a hand through Clarke's hair.

“Honestly? I don't think I have been more certain of anything in my life.”

Clarke feels like a huge weight has just been lifted off of her chest, and she exhales with relief, a smile toying on her lips.

“I'm glad. Because I really fucking love you.” she manages to say, her voice catching in her throat.

“I do too.”

Lexa leans in closer and kisses her, gently. Her hands find their way around Clarke's waist and slide under her shirt, caressing her back almost reverently. Clarke opens her mouth slightly and deepens the kiss, as her fingers run along Lexa's jawline, her neck, her collarbones.

“Do you want to go upstairs?” she whispers when she feels Lexa toying with the clasp of her bra.

“Too far. The couch is fine.” Lexa replies, immediately laying Clarke down and proceeding to take off her clothes.

Clarke lets out a laugh that quickly turns into a gasp when she feels Lexa's mouth on her bare chest, while the girl's wild hair deliciously caresses her skin.

“Take this off.” she demands, tugging at the fabric of Lexa's shirt. Her girlfriend obliges, removing her shirt in one fluid motion, and for a moment she just stands there, straddling Clarke's thighs, looking at the girl beneath her with her big expressive eyes. Clarke stares back at her, engraving in her memory the sight of such a breathtaking beauty. For the hundredth time of the week, she's amazed to be so lucky.

Lexa takes off her own bra and leans in, positioning herself on top of Clarke, their bodies almost touching. She props herself up on one elbow, while her other hand explores Clarke's body, descending lower and lower.

“I am sorry I scared you yesterday.” she mutters, as her fingers tug at Clarke's waistband.

“Don't worry about it.” Clarke replies absently, because in all honesty, right now she isn't so concentrated on what Lexa is saying.

“I guess I needed time to think before I spoke to you. From now on, I promise I will always tell you what's on my mind.”

“Okay, cool.” Clarke's voice is a little breathy, and her entire being is focused on Lexa's fingers, that have found their way in her underwear.

She takes a sharp intake of breath as Lexa moves her fingers, lazily stroking the most sensitive spot on her body. Suddenly her hand stops, and Clarke whimpers in protest.

“You're not listening to me at all, are you?” Lexa frowns, half serious.

“ _Lexa.”_ Clarke gapes at her. “Your hand is down my pants, sorry if I'm a bit distracted.”

A smirk appears on Lexa's face, and she gives a small twist of her wrist, repositioning her fingers. Clarke bites her lip, her hips unwillingly moving, desperate to get some friction.

“Just a bit?”

“I swear that if you keep being such a tease, I will...”

Lexa shuts her up with a searing kiss, as she slides two fingers inside Clarke's body, finally giving her what she aches for with such burning desire. She quickly finds her pace, thumb flicking over Clarke's clit, and when the blonde girl closes her eyes, all she can see are stars.

Clarke grips at Lexa's shoulder blades and doesn't let go, breathing in sync with her girlfriend. She feels out of time, out of space, and in that precise moment she understands that their relationship is the best thing that happened to her. She's in love with Lexa and she doesn't want to ever stop loving her.

 

Nine days left.

 

Lexa's breathing is shallow when she throws her head back on the couch.

“So I just decided I love make-up sex.” she says with a smile, while Clarke crawls back up the length of her body. “We should have misunderstandings more often.”

She earns a little slap on her stomach.

“Asshole.” laughs Clarke. “I don't need to fight to give you an orgasm and you know it.”

“But seriously, though.” she adds, softening her features. “I'm going to miss you like crazy, and even if Costia will be there I won't change my mind about us.”

Clarke groans and cuddles into her side, draping an arm around her toned abdomen.

“Did you really have to bring this up now?”

Lexa drops a kiss on her forehead and hugs her back.

“Sorry. I'm just... I can't get out of my mind the fact that our time here is almost over.”

“I know. Me neither.”

“Nine days, is it?”

“Nine days.” nods Clarke. “We're going to make the most of it. I want a thousand memories to bring to Polis with me.”

“That, I can give you, Clarke.”

 

Seven days left.

 

Lexa hands the last dish over to the kitchen staff with a little sigh. Things were hectic at the restaurant tonight, and she feels quite tired. Being a waitress isn't something that she particularly dislikes, but on those days she wishes she could just stay at home to read and do some gardening.

She walks over to the bar, where Anya is finishing cleaning up some spilled alcohol.

“Do you need any help?” she offers.

“No, I'm almost done here. You can go.” Anya replies.

Lexa nods and rests her forearms on the counter, leaning against it. After a while, Anya stops and stares at her.

“I said you can go.” She repeats. “What are you still doing here?”

“I'm waiting for you. We're walking home together, aren't we?”

Anya gives her a little smirk.

“No we're not. Someone's waiting for you outside.”

A little smile tugs at Lexa's lips without her consent.

“Oh. Okay then. Well, see you later.” she says, suddenly eager to leave.

Anya waves at her dismissively, grumpy as ever.

“Yeah, yeah, have fun.” she mumbles, reporting her attention to cleaning the counter.

Lexa happily makes her way out of the restaurant, sighing with relief when the fresh air of the sea hits her. The night sky is clear, punctuated by bright stars, just the way she likes it.

Clarke is waiting for her, hands tucked into her shorts' pockets, leaning back against a truck.

“Did you steal Raven's truck again?” she asks with a little laugh.

“I may have.” Clarke answers with a wink.

Lexa steps closer and rests her arms against the truck on each side of Clarke, trapping her.

“She's going to be so pissed.” she whispers before kissing her, reveling in the way Clarke's soft lips move against hers. Clarke's tongue flickers against her bottom lip and Lexa opens her mouth to deepen the kiss. In a matter of seconds, it becomes more heated, and Clarke's hands find their way to Lexa's back and neck, pulling her impossibly closer.

“Well as long as we don't have sex in her car, she should be okay...” Clarke breathes against Lexa's mouth, who immediately smirks.

Clarke pulls back a little.

“Lexa, no.” she states with authority, but the glimmer in her eyes gives away her amusement.

Lexa pouts and drags her fingers up Clarke's thigh.

“But you look so good under the moonlight.”

Clarke grabs Lexa's hand and narrows her eyes.

“I have a feeling you just want to piss Raven off.”

“That too.” admits Lexa with a smile. “She deserves it, after all the hell and embarrassment she put us through.”

“Not happening.” declares Clarke with a final kissing, before pushing Lexa aside. “Now get in the car, we're going home.”

Lexa gets in the passenger seat, resting an elbow on the window, as Clarke starts the engine. She frowns when she notices that they are driving in the wrong direction.

“I thought we were going home.”

“I always come at your place.” explains Clarke, giving her a fond glance. “Tonight you're the one sleeping over.”

“But you're sharing a room with Raven.” Lexa points out, puzzled. “As much as I want to annoy her, I don't want to make her uncomfortable.”

“She won't be here. She's with Anya. Wait, does sleeping at our house make you uncomfortable? Just say the words and...”

Lexa reaches over the gearbox and squeezes Clarke's hand over the wheel.

“Clarke. It's all good. I'm completely okay with it.” She frowns. “Wait. I don't have spare clothes or a toothbrush.”

“I can lend you some.” Clarke shrugs.

Lexa can barely hide the smile lighting her features.

“We are getting awfully domestic here, Clarke.”

Clarke doesn't even bother taking her eyes off the road.

“You love it.” she says automatically.

Lexa doesn't reply. She does. A life with Clarke is something she could easily get used to.

 

Six days left.

 

Clarke wakes up entangled in Lexa's arms, tucked into her narrow bed. She feels incredibly warm and a smile toys on her lips.

“Good morning, Clarke.”

She shifts to her side to face her girlfriend, and fights back a yawn.

“What time is it?”

“Eleven.”

“I'm surprised you're not bored to death. I'm sure you've been awake for like two hours.”

Lexa tucks a strand of blonde hair behind Clarke's hair and smiles at her.

“It's okay. I was resting. Besides, you are cute when you sleep.”

“Creep.” mumbles Clarke, stretching her limbs. “Wanna get breakfast?”

“Sure.” nods Lexa, sitting up.

Clarke jumps off the bed and starts fumbling into her suitcase, whose contents are splattered on the floor in a complete mess.

“What are you looking for?”

“Clothes to give you.” Clarke looks back at Lexa, who is currently only wearing underwear. “Unless you're okay to hang around here in your panties. I know I am.”

“Creep.” Lexa narrows her eyes, as she stands up. Judging by her smirk, she doesn't miss the way Clarke's gaze drops to her bare chest, her legs and abdomen. “Clarke, you're staring.”

“I'm not.” Clarke reports her attention to the suitcase, slightly blushing. She hands Lexa a pair of shorts and a shirt. “Now put these on before I decide to skip breakfast in benefit of another activity.”

They make their way down the stairs, Lexa shyly lingering behind. Clarke finds adorable how sleeping over is making her nervous.

They walk over to the kitchen, where Octavia, Bellamy, Murphy and Monty are making pancakes.

“Oh, hi guys.” Monty waves at them with a smile.

“Did you have a good night?” asks Bellamy politely.

“You bet they did.” Octavia grins and pulls Clarke in for a hug. Lexa awkwardly scratches her neck, unsure how to behave.

“You want pancakes?” asks Murphy grumpily, frying pan in his hand.

Lexa nods and sits down.

“Isn't Raven back yet?” she asks, perplex.

Octavia shrugs and shakes her head.

“Odd.” comments Clarke. “I would have thought Anya kicked her out by dawn.”

“Anya likes to sleep until noon.” informs Lexa. “But it's true, she usually doesn't like sharing her bed. Like, not at all.”

“Raven must be growing on her.” winks Octavia.

“Raven grows on everyone.” nods Bellamy, stuffing a whole pancake in his mouth.

“Not on me.” mumbles Murphy. No one believes him, of course.

Lexa compliments him on the pancakes, and they all resume eating in relative silence, interrupted by random comments and jokes.

Clarke can feel her girlfriend relax, lowering her defenses as she lets herself enjoy the moment. It's nice to see Lexa like this, laid back and happy, and Clarke hopes she's always going to be like this around her.

 

Three days left.

 

Lexa locks herself into the bathroom, tuning out the noise of the party. She breathes deeply, raising her eyes to the ceiling to fight back tears.

She curses herself. This is ridiculous, she was fine ten minutes ago. Until her phone changed from 11:59 pm to 00:00, and suddenly she freaked out. Because it means that now there are only three days left to spend with Clarke.

“Come on, don't be so weak.” she mumbles to herself.

She surrendered to her feelings, which was a huge step for her, considering Lexa never intended to feel anything ever again after Costia. But she refuses to let herself feel down because of it. Because love is only supposed to make you feel good, right?

Lexa clenches her jaw, composing herself. She is not going to let her feelings ruin the mood. If there are only three days left, she might as well enjoy every bit of it.

 

Two days left.

 

It's the middle of the night and they are skinny-dipping, having brought a bottle of wine and sandwiches. The beach is empty except for them, and the night is deliciously quiet.

“I could live off sandwiches, wine and you.” declares Clarke very seriously.

Lexa laughs and swims towards her, cupping Clarke's face in her hands.

“How romantic. That's very cute.”

Clarke smiles and kisses her, before heading out of the water to dry herself. It's very dark, but the stars are bright and she can make out the outline of things thanks to the moonlight.

“I'm glad nights are so warm these days.” she says, running a hand through her hair to shake water off.

“What time is it?” asks Lexa, lingering in shallow water.

“Let me check.” Clarke leans on her towel, splayed out on the sand, dries her hand before checking her phone, and raises an eyebrow. “Wow, it's half past three.”

Lexa automatically yawns, as in reflex.

“We should go to sleep. We haven't gotten much rest these past few days.” adds Clarke.

“Who needs sleep when we can live off sandwiches, wine and each other.” mumbles Lexa, stepping out of the water to join Clarke on the towel.

Clarke wordlessly traces the outline of her jaw with her fingertips, not mouthing the thought that haunts her, that haunt them both. Why should they waste any of the little time they have left sleeping?

She's taken by surprise when Lexa suddenly pins her to the ground, hands on her shoulders, straddling her waist.

“We can go to sleep after I cross something off of my bucket list.” whispers Lexa, and she leans in for a kiss.

“And what would that be?” Clarke asks in a husky voice, as her mind is taking a wild guess.

“Do you remember that time when you and Raven came to drink at the restaurant, the first week you were here?”

Clarke raises an eyebrow, not knowing where this is going. She vaguely remembers it.

“Do you mean when I was hitting on you and she was the embarrassing wing woman?”

“Exactly.” nods Lexa. “Do you remember what she ordered to me for you?”

Clarke rolls her eyes.

“Sorry, my memory's not that good.”

“She ordered a tequila sunrise for herself, and then she said, and I quote, 'Clarke is going to have sex on the beach.'”

Clarke's jaw falls open. She remembers now.

“She forgot to put an 'a' before the cocktail name on purpose. I was very embarrassed, yes. Why are you bringing this up?”

Lexa smirks and runs a tentative finger down Clarke's bare abdomen.

“Well. It's been giving me ideas.”

Understanding floods through Clarke, and she licks her lips slowly, glancing around.

“Sex. In a public place. It is very illegal.”

“It is.” nods Lexa, her hand now hovering dangerously below Clarke's navel.

“Well it is half past three in the morning, I guess it's pretty safe to assume nobody's going to come in the next half hour. Well... except for us. Also, the night is pretty dark.” replies Clarke, flipping them over so that she's on top.

They fall silent as their bodies take the lead of the conversation, expressing love and lust better than any words ever could. And Clarke is right, nobody bothers them.

 

Clarke and Lexa spend most of the day in Lexa's bedroom, napping, cuddling and talking. At nightfall, they have dinner with all their friends at Anya's house. Both of them secretly wish they could spend all their days like this.

 

 

Lexa stirs as she wakes up, her eyes shut to avoid the aggressive light peering through the curtains. She always forgets to put on the blinds before going to bed, and it's really inconvenient in the mornings.

She slowly frees herself from Clarke's embrace and tiptoes through the window to shut the blinds and hopefully get back to bed for a few more hours.

And it's right there, in the middle of the room, that it hits her. And it hits her hard.

“Clarke.” she calls, her voice weak and she probably shouldn't wake her up, because she looks so peaceful when she sleeps, but she needs to not be alone right now.

“Mmmh.” Clarke mumbles and she rolls on her back, protecting her eyes from the sunlight.

“Clarke.”

The blonde girl suddenly shuts her eyes open and sits up straight, her gaze full of concern falling on Lexa.

“Lexa, are you okay?”

Lexa bites on lip hard to keep her emotions at bay. She takes a deep breath.

“Today is the last day we spend together, Clarke. You're leaving.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is near my friends, brace yourselves. I hope you liked that one, I don't really know because I'm truly focused on the wrap-up. This fic is going out with a bang in two chapters and I hope you're enjoying this ride as much as I do. Thanks for reading/kudoing/commenting you make my day everytime :)


End file.
